How bad is it really for my 4yo dd to see me share a bed with a man who is not my partner and probably never will be???

[StripeyMamaSpanx]

And I do not mean that she sees me having sex with all and sundry on a regular basis.

I just want to know if its really likely to be damaging to her to be aware that I may occasionally have a man sleeping in my bed?

I'm a single parent and in the two and a half years since dd's dad left she has seen about five people sleeping in my bed with me. Not five random strangers, five of my friends who she knows. And in two of those cases, sharing my bed as nothing other than friends who enjoy the company and warmth. I'd never let a total stranger (or anyone I didn't trust) stay when she is at home.

Over the last weekend a very old and close friend came to see us and we ended up sleeping together, and in the morning dd came into my room and got in the bed for a cuddle with both of us (we were both wearing something by then).Is that actually a Bad Thing, that I have friends who love my child and who she feels that secure with?

She has never commented on it and seems to accept it with no problems. I just am aware that many people think its not appropriate and I'm not entirely sure why?

Sykes, if it's part of her life from an early age then she's learning good things from it, it doesn;t need a detailed explanation.

I go to my boyfriend's & sleep over there when xh has kids for the night. We've been dating a year, but I still don't want my kids to see me in bed with him.

I live in JApan (education capital of the world!) and here kids don't start school until 6, so don't worry about their schooling- 5 is too young, really.

oops- wrong thread- sorry

I think for me one of the biggest issues would be your daughter coming into bed with you's for a cuddle. Sadly in this day and age we cannot be careful enough with our children and I think it is important that we don't put them in any kind of risk no matter how well you think you know someone!

What exactly is she learning? What is good about it. It think the OP has a good take on it but what are you suggesting a four-year old learns? And why is it beneficial? I've been a single mum but I can't imagine why it would have been a good learning curve at such a young age to see her mother in bed with other men.

Oh FFS msC most children are more at risk from their own fathers than from other men.

echo everything harpsi said.

I dont think you are doing anything wrong.

Message withdrawn

I've had a mate for 20 years and we share a bed.
We've never had sex, he's never pressured me and it's nice to have a hug..and share a beer in bed and watch a dvd.

My dd's know he's not my boyfriend. It certainly doesn't bther them nor me, nor my mate. He's babysat them many times...

Is that still so wrong? I have no family and not many close friends. He's about the only one that I trust.

not wrong at all

i think children should know that it is possible to share a bed with a friend for closeness or just practical reasons and it not have to mean anything sexual. stripey - it's not like your dd knows what you've been up to. as far as she's concerned he's just your friend who you like to have a hug and a cuddle with.

sykes- yes its not ideal ( see the first part of my post), but when I said its a good thing, I mean as opposed to the many other variations that are more socially acceptable. For example: mum has an argument with dad, who calls mum some terrible names, then mum shares a bed with him. This kind of scenario wouldn't even be under discussion, although it would be teaching a little girl that you share a bed with a person who doesn't respect you.

strangers on th enet cannot answer this question. you have to go by your own moral compass.
but, as a general rule, as long as they dont see you having sex, then it wont harm them in anyway at all.

"I think you should try to avoid your DD seeing you in bed with other men until you find The One."

Oh gawd. How is the OP supposed to recognise The One? Will he have a big Number 1 tattooed on his forehead? Practically speaking is the OP meant to be celibate until then?

totally agree