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Original poster

Is this banter or more serious?

102 replies

Lookingtothefuturenow · 19/01/2023 08:15

What would you make of a boyfriend who:

  • mocks your car
  • tells you to speed up or overtake when driving
  • criticises things about your home, that you worked hard to buy when still in your 20s
  • made fun of your choice of music
  • generally quizzed you about things that he knows a lot about and you don't, making you feel a bit stupid?
OP posts:
Toomanysleepycats · 19/01/2023 10:03

Some people might consider it’s banter, but only if the following is true.

It doesn’t bother you
You haven’t asked him to stop
You give as good as you get.

In a good relationship if one person does this and calls it banter, but the other person says they don’t like it, then the first person should just stop it out of respect for their partners feelings. Whether it’s banter or not is not really relevant to the argument.

If you don’t like it, you don’t like it. They should just stop.

Wailywailywaily · 19/01/2023 10:07

I wonder if you are dating my exH? Would declare to everyone and me how much he loved me but clearly didn’t like anything about me. Took me far too long to ditch him and be happy.

ganvough · 19/01/2023 10:09

Sounds he's been taking lesson on being a pick up artist/Andrew Tate, and is negging and attempting to manipulate you. Or just a garden variety arsehole.

DUMP.

heartbroken22 · 19/01/2023 10:10

He's an insecure jealous lowlife that probably doesn't have anything you have and is trying to put you down.

Choconut · 19/01/2023 10:16

How is he if you said similar things back to him? Does he make the same sort of jokey comments about his own things or just yours?
If it's jokey banter he'll enjoy your comebacks - banter is a two way thing, if it's putting you down then he won't. I'd guess though that he probably won't.

Patineur · 19/01/2023 10:21

I would think he was a tedious pillock and move on. There are definitely better people out there to have relationships with.

stopringingme · 19/01/2023 10:24

@Lookingtothefuturenow that is not banter - he is not worth you spending any further time on, please get rid.

Maybe drive him somewhere in your car that he mocks, driving at the speed you like to drive at, with your choice of music on and talk about your house and lastly ask him loads of questions about something you know a lot about - then dump his sorry arse beside the road and drive off.

Scooby5kids · 19/01/2023 10:27

Lookingtothefuturenow · 19/01/2023 08:15

What would you make of a boyfriend who:

  • mocks your car
  • tells you to speed up or overtake when driving
  • criticises things about your home, that you worked hard to buy when still in your 20s
  • made fun of your choice of music
  • generally quizzed you about things that he knows a lot about and you don't, making you feel a bit stupid?

Ask him why he's with you if he doesn't seem to like any of your life choices

Patineur · 19/01/2023 10:36

How does he react if you respond in similar terms? Tell him you're happy with your reliable car and wouldn't drive his penis extension pile of crap if you were paid, and see how he takes that.

ReadtheReviews · 19/01/2023 10:59

I dont agree with banter in relationships, bar very mild. Usually it's just showing contempt.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/01/2023 11:00

He sounds tedious. I'd dump him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Watchkeys · 19/01/2023 11:01

ReadtheReviews · 19/01/2023 10:59

I dont agree with banter in relationships, bar very mild. Usually it's just showing contempt.

I don't think anybody can speak generally here. It works in some relationships.

But if one of them is posting on a thread because they need the advice of strangers about it, it's not working in that relationship.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 19/01/2023 11:05

Yuk.

I think that would make me dislike him enough to be very petty and mean.

I'd wait until he commented on my driving and I would then pull over and put him out. See how he likes them bants!

You need to be rid of him. And you have no need to justify your decision. He exits your life immediately.

Yeahrightthen · 19/01/2023 11:11

I bet your bf is the one who mentioned the word “banter” isn’t he? It’s a word specifically used by wankers who want to say hurtful/rude things to people and pass it off as lighthearted fun - the meaning being that YOU are devoid of a sense of humour and over sensitive if you don’t find it funny. He’s probably v insecure and knows he punching above his weight with you so wants to bring you down a peg or two.

You could try and train him by spelling it out and listing the things you don’t like him to say as it undermines and upsets you - and if he carry’s on doing it well, that’s proof that he obviously doesn’t care about upsetting you isn’t it? And why would you want to be with someone like that?

But personally I couldn’t be arsed and I’d just dump the dickhead!

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:17

ganvough · 19/01/2023 10:09

Sounds he's been taking lesson on being a pick up artist/Andrew Tate, and is negging and attempting to manipulate you. Or just a garden variety arsehole.

DUMP.

I think a Great Thunberg quote is appropriate here;

[email protected]

There is no worldwide shortage of men that I'm aware of. .... Get the fuck of him.

Oh and I remember a poster on here before saying her bf was slagging off her home .... I hope it's not the same one and you're still with this wanker

Weekenders · 19/01/2023 11:18

He's not the one.

IsThePopeCatholic · 19/01/2023 11:19

He’s an airhead. He’s bullying. He’s immature. Dump him.

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:20

You could try and train him by spelling it out and listing the things you don’t like him to say as it undermines and upsets you

There is no training someone's fundamental character out of them.

He knows how to drive better than her, she must drive like he tells her.
He knows about various subjects better than her, he must try to highlight her ignorance.
He knows how to decorate a house better than her (does he even own one) etc etc etc.

Btw pressuring you to overtake while driving is fkg dangerous.

frozendaisy · 19/01/2023 11:21

Say "you're right my taste is awful including my taste in men bye bye"

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:22

Listen op, Ive only read about this guy on a forum and I am fantasising about doing him damage.

Just get rid

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:26

My very kind friend had a 5 yr old boy like this btw .... My dd innocently tried to play with lego in his house "do you even know what you're playing with? Do you even know what that character is?!", He is hosted in my Mum's seaside caravan "you live in a very small house!" (With a since expression), "you lost! You came third"! Re whatever challenge he just made up to upset my dd and lord it over her.

I try not to spend time around him because I get regular urges to drop kick him towards outer space.

But ateotd he's 5 (I don't think he'll improve but whatever m).

This is an adult.

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:26

*With a snide expression

HellonHeels · 19/01/2023 11:31

Channel Marie Kondo:

Does he spark joy? No! Out he goes.

TicketBoo23 · 19/01/2023 11:33

mocks your car
tells you to speed up or overtake when driving

So he thinks your car is shit.... But he wants you to speed up and overtake in it.

Do you really want to breed with someone this dumb?

Oh and is his car much better? Is that cause he's not got a mortgage but you have? Is that cause he overspends on the car compared to other budget aspects ie shit with money, pretensious.

BreviloquentBastard · 19/01/2023 11:35

I'd think he was deeply insecure and pathetic and dump him immediately.