DP pays no bills, constantly gambling. Am i being a mug

[Pinkygirl88]

My DP and i have been together 2.5 years. About a year into the relationship i moved into my new flat with my young son. My DP paid for new flooring and a few other bits and bobs as a gift. He lived with his mum at the time and we agreed he could come stay whenever but officially not move in, to give me time for my son and I to adjust etc. Eventually he just moved in without much discussion which was fine as he was there all the time anyway.

I noticed he would constantly tell me how skint he was and how much his bills came to etc. He gets paid weekly and literally every week give me a run down of what he is paying out. For the record he pays a whopping £800 a month on his car insurance and car finance combined.

I have tried to speak to him about money and how i am left paying for everything. Rent, council tax, virgin tv etc. It turns into a massive argument with him casting up all the things he HAS paid for. Days out, holidays (got a tax refund) and just makes me feel so guilty. "All my extra money goes on u and DS" well that's because he HAS extra money for fun things as he pays nothing towards bills and i have barely anything left so i cant contribute to holidays or anything else. Says that if he didnt live here then id be paying the same amount anyway so what difference does it make? He also left the heating on for 4 hours last sunday while we were out and didnt care.

He constantly goes to the bookies and puts on football bets, gambles on his phone but gets angry if i say anything. "Its only a fiver" but its not just a fiver its constant.

He is great with my DS, plays with him, takes him on days out and shows him lots of love. But when we argue he brings this up says he does FAR more than any other man would and that i dont appreciate him. I feel like anything im unhappy about/anything hes done wrong he just casts up all the stuff he does right and constantly casts up that he has paid for a few holidays. Also when we argue he runs back to his mum and tells her everything. Then i feel embarrased to see her.

He has had addiction issues with drinking and has sought help. He had a relapse at Christmas and when i got angry at him he said "im a grown man if i want to drink il drink i dont your permission" so ive to support him through his AA but then not say anything if he drinks?

I just read the headline. You are being a mug.

Same here.

My dad had to give up his heavy lifting job to do something less arduous. Won't say as could be outing. This was late 60s.

It came with tied accommodation so they agreed my dad would keep paying the mortgage into a savings account after they sold their house and banked any equity.

Roll forward about 25 years or so and he had to retire. My mum said ' thank god for our deposit account.'

It was empty and he owed so much to the bank.
They were at the mercy of the council as they were homeless.
My mum divorced him.

This is what will await you if you carry on with this loser. You will never see any improvements in your lives going forward and you'll always be playing catch up.

When your DS is at his dad’s just tell the waste of space it isn’t working, you’re calling time, adios. In your own words but firm and direct. Stick to your guns when he tries to wheedle his way around your reasoning, you don’t have to give him a reason btw. It’s not working for me is a valid reason.

Pack up all of his stuff in advance so he can’t guilt trip while gathering up his crap.

Yes you're being mugged off here big time.
End it soonest.
Its going nowhere and never will.
With all the negative thongs you've highlighted you're so much better off single

Things...

I’m sad that you even need to ask. He’s just free loading off you like he did his mum. No responsibility has it all paid for for him, do you even do his laundry and cook his meals like his mum, clean up etc?

OP hasn't posted since January peeps

I don’t like the word Mug!
however he is taking advantage of your generosity and as much as you love him it’s time to say goodbye.
you have a child and this man is not a role model. The last thing I would want is for my child to watch and end up having learnt behaviour.
it will be hard but I honestly hope you find the and strength to leave. Bless you I wish you well xx

Fucking hell op! Dump him now. He goes now. This of him taking from you as stealing from your child

Total mug. Tell me one positive thing he os contributing to your life except a few outings. He is using you just like his Mum but + the sex (I presume). This guy is no role model for your son either.

As his mother i would be ashamed of him its 50/50 down the line not acting like children i paid for this i paid for that hes got an ilness and is dragging you down

ZOMBIE

He is a prize cocklodger who thinks you should be 'grateful' that he is willing to take on a single parent. Run with your purse. Money spent on him is money not spent on your child. He obviously has a poor attitude towards money and will leech off anyone who lets him. I bet his family were glad to get rid of him onto someone else. Do not get lumbered with this man, as you are signing up to a lifetime of misery.

An addicts addictions will always come first unfortunately no matter the nice things they do.

@Pinkygirl88 your fella is what we call a 'cocklodger'. He gets a happy home with a lovely lady who cooks, cleans and feeds him and pays all the bills and all he has to do is throw the odd "love you, babe" at her and a shag or two and he's onto a winner.

He is an absolute joke who has taken you for an utter mug. You went into the relationship with an open heart and have taken care of him and he was never going to do the same. You are there to love him and respect him but he'd rather stick a ton on the nags then give you some support or chip in for the leccy he uses up or food he eats.

Kick him out and block his number. Do not entertain him for another second.

And if you are worried about what your romantic future will look like, I've just read a post on Reddit by a lady whose husband asked her for an open married and when she downloaded Tinder she got 2000 matches where he got nowt.

You'll be just fine.

Or you will be once you unload the dead weight of your cocklodger!