I don't want to be intimate & I can't change even though its destroying our marriage

[Snuggledandwarm]

Been with my husband a long time. Two preteens. He works from home since covid. I'm a housewife.

As in a lot of marriages, since having the kids the intimacy started to decrease. I coslept for 6 years. I also snore. So as we had a spare room, husband slept in there and still does. We haven't shared a bed for 11 years.

Day to day life & struggles, then the pandemic, then him going from working out of the house to working from home . I'm never alone. He's here all the time .he has no life outside of the house. I feel smothered by him. I'm on the pill and high blood pressure tablets. My libido I'd at zero.
Over time I stopped wanting to be intimate. It was a mixture of feeling insecure about myself as I'm overweight, and I've just never got much pleasure from being intimate. I would really try to do so, we would do it more often for a couple of weeks then it would stop again.
Then as time has gone on I also didn't want to kiss him, hug him or anything. I have no clue why. When he comes near me I tense up. I Start to get anxious and panicky & make excuses to leave the room. Or sometimes I can tell that I'm trying to start an argument with him so that he won't like me for a few days and won't try anything with me.
I feel so guilty about this. What I don't understand is why dont i want to even kiss or hug him? i love him so much. I don't want to be with anyone else. I know I'm hurting him being like this . We've talked about it and I know it's upsetting for him. Of course it is I don't know what to do. When I do try to overcome my feelings and kiss him etc it's almost traumatic for me.i feel violated.

He has done absolutely nothing wrong.hes a lovely husband and shouldn't have to put up with this. I don't even want to feel this way myself. Has anyone experienced this and ever got through it? I don't want to lose him

Get fit.
Go out with friends.
Stop the pill.
Improve your health to come off blood pressure tablets.
Make yourself look good.
Read some funny stories.
Dress to your body.
Find what makes you happy, then you'll want to have sex again.

When I was on the pill my libido disappeared too. Have you considered coming off it?

This is an old thread (from March)

You don't know whether one of those are having sex elsewhere though whilst pretending they are happy with the arrangement as happens in lots of cases

So?

She may still be struggling with the situation but even if she is not, what has been mentioned here may help other women who are not brave enough to post about their own issues.

I do find it funny when people say “I know loads of couples who are happy with X situation.”

At most you know many who appear to you to be happy. Perhaps people have a really open and frank relationship with one of the partners (even then probably not more than 2/3) where they honestly discuss how they feel about very intimate topics, the chance they have those discussions with people on both sides is very unlikely.

If the husband knew OP found him repulsive then he would be making any decisions from an informed position. At that point the are probably looking an a carefully planned amicable exit.

Google 'Mating in Captivity' - ted talk and book.