I ended things - 8 months pregnant

[Lindtcat]

I ended things with him, I told him to leave. The last straw was last night when my daughter asked if she could have some of the sweets he bought and he said no because he bought them. She's 6. He's already like that with me but I can't let him be like that with my child. He called me a bitch and a tramp infront or my child. His sister threatened me. I'm eight months pregnant. How am I going to cope with another child alone? I'm at home. And I will be until the baby comes, I don't want to speak to any friends or family. I'm too embarrassed. My heart hurts. I love him but I can no longer do this anymore. Any advice on coping ? I want to message him and beg for him to come back but I won't. I can't believe I'm alone and going to have a second child now. It doesn't make any sense.

Contact home start and mindful mums (part of MIND UK) and see if they have a branch in your local area.

Home start has home visitors who come to your home and help you out either practically, emotionally or both.

Mindful mums provide mental health and emotional support for new mums.

Well done OP ,you're amazing to find the courage and strength to do this .
Such good practical advice on here but I'm going to repeat this post to remind you to get all the emotional support you can.

marly24 · Today 11:52

If you can a place in your mind not to be embarrassed about this and instead start now creating the biggest network you can around you from friends. Family and local networks you will make yourself and the situation for your DC stronger. You are one of many of us who have made this error twice and that is no disgrace. Behaviour of some men can change once you are pregnant and a desire for a relationship and love can make us blind to their real behaviours until it's too late. But if you isolate yourself from other people you leave yourself vulnerable to a man like this manipulating you and exploiting you further - that's what men like this often rely on! Telling other people will give you more power and strength so I would urge you to try to do this. See your sister and speak to her if you can.

Thank you. I've messaged his mum and I'm waiting for a reply. I've got out of the bed and made myself a sandwich and hot chocolate. I called my mum and told her everything, she's angry at him. But she's being supportive.

OP - feel free to DM me, I have a sling and a few baby things that I was going to give to Little Village, I'd be very happy to just post them to you.

Excellent that you've called your mum. I'd personally be a little careful with his mum. Nice that she's offered to help but the 'blood thicker than water' may mean she will also want to support him and tell him things you've said. Personally I would stick with your own family and friends and be polite to her but not involve her so heavily that it may prevent you permanently getting rid of him. I'm sure she may be perfectly lovely but it's clear that he is a problem... and she will love him whether or not she supports his recent behaviour.

@Captone thank you so much. I will send you a message.

@marly24 yeah I'm not going to be too friendly with her at all. If she can help me out with the ve

*crib then great. I really need that help right now. She's still not replied though. She's not very tech savvy tbh. So I don't think it's intentional.

All good. Here's hoping the crib materialises! But if not I'm sure you will find things through donations, Facebook marketplace or even free cycle perhaps?

Yes I'm sure I will. I've already had a kind offer on here. I've made a post on a Facebook group now. Trying to pull myself out of my misery.

@Jamieukk no need to be harsh. I'm sure you can see by my responses that I'm already feeling shit already. My daughters dad was in her life up until she was about 3. He had a baby with someone else and stopped seeing her.

Don't think she needs you piling on the crap at the moment..it's not helpful.

You’re doing brilliantly OP. Hope you’re feeling well supported on here by most posters, this is what MN excels at. Keep eating, whatever you fancy and have in. Keep your fluids up and an eye on your bp. Really hope DD is better soon, poor poppet. Enjoy your DD, your cats, feeling your baby moving. Well done for opening up to your mum, try and let your sister in too if she’s the supportive type.

@AnneLovesGilbert thank you so much for your kind words. Don't really want to talk to my sister but I'm glad I spoke to my mum. I've cried a bit today. I feel better that I've let it out. I haven't eaten much but I've had plenty of water so I'm feeling okay. Still sad and angry but okay.

You're a single parent with a baby on the way. Do you receive any benefits? You must be due something now you're living alone.

Look into it
www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

Make sure you get any keys back, give him back any stuff he's left at yours.

Talk to your midwife and your friends.

Good luck - you can do this

I had to speak to him today as I was having some pain so had to go to triage. I don't drive so he dropped me. My mum is out of the city right now. We barely exchanged any words but he managed to tell me, he's going to Spain tomorrow with his mum for five days . After telling me on Friday, he is broke and I should eat oven food. He also always told me he couldn't take any time off of work, but he's managed to take off five days out of nowhere. He said, he couldn't even take time off when the baby was born as he don't get paternity leave. All was fine with baby thankfully and I'm home now resting. I want to text him and tell him how disgusting he is and then just block him. I have so much anger inside, I don't know what to do with it. My mum has said to me in future if anything is wrong or I need something, she can help me. Don't ask him for anything. She's very angry herself and wants to call him. I've just told her to leave it. I'm past the point of missing him now I'm just so angry and disgusted.

He is lying about the paternity leave, all fathers get at least a fortnight's leave.

www.gov.uk/paternity-pay-leave

Get a child support maintenance claim in as soon as the baby is born.

Give the baby your surname and don't name him on the birth certificate so you have control and full legal rights for your child.

@MissMarplesbag I honestly feel like I've been lied to this whole time. I'll be honest, I sent him some nasty messages and blocked him. I will definitely be putting him on cms. He made it a big deal for baby to have his surname. I wasn't never keen on the idea but now this has all happened, he will definitely be having my surname. Baby will be here in a month so I'm just wondering how visitation will go. As much as he's a piece of shit I don't want to deny his son having a relationship with him. He will not be there at the birth. I'm just a bit worried how all this will go. I don't want to be around him but will I have to be when baby is very little ???

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/contact-arrangements/contact-faqs/#what-contact

Scroll down for info on babies

There’s a number you can call for more advice I think

He can't have the baby for over night stays especially if you're breastfeeding when he's little. Get legal advice from a solicitor regarding visitation and speak to gingerbread as well.

Gosh you are so well rid OP! I’m glad your mum will be there for you in the future and I’m glad the baby is okay. Stay strong, you are doing so well!

childlawadvice.org.uk/clas/contact-child-law-advice/

Thank you once again for all the advice and kind words. Yes I will be breastfeeding.

What a disgusting pathetic greedy man.

I hope you go to the CSA and take him for everything you can.

Please do not let this scumbag back into your life.

It seems he has manipulated you and takes you for a fool. If he tries to worm his way back in you’d be foolish to fall for his story.

He will not change, he is likely to get worse!