I ended things - 8 months pregnant

[Lindtcat]

I ended things with him, I told him to leave. The last straw was last night when my daughter asked if she could have some of the sweets he bought and he said no because he bought them. She's 6. He's already like that with me but I can't let him be like that with my child. He called me a bitch and a tramp infront or my child. His sister threatened me. I'm eight months pregnant. How am I going to cope with another child alone? I'm at home. And I will be until the baby comes, I don't want to speak to any friends or family. I'm too embarrassed. My heart hurts. I love him but I can no longer do this anymore. Any advice on coping ? I want to message him and beg for him to come back but I won't. I can't believe I'm alone and going to have a second child now. It doesn't make any sense.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am very proud you have gotten rid of this vile man. This behaviour would only get worse, I know from bitter experience.

The fact he would go out for food with his family and leave his pregnant partner and her small child with crappy cheap food is absolutely disgusting. He was also very mean to your daughter, a grown man denying a little child a sweet because 'they are mine' is pathetic.

You need to get away from him and his toxic family. Just try to concentrate on you, your new baby, and your daughter. Look at this as a new chapter in your life, build your confidence, and try to get some qualifications to get a better job.

If you are in the caring profession, they are crying out for nurses at the moment. When the baby is a little older, you could go and retrain, they will give you student loans and bursaries to help with childcare.

I was left with 3 children (one was a newborn), penniless with a heap of debt. After retraining, I'm now in a very well-paid job, living life to the full. I have a partner on my terms and don't rely on him financially for anything.

You can do this x

Don't be embarrassed, your friends and family who love you will probably dance a jig that you've had the courage to get rid of such a mean spirited freeloading creep. WELL DONE!

You'll be absolutely fine. xx

Im in north London. I've joined a couple more of parenting groups. Just waiting to get accepted. I feel like I don't have time to be heartbroken or grieve this relationship. I just have to get on with it for my kids.

Why would you have a kid with someone like that? He sounds like an arse, and he has been for a long time.

You've done the right thing.

Also tell your midwife, she can put you in touch with a HV

We've been together coming up two years. Maybe me being in love made me ignore the red flags. He only moved in when I got pregnant last year. This has made me see him in a whole different light.

And hopefully you won't repeat this again, you hv should be able to help

If you can a place in your mind not to be embarrassed about this and instead start now creating the biggest network you can around you from friends. Family and local networks you will make yourself and the situation for your DC stronger. You are one of many of us who have made this error twice and that is no disgrace. Behaviour of some men can change once you are pregnant and a desire for a relationship and love can make us blind to their real behaviours until it's too late. But if you isolate yourself from other people you leave yourself vulnerable to a man like this manipulating you and exploiting you further - that's what men like this often rely on! Telling other people will give you more power and strength so I would urge you to try to do this. See your sister and speak to her if you can.

If you can 'find' I meant to write!

Well done for putting your daughter first. I am sure she is relieved that he’s gone.

Get a good sling. Even the very best sling (baby bjorn if you ask me) will be miles cheaper than a pram and you can use it for about a year.

Well done, OP.
When you miss him just remind yourself how horrible he was to your daughter, and how mean he was with his money.
Don't let him back.
You can do this.

100% you haven’t failed her - you’ve stood up for her and put her first. That’s amazing and be proud. You’ll be ok

Also speak to your gp or midwife. They may be able to direct you to support services.

I have a midwife appointment on the 30th. I can never seem to get hold of her at all otherwise. I will speak to her then. I've been asked to measure my bp as it can be high sometimes. I jumped out of bed and done it. Gave me a one off high reading. 135/100. I relaxed, went to do a wee. Checked my wee for protein - negative. I've done it three more times since sitting back down and relaxing and it's returned to normal range now. All fine. 110/77. Normal for me. Do I call triage for this or just leave it? As it's come down? I feel fine otherwise. Feel like it may be the stress. Don't really fancy going to the hospital. Baby moving fine. I'm wondering if it was high down to me being really stressed. It's so hard not to stress. Thank you for all your kind words.

You've done absolutely the right thing in protecting your DD by dumping this mean and selfish loser. You've done the right thing for you, as well, although its hard to see that right now.

You don't have to put his name on the birth certificate, and you don't have to tell him when you go into labour, either. Will your sister look after DD when that happens? You can still claim child maintenance from him, although he'll probably demand a DNA test. Does he have a 'normal ' paid job?

Yes he has a normal paid job. My auntie will have my daughter when I'm in labour. I have people who would support me if need be. In terms of childcare.

Keep an eye on your BP today. If it remains normal I’d leave it if everything else seems normal

You're brilliant, OP, and stronger than you know.

And you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

You did the right thing.

Yes I thought so. I'll keep an eye on it. It's such a worry because I'm trying not to be stressed. I'm going to try do something nice with my daughter today. Maybe make some cakes or something. I don't fancy leaving the house today. She's not up for it either. She's got tonsilitis but coping well. We're back in bed as we was up a couple of times in the night with pain and for her medication.

You did the right thing. speak to a friend or family member if you can, you did not do anything wrong and should not feel ashamed at all, you should feel proud you protected your daughter and unborn child.

On a practical note, can you apply for UC whilst on maternity pay? A lot of the time you can and this will help.

You will also benefit if you take this opportunity to see if you can register your daughter for Free School Meals. This means her meals and lots of other things will stay free for the next 6 years.

You are amazing and doing the right thing. It will be okay. Sending lots of love x

A man who wouldn't buy you a packet of chicken was never going to pay for lots of baby stuff. There would have always been some reason why he wouldn't do that. So you are in the same position as you would have ended up in, but just a bit sooner.

He and his family sound awful, but tbh I don’t even share my own sweets with DD who is 5 nearly 6 so I’m not sure you’re in the best place either to judge what’s reasonable or not if that’s the spark that set this fire.

Im going to apply for all of this and take him off of the housing tenancy. I'm assuming I might get some extra help with the rent hopefully. Got a lot to do on Monday. Thank you for all your practical help. I'm so worried about how I'm going to cope with a newborn and my daughter aswell. I have some family support in terms of I can get care for my daughter while I'm in labour. But no one that would come and stay with me for a couple of days after the birth to help out. I'm worried about coping. I find out at my next consultant appointment if I need to have a c-section or not. What if i do? How am I going to recover ?? I'm so terribly worried.