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Original poster

Is this banter or more serious?

102 replies

Lookingtothefuturenow · 19/01/2023 08:15

What would you make of a boyfriend who:

  • mocks your car
  • tells you to speed up or overtake when driving
  • criticises things about your home, that you worked hard to buy when still in your 20s
  • made fun of your choice of music
  • generally quizzed you about things that he knows a lot about and you don't, making you feel a bit stupid?
OP posts:
TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:36

Lookingtothefuturenow · 19/01/2023 08:15

What would you make of a boyfriend who:

  • mocks your car
  • tells you to speed up or overtake when driving
  • criticises things about your home, that you worked hard to buy when still in your 20s
  • made fun of your choice of music
  • generally quizzed you about things that he knows a lot about and you don't, making you feel a bit stupid?

It's not banter, no.

And I'd be very interested to see if he thought it was banter if you said the sorts of things he does to you, to him.

Try one and see how it goes

You know the answer to your thread title question, op.

This guy is going to make your life a misery if you settle with him.

If you're the sane poster who previously posted about a guy slagging off her house/decor; you've spent far far too long tolerating this behaviour and wasting your time with this guy.

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:42

Even if this guy drove a Lamborghini, haf done specialist driving courses, was an expert in numerous subjects, lived in a beautiful expensive hone he bought himself that was decorated by interior designers (music is subjective) ...... If he was acting like this guy is acting, you'd still be being advised to get away from him, because he would be a patronising, superior, nasty bastard and not a nice person.

But out of interest, what does this guy bring to the table on all the aspects he criticizes you about?

Anyone can gen up on specialist subjects they have an interest in and lecture others.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 19/01/2023 11:42

@ThatshallotBaby · Today 08:16

And jealous

Yes this

Alexya · 19/01/2023 11:44

It's the beginning of a very abusive relationship, it will only get worse in my opinion, you either take your stand and don't get bothered by his comments, tell him exactly your opinion on things as you have decorated your house to your liking and its your life and your choice and he will RESPECT IT .
you also need to sort out for yourself, has nothing to do with him, that we dont HAVE TO KNOW IT ALL AND IT'S NO SHAME IN IT. and tell him this plain and simple, i understand its a subject of interest for you but for me personally it's 0. you absolutely do not have to be interested in the same subjects as your significant other. If he asks about a subject and you say, i don't know about that subject and that's it, if he wants to go technical about it.. if it doesn't bother you you could let him go on and on about it as it's his passion but as soon as he starts to want to make that passion a common passion stand your grounds and he should be mature enough to respect it.
Again , you have to remember it is about you and how you feel and no matter how perfect he might be, if he is not perfect for you than that equals ZERO...
He should be doing the driving in his own car! and he has nothing to comment on how you drive! He does sound like he s grooming you to be the submissive and oh my what you would do without him in your life!But remember you do quiet WELL ,apparently you have a furnished house, a car, you drive, you are generally a happy person that listens to music and you should not excuse yourself in front of anyone for YOUR CHOISES. he eithers respects them as long as you don't do the same try to convince him how super that music is, everyone has their own taste and if you happen to meet in the middle its fine as there are no two people alike...

Mari9999 · 19/01/2023 11:45

It doesn't matter whether it is banter or serious. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should leave. A relationship should not lead to your discomfort.

He sounds immature, and I find immaturity to be such an unappealing characteristic in an adult.

A relationship should make you feel better ;. If you leave you feeling insulted or marginalized.

mummymeister · 19/01/2023 11:48

what would I make of a boyfriend like this? I would make an ex boyfriend. if the person in your life doesnt add value to it then dont waste your time with them. thats such a long list of issues that really what is the point of carrying on with this relationship. its not going to magically improve.

KnottyKnitting · 19/01/2023 13:12

Immature, misogynistic, jealous twat.
Typical bullying behaviour-" Can't you take a joke? It's only banter! Don't be so sensitive!"

Newestname002 · 19/01/2023 13:18

I used to have a boyfriend like this. He thought he had to criticise the home I'd worked hard to buy on my own (and which was better than his). I put up with it for a little while then told him he was free to leave at any time and he'd not be invited back. He did shut up that time but couldn't help himself on subsequent visits and I made him my Ex. You don't have to put up with this behaviour, OP. 🌹

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/01/2023 13:19

Notformethankyoukindly · 19/01/2023 08:26

I’d think he’s not my boyfriend, just your common or garden pain in the arse. Not good enough for me. Next.

This. Does he say 'only joking, can't you take a joke?' as well, OP?

LexMitior · 19/01/2023 13:22

He sounds rude. I don't like rude partners. Think carefully if you want to keep him if all he does is be rude.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/01/2023 13:24

No question is daft, if you don't know the answer

And this. OT but a point I drum into every person I've trained at work.

minticecreamisjustok · 19/01/2023 13:25

I would think he was immature, jealous of what you have achieved, controlling, I would end the relationship, he's a killjoy and not willing not create a happy relationship with you.

FictionalCharacter · 19/01/2023 13:33

I’d make him an ex. Seriously, someone who continually chips away at you like this is a very unpleasant person and will destroy your self confidence if you don’t either put a very firm stop to it or bin them.

BethDuttonsTwin · 19/01/2023 13:38

I’d think he was looking down on me and thinking he was better and why would I want to share my life with someone like that?

Madamecastafiore · 19/01/2023 13:44

People who love you and care about you build you up, they're kind, they don't criticise, they may advise you in a constructive way when you're wrong but what he's doing isn't constructive, it's meant to make you feel less than you are and him more than he is. Dump the little cunt.

DowntonCrabby · 19/01/2023 13:46

Well he’s not going to get nicer and you know you deserve better so honestly OP just dump him. 🚩Flowers

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2023 13:55

What would I think about an ex, you mean? That is had a lucky escape

smileladiesplease · 19/01/2023 13:56

I wouldn't make anything of him I would tell him to fuck off pet. He sounds about 13!

WallaceinAnderland · 19/01/2023 14:09

I would think he didn't like me and I would wonder why I wanted to be with someone who didn't like me.

perfectcolourfound · 19/01/2023 14:17

Either he doesn't like you very much or he's determined to undermine you (probably so you lose some confidence and think he's superior).

Either way, he isn't a good bf. It's only banter if it's good natured and friendly teasing. Continually criticising someone isn't banter by any definition. At best he's boring and unfunny, and imature. At worst he's a controlling potential abuser.

ButtonHouseGhost · 19/01/2023 15:11

My recent ex was like this, he was younger than me and boy did the immaturity start showing.
Made fun of my looks, clothes, stuff I said etc in the guise of 'oh I was just kidding' it brought me down so much, my self esteem became shattered.
I realise now all he was doing was bringing me down to his level because he was punching and he knew it. Prick.
Get rid, it gets worse.. I promise.

Soundoftheundergroun81 · 19/01/2023 23:50

Sounds to me like he is in the early stages of trying to crush your spirit, be careful op he will get worse x

Macaroni46 · 19/01/2023 23:56

He sounds horrible OP. What do you get from being with him? You're worth so much better. Time to dump and move on.

KettrickenSmiled · 20/01/2023 00:19

What would you make of a boyfriend who:

I would make an ex-boyfriend of him.

Original poster
Lookingtothefuturenow · 20/01/2023 06:59

Thanks so much for all the responses - all saying the same thing really.

I'm actually out of this relationship now - discarded by him in the end - but I'm trying to work through with a therapist why I stayed in this relationship so for long. She said it absolutely wasn't banter, and so I was interested in what others thought. I suppose because he wasn't critical all the time and we'd good times too, I doubted myself. But I did feel inferior to him at times and I know there were red flags I ignored.

OP posts:
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