New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

Baffy, once again it's like they're the same person! If the exe's go bonkers he rolls into action. If I do he takes his toys and goes off in a huff.

I am practising the control I need to have in order to get him to behave the way I want. It still galls me tho as I still tend to lean towards it being me who has to change and him still getting off scot free.

I have texted a thank you for the card and that's that. The ball is in his court now. Believe me I won't forget his words from Saturday wrt dd in a very very long time.

Mean to review divorce papers today but haven't had time. Still can't shake this cough and sinus thing.

HW, glad dd's foot is on the mend. Don't feel too bad. dd tripped and cut her mouth yesterday and until the blood poured out when she opened it i was all "oh that wasn't so bad, up you get!".

TFM, I like lesson one. Continue!

But Baffy, could it not be said that we are all guilty of using 'control' to a certain extent, to get what we want from a person or situation. It's just a matter of how we use that control. Then, how we react to it when we don't get the outcome that we would have liked.

I think sometimes, people i.e the tossers, are more open and 'giving' when they feel safe to be so, which means that you yourself (not personally of course) have used a form of control in a very productive way and the outcome is good.

I am just trying desperately to put a different perspective on things, a different slant which is less negative and helps to put a stop to the constant battle that PC seems to be caught up in with H and her own mind. Like you say, I don't think H is controlling PC deliberately, in so much that PC is feeling controlled by his behaviour, which is what happens when he stops communicating.

Can you tell that I am trying out reverse psychology

HW Bless DD. I bet she feels better for having that removed!! I hope she is up and about again soon.
Maybe we should stop reading relationship psychology books and start reading books on witchcraft. Cast some spells and have some real fun with these OW before we see them off for good

PC, you do not have to change, you don;t have to change at all. What you have to change is the way you react and respond to him. He will be so used to you by now and expecting certain responses from you, you will throw him totally off track and cause him to react differently by the change in your own behaviour.

It can be done and it does work. It just takes a little practice

HW - poor DD - hope her foot heals soon!

This is going to be quite a trip to the strip club, girls ! I've got my naughty cap on!

Baffy, yes, I'm a Wonderful Mum! I have a halo encircling my Naughty Cap!

I've got a BB gun Tanee, beat that!

TFM

Yeah lets stop all this phyco-babble and start some hubble bubble toil and trouble instead.

The thing is i actualy feel better for knowing that she is doing this - i seem to find it easier to handle and i believe h more than when he says he has not seem her iyswim. I think as well h doesnt see me as a pysco either because i seem to be 'right' (as usual).

Had a great counselling session on friday, alone - it seems i have taken responsibility for the relationship and i now find it hard to 'allow' h to do his bit to show me he is committed. Even thugh he is doing so much i seem to want to dot the i's and cross the t's just to make sure and then i start to question myself.

I have to have more trust in myself that i will not be taken for a fool again and if he does do it again it will not be my fault in any way, and i will be able to survive anyway.

That makes perfect sense HW. It easier said than done though isn't it partly I would think, because it means you letting go and moving on. You may fear that if you do let go and you do start to move on then your guard will be down and you will leave yourself open to being hurt again. I suppose what you have at the moment is your defence barrier up. I suppose it all boils down to allowing yourself to trust him again. Trust that he will never hurt you again. But, you may not want to do that because then it will seem you have forgiven him and then he might think he has got away with it and so on and so on It's a minefield of emotions isn't it!

I would so love for you to wake up one morning and find all the insecurites, all the worries and doubts have gone away, really gone away, not just you forcing yourself to push them away because you know it is the best thing for your relationship. I would love for you to be able to start afresh with H with none of the above hanging over you.

Just a thought but, if the roles were reversed and it was H who was 'making his presence felt' around OW, I am sure she would be crying harassment!

HW, it sounds like H is doing the best he can, in a very difficult situation (albeit of his own making). And I suspect that a fair number of people know her for what she is!

TFM - a BB gun AND a freezer. OK, I bow to you !

I think she needs a reminder that you exist HW. Is it feesable for you to 'pop in' to DH's office with a nice lunch for him? Failing that, get a bloody fantastic photo of yourself done and get it framed for his desk. You could go for one of those makeover things where they drape you in a scarf and make you look all sexy and glam

Failing all that, we will take him to the tattoo parlour with Baffy's H and get his forehead tattooed with "PISS OFF SG, I'M TAKEN!" Would all that fit?

Don't forget the mincer too Tanee

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Hi Dior, just about to go home.

Sounds like your H is really trying now - good for you!

Yes, do feel free to copy my friend's idea - I plan to try it for DD's 16th in April (she was very envious of Jo Brand) - just to see if any of the hairy rock bands she likes respond. I could let you know who responds well (Jo Brand, I love her!!! )

Catch up with you all tomorrow.

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TFM - spot on again - i too would love to just wake up and feel able to trust (anyone) agian. I would not wish this on anyone and i am beginning to wonder if the slight sadness i now seem to carry will be with me forever - should i just accept it and move on anyway? That is not to say i am sad at all - i am just wary of being too high for now. (the times when i do feel high i am in control of the situation and have not trusted anyone else with my happiness if that makes sense.)

I also think she would be calling harrasment if it were the other way around - i do sometimes think men get a raw deal in that respect.

Have a good evening everyone.

DD is better but enjoying all the attention from her sofa throne , and milking it for all she can get away with - she really is my daughter .

TFM, I think maybe I should be in remedial class?

Tanee, brilliant idea for birthday cards. May well nick it!

Yes HW, it does make sense.

I think probably we feel at our most vulnerable when the anger subsides a little and we find ourselves slipping back into our usual patterns. The highs come from doing something different, making changes to ourselves and our lives but soon those changes too become 'the norm' and we don't get the same feelings of elation from them. The highs we experience in the first instance give us a kind of power, an edge which make us feel in control, when that subsides, when 'the norm' slips back in, we feel a little out of control again and thats where the insecurity and the vulnerability make a reappearance.

Personally, I wouldn't accept the sadness, I would accept that my ability to trust had gone. Personally, I have the ability to forgive but not really forget and to be honest, I don't want to forget because those memories of betrayal etc are little reminders to myself that I have been hurt and could be hurt again. I don't constantly think about them or recall them but, they are there if ever I find myself in a similar situation. I don't really do trust. Trust means that you have to hand 'yourself' over to a person or a situation and 'trust' that they are not going to abuse your faith in them and that they are going to put your wellbeing before there own etc. The only person I trust is myself It would be very cruel of me to put my trust in another person because they would suffer like no one had ever suffered before if they let me down!
Thats why I choose to work on forgiveness above anything else.

You seem to be doing great! You have achieved such a lot in a relatively short time. You should be very proud of yourself! xx

PC Nope! I am not going to put you in remedial class, I have just removed your 'well done' sticker from the chart and you will get it back when I see an improvement. I did give you a tick and a star for sending a simple 'thank you for the card' text though

A frantic wave ladies sorry for being so rubbish at keeping up i am hoping 'normal life' will resume some time soon
Hope you all getting on ok

Thanks TFM

DD still milking it a bit but generally much better,

Busy day today - trying to catch up with all the washing.

Wow I can't keep up these days.
Head to full of my own nonsense!

HW I think you're doing great. I really do. I think I will be on your doorstep begging for your advice if H and ever decide to make a go of it again... we're meeting to 'talk' tonight

PC - I think you should listen to TFM. I just rant and rave and talk rubbish! Her advice is way over my head. Far too clever for me!

hello lilyloo by the way

lovely to see you

don't know how you manage to even find a spare minute to get on here - I'm very impressed!!

Baffy

The only way i could give advice is to tell you not to make some of the same mistakes i have made.

You are doing so well too - and you know i would not ever tell you not to give him a chance if that is what you want.

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