New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

ffs what is wrong with the girl??!!!

Baffy are you ok?

Have you thought of making a complaint to the police? She sounds seriously deranged. Im so but this needs to stop she cannot harass and threaten you or ds in this way.Its just not acceptable.

Hi Baffy

Keep the note and definitely dont let h see your son unless he is supervised in case she does get to see him too. If it bothers h so much he can get a court order to get access and then you can get your concerns heard.

How are you getting on with the divorce - does she not realise that by serving him papers you are doing everything you can to get him out of your life.

Dont get drawn into it though as at least you can have your dignity in all of this.

She knows she has lost and is probably now feeling a complete fool and is just reacting - remember she is still a child.

If you need me to do anything then you can email or face book me.

Take care

people who are truely happy dont need to do those sort of things so you need to pity her really.

I'd been to a gig with my sister last night, walked up the path about midnight and spotted the note.

Hid it from my sis, just said it was a flyer and must have been there from earlier in the day, then texted H straight away. My heart was pounding. The fact that she (or someone she knew) had the cheek to walk up my path and put something on my car. When ds was in the house! What next, something through the letterbox?!

H called me straight away. He was really shocked and concerned. And we discussed going to the police. I have kept the note safe while I decide.

Thing that scares me is that she knows too much. Everything about me and my family, where we all live/work etc. I'm seriously worried about inflaming the situation and her going off on one completely

I felt like screaming at H. I was getting the big supportive concerned husband crap, and I just wanted to tell him where to go! It's HIM that has caused this situation, HE let he into our lives, HE told her everything she wanted to know. And now he wants us to join forces to get rid of her because he's finally decided he's had his fun and wants to move on!

I just don't want anything to do with either of them. As far as I'm concerned they can have each other. Him and his family put this girl and their relationship ahead of my fears and my baby's safety. I really think I hate them all

Sorry for the rant! Guess I'm not really ok

x-posts, thanks HW

I really do think you need to get your solicitor to speak to both of them - say what you have said here to us about being worried - the solicitor can then state that you have started divorce proceedings which may make her calmer.

I know you are worried about getting the divorce but it is still only the first steps and you can actually back out later.

At least this will show that you really do mean business and hopefully they will both get the message.

At the moment you really dont need gw in your life complicating it - but it sounds as if he is looking for some hope from you (and sg knows that too so is angry at you). He sounds as if he could not cope on his own anyway. Dont be afraid that this will make things worse (how can it?). Just make sure you are in control and dont get sucked in again.

Baffy im sorry but i don't think this girl is going to go away not quietly anyway. I think you need to discuss this with your family and also with fil so everyone is aware of just how unstable she is and then they are in a better position to protect you and ds and also themselves if necessary.

I think she is counting on your lovely nature not to take this any further.

If it were me id definately speak to the police they can take out an injunction for you then if she breaks it they can arrest her.

Any chance you can throw a sickie and just go home and be with ds? Sounds like you could do with a cuddle from him

Thanks, and don't worry I won't get sucked in again. I was playing with ds before work this morning and he was smiling away singing to me and all I feel is sick to the pit of my stomach when I think about how H put his relationship with this lunatic before his own wife and most of all, before his gorgeous child.

He doesn't deserve anything from me anymore he really doesn't.

Part of me didn't want her to know anything about the divorce as I never wanted to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she was the reason we were ending the marriage for good. It almost gives her too much importance - more than she deserves!
But perhaps that will be the only way to make her realise that he didn't leave her for me, he left her because he no longer wants to be with her.
She just won't accept it. (Or perhaps he's letting her believe it's because of me - makes him seem like he's not the bad guy in all this, it's the pressure from his wife that split them up!)
She's mad at me because my own husband might want to come back to his wife?!

Stupid thing is that now, she's actually welcome to him!

Why did he have to do this

Thanks sugar. I'd give anything to go and be with ds. I'm the only manager here today though and there's 12 staff in and out asking for work to do so there's just no way I can leave

You are probably right baffy - he just probably cant even admit to her that he does not want her and would rather say it is your fault that she has lost out.

Surely he would not want her in ds life either - is he going to do anything about that? You probably dont need to answer that - stupid question really.

I bet h is panicing at the moment though as everything he thought he could still have is slipping through his fingers.

Next move for him will be somehow blaming you for his 'depression' which will kick in soon i bet. It sounds as if he has already got his fil on his side.

H got some of our friends to give me the sob story when my h was at his lowest. He never went this far though.

It might be an idea to let fil know what is going on and hope his better nature will give you the space to do the best for ds.

Try and have as good a day as you can - you are so amazing and strong and i for one admire how you are handling all this.

Thanks HW

Funny you should mention FIL but I did ring him this morning! I rang to explain why I was keeping ds away, explained about her messages and the note last night.

Decided it was time he heard my version of the story!!

Also took the opportunity to make it very clear that I'm disgusted in the way he lied to keep this girl in H's life, especially as FIL was actually there last year when she turned up at midnight to his house and then smashed H's car in!

I said I would never stop ds from seeing him or H, but given the recent developments I hope he can now see why I never wanted her in ds's life. And that I will bring ds to them when I can, but I hope he appreciates that I won't be leaving him unsupervised for the forseeable future as I can no longer trust him or H.

He was very quiet. Ashamed of himself I think. Apologised profusely. Then tried to say that "nobody would harm ds when he's with me baffy, I promise" - I just said to him, he can't possibly predict what this girl will do next, none of us can, and how can he protect ds if he's walking along the street and she just turns up out of the blue and causes a scene. He can't magically make ds disappear in a puff of smoke can he! If she's determined enough, ds will witness an outbusrt, I'm certain of it.
She wants me and ds off the scene, then she thinks H will be all hers.

I think after all that he can apperciate now why I won't take that risk! I know he's angry at H for what he's done and for causing this whole mess. And he said if he ever saw OW again he'd kill her!!

good for baffy,
At least you have some satifaction that she is hurting - hs ow never did contact me or have any kind of outbust either with me or h - i find it a bit strange really and i think that is why i sometimes do have the odd panic that they are still at it!!!

All i can do is give h my trust and believe him - i still cant bring myself to believe that she would be that low to still be having any relationship with him either - but i am too trusting of people anyway.

Not sure what is the best outcome - ranting and raving or just going away quietly?

Not sure either. Probably is no best outcome is there... I do get some satisfaction knowing she's hurting. But that also brings the insecurity that H will want to comfort her/make things better for her and carry it on anyway.

Can't win either way!

Other than perhaps the OW having an unfortunate accident... perhaps superglue getting accidentally spilt on their legs so they have to keep them closed for the rest of their lives!!

Hi everyone

I've missed all the action again! my internet has been down i've got through almost a whole bar of fruit and nut in anger!

Baffy, that girl is not only dispicable she is a loose cannon. She obviously feels untouchable. You have recieved some great advice here but please, can i just add my twopenneth I would contact the non emergency police and tell them all that has happened with OW, I would ask for it all to be logged then, if anything else happens you can take action straight away. They don't have to intervene at the moment, not unless you want them to but, it will be more benficial to you if you have already reported all this should you need to have her cautioned.
Plus, i think you need to make sure you and ds are protected. She is a right bunny boiler this one!

Good on you too for ringing FIL. I bet you feel a whole lot better for getting all that off your chest. I second what HW says though, you keep ds very close to you, I wouldn't let him being going off with GW, FIL or anyone not related to me! Better to be safe and worry free than sorry!

xx

Thanks

I think I may do that. It would make me feel better to be doing something practical too.

Now, has anyone got any good ideas for excuses for me to get out of work this afternoon? One of the other Directors has come in now and I really just want to go home and be with ds
I can take my laptop and 'work' to do from home, but just can't think of a good excuse!!

Stamp your foot, look him in the eye and tell him you are going home whether he likes it or not! Tell him you are not paid enough to work all day in the office and, and, you are not happy that this job is coming between you and MN, that is not what you signed up for! then turn on your heel and walk out, with laptop firmly under your arm,. You could slam the door for effect too

Failting that, tell him you have a migraine starting and you need to get home before your vision goes completely and you are unable to drive xx

PS, please, don't think about telling the police, just do it. We are worried for you xx

Just caught up with the thread - things so hectic at work that I can't go on MN often, and hectic at home too, with DD stressing about GCSEs - and her incompetent textiles teacher has COMPLETELY messed up her project, so we have had to start from scratch. Honestly, I feel quite angry - the woman doesn't seem to know the first thing about dressmaking or patchwork - so I'm doing the unpicking and teaching and she's getting paid for it !

Anyway (deep breath) Baffy, you are doing SO well. I loved your text to H - and your firm stance seems to have forced him to see what is so glaringly obvious - that the girl is dangerous. Looks like FIL is finally getting the message too. Really about the note. I would send her a legal letter warning her off - and if that doens't work, take out an injunction.

Can't add more to what the others have said, except ditto.

Ernest, hope you're feeling better. It's so easy to destroy a relationship and it will take time to rebuild that trust - particularly in your case, where you've got so much going on and H isn't with you.

A friend of mine (who was a man), admitted once that men are very simple creatures, and need things spelled out in very simple terms...

And yes, tell the police, so it's on record.

Have a migraine Baffy, and go home to ds !

hi tannee

I will have the nightmare GCSEs next year so any tips for what to do now much appriciated. A friend of mine had to re-do her daughters textiles too - its as if the schools see it a second class exam and not really interested, Good luck with the sewing.

Gosh and you met a man who actually admitted to be a simple creature (his wife must have been really good at getting him to be honest )

Oh god Baffy I really understand - H OW was very similar - the only thing that worked in the end was a stern letter from my solicitor from me and H warning her off and now I just ignore her (though I know at some stage will have to deal with her as her child is half sister to my DD's) and for this I am soooo angry at H he let her in and now she will never be gone...sorry to hijack but I so get how you feel - how did they let these lunatics into our lives when they had us

baffy my xb is on fb and is a po he can give you some unofficial advise if i ask him to? Hope your ok?

Hi HW, yes, I don't know why they offer a subject if they can't find a teacher with the technical skills for it. DD says her friends rely more on the tips I give her - especially after they've been round to our house and see all the needlepoint cushions and patchwork quilts lying around - I do feel I would have gone into textiles in another life - though the money's not so good. I've never SEEN such a bad job as her teacher made of 'helping' by sewing her patchwork together - and as some of it was suede, the materials hadn't been cheap!

We're going to spend tomorrow working on it and will produce the most beautiful fully lined woollen frock and suede and satin bag ever .

As for my 'simple' male friend, sadly, his marriage didn't go too well. He really was a bit simple there - married a girl he met on holiday, who was Russian - my exh and I couldn't see what he saw in her - DD said she looked like a man! and the body language from her wasn't good, she never really seemed to be in love with him. They married, had a baby 4 months later and she left him two weeks after that. It was all very sad - now he lives in Sussex and she and his son live in St Petersburg - not much access there ...

Just so we remember that sometimes, the men are more sinned against than sinning .

Having said that, he & I did date for a short time about 20+ years ago, and sweet as he was, I think as a husband, he would have driven any woman mad!

Tips for dealing with GCSE stress, yes, any time . The main one at the moment seems to be, keep reassuring them that they can only do their best, and if anything goes horribly wrong, it's not the end of the world, they can always resit - and they should have a bit of fun with their friends too or take time to just veg.

And provide them with plenty of healthy snacks!

It certainly makes me glad I'll never be doing exams again - she works far harder than I ever did, and as she wants to study art and possibly textiles to degree level, I'm really quite mad at the poor teaching, as she needs the grades.

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Hi all,
wow Baffy, I'm totally shocked at recent events. Can't believe what a complete and utter psycho she is, she seriously must have a real problem. An ex boyfriend of mine got very upset when I finished with him, and shortly after took up with my own GW. He went from being very upset and wanting me back, to sending me abusive texts saying he knew where we were and he was going to come and sort us out, someone else was coming to sort us out, to finally he hoped i'd die in a car crash and he'd try to arrange it. Nice. I went straight to the police after that last one, and they took it very seriously indeed. I had all the texts, only about 20 or so, so nothing compared to you. THey said they would be calling him in to the station that afternoon, and giving him a severe reprimand, but nothing official. I have never heard from him to this day. I would really recommend you go and do that, she sounds scary.

As for me, NM is here this week from NY, but it's been a disappointing week to be honest. Just not seen him much, and doesn't feel like we've had the chance to reconnect. Add to that he's enormously stressed with work (he talked me through it and it is quie serious, his reputation is on the line, and he has a considerable amount of money at risk)He has also been ill, arrived on Mon with a raging fever and feeling terrible - severe case of man flu. THe possibility of dying was mentioned But it's been disappointing. Will elaborate more later, but he's at a client dinner tonight and i'm waiting to hear from him to go and meet him, he goes back to NY tomorrow

Really feeling low and miserable again, and just can't seem to snap myself out of it. Feel very sorry for myself, even though there are far worse things going on around me. Really tired of feeling so low.

GW is off to Sydney soon, and taking wretched slutfaceslutguts with him, so that's proving hard to bear too.

Right better get some dinner and hope that I might get a phone call soon. Bloody men

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