I need someone to know I am going to have the Divorce talk with DH tonight

[RosieMolloy]

I have no idea how he is going to take it.
I think it’s best I don’t portion any blame. I walk on egg shells all of the time and he can’t hide how unhappy he is

im hoping he will be relieved and I’ve found a flat for me - only if we can afford me taking my salary out of the family pot. It’s close to home and I’m hoping we can be amicable as I can’t take our dog with me.

I sound fantastical, don’t I?

I have no one in RL to talk to or let know I’m ok
he isn’t physical so I’m not fearful of that but he is nasty and emotionally neglectful.

Good luck 🤞

Good luck my darling. This too will pass. Just get through each day.

Hope it goes smoothly.

Good luck, you’re doing the right thing.

Ill be thinking of you x

Hope it goes as well as it can do

You’re very brave. Good luck. 😘

Have a plan B if it doesn’t go well - eg night in a travel lodge

I know how scary this is. If he gets nasty try to stay calm and say its the best thing for both of you. Try not to get defensive or rise to any bait. I really hope it goes as well as it can.

Op are you likely to fight over finances? Do you have dc? The advice that I always see here is don’t move out of the family home.

He couldn't really expect to keep your salary, surely? Very best of luck.

Good luck from me too and bravo for taking this step.

Good luck OP. You’re doing the right thing.

Whatever happens tonight, remember this: you don’t hit permission and/or agreement to leave, you just go when it suits you, just walk with your head high, you should.

i I don’t feel brave, I feel deflated by him and I need out

I don’t have access to money this evening (long story) I’m hoping he agrees and we can continue living in this shitty atmosphere until my moving day and without the great big elephant in the room

if he flounces off in rage then I won’t be bothered and I’ll have to think of a plan b

Would it be worth telling him in daylight tomorrow morning so you could escape a bit easier if necessary?
Is he likely to be violent and have you told trusted friends or family so you have both safety and an emergency bolt hole.

Good luck. Just get clear what you need to say and stick to it. It will be worth it x

Yes you are brave!
I have a lot of respect for people who are strong enough to say "no more, I'm going to change this".
Good luck, I will be thinking of you tonight x

Good luck OP 💐

@stayathomegardener thats possibly a good idea. I’m being ignored again currently so continuing for one more night won’t make any difference

I’ve sort of geared myself up to do it now though

Good luck ❤

Why not wait until you have the keys to your new flat and have your stuff in place? Then you'll have somewhere to move to.

I also think it might be safer to do this either during daytime so you can go to the local library or leisure centre or somewhere safe and public if he gets angry, or when you are in possession of your new place but don’t give him your new address!

You need to judge how he might take it. Is it clear that the relationship has run its course and you’re being the one who makes it official? Were you wanting to tell him so he can plan finances?

We have been married 20 years. He deserves knowing and I will need his support to untangle finances so I can use my salary
and I need to make sure the dog is ok and adult DD. I need to try and keep it all as positive as possible
i don’t have access to the bank
I need to set up an account for me don’t I?

You don’t have access to the bank account? Please contact Women’s Aid to help you leave. They can guide you here. I know you want to say something but I worry that you don’t have everything in place yet and that he might not react well and you might be on the receiving end of that.

You need your own bank account and notify your employer to pay your salary into your new account. Good luck