New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

Yes HW, I'm ooop North. We weren't in the epicentre but certainly felt the aftershocks.

I'v just been looking at all the weeds that have popped up in my garden as soon as my back is turned.... the little blighters. It's too cold here today though so, I may just 'plan' when I'm going to dig them out

You have a lovely day too xx

Hallooo all - the earth didn't move for me either, in N London - though as I was fairly tiddley, I might not have noticed.

Thanks everyone for your lovely birthday greetings. I really think this was the most fabulous birthday I've ever had - despite all the cards with 50 on them (dd said I should go round to all the friends who sent them and chop their heads off .

The sun shone, the day went well. DP made me a good breakfast - kiwi fruit and banana rolls - pain au chocolat, rhubarb and ginger yogurt and a fryup! This was to prepare for the champagne to come!!

We got the train to Brighton late morning, and opened the champers when we'd passed East Croydon station (felt out of London then), had a glass, then bought chips and ate them with champagne sitting in the sun on the pier. Lovely, the sea was sparkling and it was really mild. Then walked to the Pavilion and visited the art gallery - fabulous collection of little black dresses - after this I was a bit tired for the shops, so we went to a pub near a Spanish Tapas restaurant that had been recommended, I had a delicious mineral water and we spent two hours eating the best tapas outside Spain and drinking a very fine Rioja. Then home via another recommended pub, ate Sussex cheeses on the train, and when we got home, I opened all my pressies. DP really spoilt me. So am feeling very loved up .

Today we're going to the police station later, to see if he's to be charged for his silly behaviour - so am a bit worried - fingers crossed, girls......

Hi all, sorry for being a tease. Will try to get onto FB later altho no promises. Have to do some work and prepare for a career progression meeting with my boss

Earth didn't move for me either but I know people who are claiming they felt it in North London. I am a bit suss tho, they may just be jumping on the band wagon lol.

Tanee, sounds a fabulous day. So glad it was wonderful, you deserve.

Finger's x'd that dp gets a good outcome with the police. I guess he should get double brownie points for ensuring a lovely day for you despite being worried about himself.

Message withdrawn

Tannee - Glad you had a great birthday - it all sounds so romantic. Hope it went OK with the Police.
If there were any tremors down here last night I didn't notice - mind you I slept through the whole hurricane in 1987 !
I've not been on here a lot lately but you won't be surprised to hear that I took dp back. He was seemed so different this time, and he really tried but things just didn't feel right between us and we didn't get on very well. I just couldn't forgive what happened over Christmas and resented him getting away with it again (even though I wanted him to come back - crazy eh?)
Anyway, to cut a long story short he's now gone back to the love of his life - the bottle
I'm so relieved to be on my own again and this time it will be permanent.

Oh ginnedup so sorry I really hoped it would work this time - I know how you feel but when you lose respect for whatever reason it is so hard to regain it

Ginnedup

So sorry but you know you have the strength to go it alone already.

Dont feel bad that you took him back its becuase you want to see the best in him. It is up to him to get to his lowest point before he can turn it around and whilst you were there he never reached it.

Just like all these weak men he will probably wait until it is too late.

If we are tea-bags are the men the sugar? - able to make our life sweet but disolves in hot water - and the more hot water the weaker they become. .

Oh and just like sugar too much is not good for you - it makes you fat.

And gives you highs and lows yes HW, i think men suit the 'sugar' perfectly!

And the cravings - we all know it is bad for us but we still keep going to the busciut bin. Actually maybe they are the buscuits, dip them in they go all limp and crumble and then you are left with a messy cup at the end of it.

ginnedup so sorry it didn't work out
at least you know you really did try your very best. you can't do anymore than you've done
how are you now?

tanee I'm really glad you had such a lovely day. sounds perfect.
let us know how it went at the police station xx

Maybe we have something here HW. I think your sugar theory is a good one. It all makes sense!

We get addicted to the highs and lows from it, we get withdrawl symptoms when we aren't getting it, when we've got it we are cross with ourselves cos we've given into it. We fall for it's sweetness hook line and sinker but it's bad for our health, makes us fat and leaves a mess wherever it goes!

Maybe we should rename DH/DP/GW to SC - Sugar Cube!

hmmm, would there be any mileage in swapping out the sugar for aspartme? rots your brain tho doesn't it that stuff....

ginned, so sorry things have turned out the way they have. fwiw, i think you had to travel the road this far in order to make the decision you have.

eventually you do arrive at a point where you accept you cannot change them, they aren't ready to change themselves and you're not prepared to tolerate them any longer.

going back to what's been said before about changing how we react to their behaviour. i know that communication etc is better with H now because I am less emotional about it all.

he thinks that's a good thing, he finds it easier to spend time with me as a result etc. the poor deluded man doesn't realise that my lack of emotion is due to my reaching a point where i just don't care anymore.

as baffy said the other day, one day he'll realise it and it will hit him hard when that happens. in all liklihood i still won't care - how sad is that?

I know what you mean pc

And totally agree, you do have to take them back/keep trying for as long as you want to do it. It's the only way you reach your own natural 'end' and find the strength to move on.

I told H and NM on Tuesday that I want nothing more to do with either of them I just want to be alone. No more questions. That's it.
Had to go to London yesterday at short notice so didn't manage to update you.

NM seems to have accepted it which is a relief. Just 1 text this morning saying can we go for a drink tomorrow night 'just to talk'.
Erm... no!

H's response... was 'why are you giving up now when everything's out in the open and I can start to move on'

cryptic as ever!
and cheeky bugger! (I really do think he wants me to keep trying - cause he still can't find the balls to try himself)

I said he's pushed me to breaking point and I no longer feel I have anything to give to the relationship.

I know he was trying to say no, don't give up, I think we can sort it. But he never actually got those words out. Just skirted round it wondering why I was giving up!! Said he would never ever hurt me again. But he's just finding it all just so difficult. How could he face our friends and family with me with everyone knowing what he's done etc etc...

Does anyone else matter?!! No!

Er no shit it's difficult!!! He wants to have lived in my shoes for the past 18 months!

Perhaps if he started to fight for the relationship I wouldn't actually need to give up!
I refuse to spell that out to him though.
I'd rather be alone than tell him what he needs to do to save his marriage.

Heres a dilema for you

H came home last night a bit upset as he had been out to lunch with some one who knows what went on and used to work with them both - well it turns out that ow is stabbing h in the back professionally. Now i am not really surprised at that tbh as i think i have a fairly good grip on the workings of the female brain, but h is a bit stunned by it all, as it would not cross his mind to do that to her. It is not becuse he has feelings anymore it is just that as far as he is concerned it was a foolish mistake they both made and should have both known what the consequenses were.

I think h has been a bit dim in thinking that things could carry on like before but he doesnt really know how to handle it. It is not as easy to just walk out of his job and he would never do that anyway as he has a lot of people relying on him.

She was asked to be moved and from the info he got yesterday made a bit of a scence about leaving if they didnt do what she wanted (she got promotion - and so will not leave not either).

He doesnt want to go squealing to the boss as it will make him look a bit silly and he does not want to lower himself to her level. Also think the bosses are typically male and would not even see it as a problem anyway. I feel so cross that they should have sorted it out in the first place. Surely anyone with only half a brain could have seen this coming. I feel a bit cross with myself too as maybe i should have insisted she was completly out of our lives in every way before we started to try and rebuild.

I suppose i worry that she has made herself to be the victim and gained a lot of support over this. I cant say i blame her really - i am sure i would do the same. H just seems to hate her at the moment - which is ok by me but a bit of a negative emotion to have to someone you sometimes have to work with.

HW I guess she is totally ashamed of herself and ultimately, she did not get the man. He realised his stupid mistake and went back to the love of his life.

She wants revenge.

And I totally understand what you mean, women can be so devious and manipulative (I know men can be too), but IMO, men just want to forget things like this and move on. Women what some 'justice' for what's happened.

Regarding what he can do...
I agree that maybe going to the boss will not only be seen as 'telling tales' but probably not looked upon very well.
Even though it is her that's letting her personal life affect her working life.

Without any more info, my suggestion would be that he has to find some way to play her at her own game.
He has to stop being so trusing and hoping she deals with it in the same way as him.
He has to find a way to make it clear to her that he won't stand for any more of her sh*t.
Or - start finding ways to undermine her work and professional relationships if that's what she's doing to him.

He shouldn't have to stoop to her level. But realistically, what choices does he have. Let her ruin his home and work life?!

Silly silly man.
If only they thought with their brains instead of their bits!!!!!

Thanks baffy - you are right men are a different species.

I think she does want revenge - well who can blame her really. And h is finally seeing it too. (which is good in that she really is showing her true colours to him now).

I suppose we just have to hope that others see it for what it is and she may shot herself in the foot afterall.

I suppose on the bright side - for me - if she is wasting her time thinking up ways to get back at him she may take her eye off the ball at work. Hopefully someone else will see that and so it wont look as though h is out to get back at her either.

He must have some allies at work otherwise this person would not have told him what was going on - they were quite upset about it too.

Lets hope it can just run its course at work and eventually they will settle into their roles. I think she is still a bit cross as she would have loved his job too, she is now doing something else altogether which must hurt her a bit too.

Personally, I think he should just try to ignore it and rise above it. I don't see any point in getting involved with this woman at all, not on any level, even if it is through a third party, i.e his boss. Let her get on with her mud slinging, show herself up for the nasty, selfish, self centred, 'I am the most important person in my life' SG woman that she is!! (can you tell I have PMT? Anyone who knows your H, knows he is worth his salt is not going to take any notice of her anyway.

Also, I would tell him to get over himself. So what if she is slagging him off, she isn't important to him and her opinion of him, professionally or otherwise isn't important either. He doesn't need to be liked or approved of by anybody, especially her!!

Dear Heaven HW, what a twonk - and he's now reaping the wind. Trouble is, we can be very nasty when crossed - 'hell hath no fury' etc. Baffy's advice sounds good - distance himself and if necessary play her at her own game - but what a shame it had to come to this.

GP - SO sorry that your final attempt to reconcile failed. He'll find the bottle a poor bedmate in the end .

Mine is still uncertain of his fate - the police said it's been referred to the CPU and he has to come back on 1 April. So it's still not over and done with .

Today, we are eating chocolate cake at work and I've been given a nice bottle of St Emilion and a DVD of Atonement - so I am very happy

And I love the idea of men as sugar - or aspertame! How appropriate !

And I've lodged a complaint with DD's school about her textiles teacher - as matters reached crisis point this week, with the whole class either in tears or shouting at her because she's messed them all up so much and wouldn't let them finish their projects. I honestly think the woman's on drugs!

Well done Baffy by the way, I'm proud of you

Let H sweat!!!

Thanks tfm and tannee

Of course he now realises the huge mess he has created and yes he is being a bit pathetic about it. The main trouble is i dont think he has a clue about how much of a thick skin he is going to have to have now. They used to work quite closely and it is awkward as clients have noticed that they are no longer a team - and that is a blow to the company. When people have asked him he has said she has asked to move (which she has) but of course i am sure her version of events will always put h in the wrong.

I know there is not much we can do about it now except just get on and enjoy our life, but that is harder when i hear what she is saying and i find myself just wishing there was something i could do to make her just disappear - which only leads to me come up with evil plans - which i know is not good as i am then wasting my time on her again.

Anyway on a brighter note i am going to meet h for a spot of late night shopping and a spot of supper so have to go and glam myself up - oh yeah and put away the shopping and do the washing and get supper for the dcs.

Sorry baffy had missed your post about hs coments.

I think he is trying to put the blame on you for 'giving up' on him in his hour of need!!!!! Twat.

A friends h still does this and it is 20 years since she left her h under similar situation to ours, he still trys to tell their children that he would have done anything and that the reason his life is not so good is because she left him - needless to say the children hardly see him now and her only regret is that she 'forced' them to see him during the holiday when they were small (they have now said that was their worst times of their childhood).

The minute he realises this is all his doing he will begin to move on - not just because you now have the facts - afterall he had them all the time anyway and still couldnt move on.

He wants to play the victim again.

You are doing the right thing and you sound so strong.

I can totally understand how you feel HW, totally, BUT, any thoughts given to her, in any form, are giving her power, keeping her in your life. She just isn't worth it.

BUT, while I have such raging PMT, like never before PMT! I will think of some really good actions of revenge!!!

Have a lovely night tonight, link his arm, smile at him and be all lovely. Thats the best revenge! xx

Good post HW! Just like that sweet biscuit, drawing baffy in. Just think of the mess in the bottom of the cup after Baffy!

Thanks TFM and HW.
I do feel a lot stronger. I just want to be alone.

And I really don't care at the moment what H, or anyone else, thinks about that!!! In fact the more he suffers, the better!

I think I have PMT too.

Tell me what I should do though - H is texting asking me to go round on Sunday morning with ds so he and ds can make me a mother's day breakfast of my favourite things...
Just seems so shallow and pathetic.
Hardly a luxurious lie in and breakfast in bed. I'll have to get up, get myself and ds ready, drive the 20 mins over to H's, and then sit all uncomfortable in his flat while they make me a breakfast to tell me what a wonderful mum I am...
Can't I just give mother's day for myself a miss this year?