OP I was in a relationship exactly like this, you need to get out.

Im worries for the safety of you and your dog, could you take the dog for a walk and come back with a friend or relative (preferably male) and tell him to leave!

You will be so much happier without him I promise, he is not your responsibility. You can’t fix him, only he can do that and he’s choosing not to.

Another one here who is worried for your lovely Dog.
Violent Abusers often start with objects around the home.
Please listen to him - he has already told you he hopes your Dog dies.
Get out before he matches his violence with his feelings for your lovely Dog.
I am rooting for your happy ending OP.

You've wasted 11 years of your life with this loser. Please put yourself first and just imagine how happy you would be being on your own with your dog.

You have to leave - you’re not a rehab centre for broken men.

I thought for the first couple of lines you were my friend. She’s with a nasty bully who had a horrific childhood (blended family warning!). She’s “all he has” and it’s her identity now.

This made me smile though - but it’s very true:

“So in this post, you've described someone who is very single-minded, clearly devoted to you, will go to any lengths to keep you safe and loved.
It's the dog”

What if he poisons your dog whilst you’re out?

I would say he sounds deeply unpleasant and should no longer be your problem.I'd be really concerned that the dog will meet with an "accident". Get him out again and change the locks (assuming it's your house...., or get the name on the tenancy changed to just you asap)

Your bf's personal situation is tragic.
His life is a mess, his reactions might be rooted in the past but they're horrible and it's no wonder he has no one. Very sad indeed and I pity him in a way.
But the rescue/solution to this can't be more of the same, because that won't get him anywhere and the cost to you is too great, he's already hollowed you out and your experience tells you this is true so you can't continue.
Let him go, tell him you don't want to live like this anymore, but if he tried to get help and leave behind his past, find a way to stop his angry emotions ruining his life, maybe he'd find his life would start to improve too, he doesn't sound happy either.
He clearly has looked for someone who will tolerate him rather than try to address the issues, he needs to change his strategy.
You've given enough and he must surely know it deep down. Time for him to go.

I'm not sure your dog is safe with him around.
This situation could be even worse if he takes it his anger on the dog.
You need to tell him to go. You don't need to wait for a row, get some friends with you, and ask him to go now.
Tonight when you get home, tomorrow if you can't do it that quickly. But make it happen.

Honestly you needs to get rid for good. Sounds like he's capable of harming you given his inability to control his emotions and I don't want to freak you out, but I really wouldn't past him to harm your dog in some way to get back at you or simply be rid of his 'competition' in a bid to make you dependent on him. Protect yourself and your precious dog and get rid of him, change the locks and block him on everything. If he turns up at your house, call the police. This needs to end for good. You are not responsible for another adult, if he has no friends, that's not on you.

Give him the phone number of a few support charities , then pack his bag. He is an adult and not your problem . He is living to abuse you, and you have to stop the cycle . he just might snap and hurt the dog for all you know z

You can have a shit childhood and not treat people like crap. I'm afraid OP you are being used by an utter nutter, and you deserve better.

Is the house yours?

As a pp says I'm worried about your dog being alone with this man. If you do tell him to leave, and I really hope you do, don't let him be alone with the dog and change your locks so he can't take his anger out on him. Good luck OP. There's only one answer here, he must leave.

My ex also had a troubled childhood and not much in the way of family/friends, used to threaten to kill himself when we fought and I felt like it was my responsibility to make sure he was okay. Well, three years later, he's unsurprisingly not killed himself, and has managed to look after himself just fine (although he's very much the victim in his head). Yours will too.

My dog was my absolute greatest comfort during the relationship. I was only able to break it off in the end because of him - me being scared and shouted at was normal to me, but seeing my dog frightened of the shouting... I had to protect him, even if I felt I wasn't worth protecting. He still doesn't like raised male voices now.

Get him out before he hurts your dog (and he will), enjoy the peace and comfort of your house with just you and your dog. And then get more dogs!

You need to get him out,and quick!!,for the dogs safety as well as your own,wouldn't surprise me if he did something to the dog to get rid of him,seriously OP,get him out and don't ever let him back in your life ever again.

Just look at this in black and white OP this man has made your life so hellish you have to be medicated to be with him. It is abuse you are being abused and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to kill your dog. This man will destroy you if you let him so the only way to get rid of him is pick between you and him and you should always love yourself more than any man. Say to him today I have been thinking this isn't working and I need to put myself first. I hope you get the help you need but I am no longer willing to be your punch bag.

Your life is on the up and his will continue on a downward spiral and theres always an excuse. The real reason is he's trying to suck the joy out of you and some people are like that and deserve to be alone in the world. Be free and happy and take some time with just the dog rediscover who you are.

Keep your lovely dog.

Get rid of the bloke. He's manipulative, aggressive, needy and pathetic. You cannot fix him. He adds nothing to your life, and he never will.

He sounds incredible abusive and manipulative. Please get rid of him. You seem to have seen the light but need to be strong for this last hurdle. OK so you let him back in last night and now regret it. You are allowed to change your mind. When he goes out change the locks and tell him that you've changed you've decided that it's not going to work. Ignore all attempts to manipulate you into taking him back, his mental health is not your responsibility or your fault. He has spent years programming you to believe it is because he likes to control you. Be strong op, you can do this. Your dog will help you through it! X

For your own sake, please leave this person and build the life your deserve with your dog.

Can't imagine why he's got no friends.

You already know what you need to do, you can't spend the rest of your life setting yourself on fire to keep him warm.

You’re not weak, you’ve just been in an abusive relationship for so long that you’ve forgotten who
you really are. You’re probably not actually anxious either; all your problems come from this one man. Ask to leave work early, go get the dog and make sure that he leaves. Change the locks, call women’s aid. Be kind to yourself

Can you message him to say you want him to leave while you are at work. Then message some friends to come home with you to make sure he has so you are not on your own?
There is nothing you can salvage here, let him go and don’t have him back.

OP please stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU! And I mean it kindly. Something really unhealthy is going on here and you need to take time to think why you have so much empathy for emotionally abusive man but zero towards yourself.

As someone who was in somehow similar situation and left after many years I look back and it's like a fog - I can't understand my behaviours back then and why I put up with what he did.

You only have one life and choosing a partner for life is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Do not waste anymore time.

OP the fact you felt relieved when he left says it all. This individual is draining you of your happiness. He’s not some weak helpless individual. He is a grown man who knows exactly what buttons to press with you to make you do what he wants.

As a PP said the only thing that has shown you undivided love and loyalty is the dog. Stick with the dog and ditch him! You are not his mother, or his therapist. You have every right to be happy.

He wants you off the tablets so that he can mentally and emotionally abuse you. He threw a lamp at you for gods sake! The tablets aren’t stopping you from reacting to him. They are balancing you out. So that you can see things clearly and respond appropriately. He’s not so much a grown man as an oversized toddler.

Pack his stuff today and kick him out and hold firm. You know you want him out. He’s not as mentally as unstable as he makes out. He’s just using that to hold you to ransom.

Plenty of us have had awful childhoods with different levels of abuse and poverty. But the vast majority of us use that experience as a catalyst to pick ourselves up and forge a better life and future for ourselves. He’s using it as an excuse to abuse you.

And there is nothing wrong with taking medication to get better OP. I’ve been there myself. When he gets up show him the door. It will be tough for a few weeks and he will beg to be let back and that he’s changed but you have seen this for 11 years. He will never change.

You're not weak.

I was reading your post and thinking please don't let there be children involved to tie her to him. Brilliant news that the house is in your name. Use the support of your friends and their experiences to help you separate from him. Don't fall for his crocodile tears. Regardless of his childhood he is an abusive man.

This relationship doesn't make you happy anymore so you have every right to end it. Enjoy your home in peace with your lovely dog.