New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

An imposter! maybe I should namechange to 'TheRealTimeForMe'

8.30pm is good for me too ladies. If I can keep DP off the laptop that is. I will have to hide it before he comes home

there'll only ever be 1 tfm tho

Awh bless you Ernest

How are you feeling? Brighter I hope xx

Agree there will only ever be 1 TFM. They'd have to be T4M - not as good is it!

Am loving 'TheRealTimeForMe' though!

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Thanks Dior

See you later ladies xx

Hi Teabags,

Haven't had any time for MN today as it's been mad at work - but just wanted to wish you all a happy Valentines's Day - I'm heading home later to face a barrage of roses (I wish!) - but first, a drink with the lads at work - they're my Valentines today .

My boss is No 5 in the St Valentine's Day top fanciable MPs apparently - and she's the oldest !

Hope for us all then

Sorry to make you cry Baffy (even if it was in a good way), sounds like NM agrees with us - you are great!
Wish I could join you all at 8.30 now. I spend every night wishing I could go out and now I have the chance I'm so tired and still coughing like an old man I could just curl up in bed (with laptop of course).
I'm such a sad old git!
Enjoy your evening ladies

Dior I have just taken a look at your blog and WOW! What a clever girl you are! Not only is it a lovely blog but, the things you make really are beautiful! Do you manage to sell a lot of what you make? I came across a site called Mumz Mall where you open a little online shop (you may have already seen it) I think it would be perfect for you.

Well done you!

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just adding this to my list again

hope you're all ok, catch up later

Hi all, sorry not to have been around much - single handed in the office today and we have SUCH a backlog, and I never seem to get time on the pc at home.

Dior, just checked your blog - what LOVELY work - very taken with your beading. I know what you mean about not making any profit, however. I tried glass painting for awhile some years ago - lots of praise, lots of orders from friends and even one from a shop, but I made very little out of it. One of my exMIL's asked me to make a quilt once, and seemed very put out when I said it would cost about £500, since she'd seen cheap Chinese quilts for about £30. I had to go into all the costs - good quality fabric, wadding, sewing time etc not to mention the time spent designing the thing in the first place - and said that realistically, if she wanted a slave labour product, she'd better answer one of the adverts in the colour supplements.

So - no commissions to make quilts for me then - of course, if my name were Kaffe Fassett....

Lillybubble, I liked the first play - very strange, very stylised, but an interesting idea about a couple living out a fantasy of each having an affair...with each other! And the husband becoming jealous - of himself! Would have liked to see Richard Coyle in the role. Our friend is understudying Gina McKee and we thought was very good. Afraid I dozed off a bit during the second play as it didn't really engage me. A bit of an oddity.

And yes, we would LOVE any freebies! It's ironic that DP's in the business, yet we're so broke that unless someone gets us comps, we miss out on west end shows.

Ernest, so sorry about your anniversary - I'm not wild about cut flowers either (except daffodils), feeling that most of them are overpriced or exploiting labour in some thirdworld country - I would have been upset too that H couldn't think of something more personal - like sending you a book or cd through Amazon that he thought you'd like.

I got a little anthology called 'First Love' from dp, and a bottle of cava and chocolates (they were doing a deal at Morrison's - and I gave him a Victorian print of a romantic scene from a Shakespeare play that I found in a print shop the other day - no proper cards. We had a lovely evening - after I'd persuaded DD to go to bed .

Am getting caught up in all the bloody relationship threads on here at the mo!

Perhaps if I solve everyone elses problems my own will magically disappear!!

My latest load of boring crap that you've all heard before update... I was extremely charitable and let H come with me and ds for our day out on friday (as I mentioned on FB). Had a nice day, despite everything, and ds's face was a picture. Gorgeous! Really enjoyed it. Will put pictures on FB.

Anyway, H must have told OW (remember, this is the woman he finished with last week ) that the 3 of us went out for the day. She sent me a nasty text on Friday night saying 'enjoy your day out playing happy families did you?! why don't you just f off out of our lives' etc etc...

Anyway, I ignored it. Trying hard not to get sucked in. Went away to visit some friends this weekend. NM came along. Had a (mostly) lovely time.

Mrs nutter psycho bitch got another bee in her bonnet on Saturday (follwing another knock back from H I assume, that's the only time she gets in touch with me) and sent a barrage (sp?) of texts. Ranging from how I'm pathetic trying to save a marriage when my H prefers a 19 year old to the mother of his child who he's been with for 14 years, how she made him leave me just before christmas, how they've been an item for 18 months, how she always knew everything about me and I never knew a thing about her (all true!) how everyone around H knew about them except me (again all true) and then a horrendously nasty message about my dad's affair when I was young and other stuff I won't go into. Plus a threat to me to stay away from them both!

Then a message saying 'enjoy your weekend away'. Basically not only trying to ruin my weekend, but letting me know that her and H are still in full contact and he's still telling her everything.

I have to say I did crack in the end. One message said that the pressure from not accepting her into H's life is what split them up in the end, and she put on that one 'hope you sleep better at night knowing that you caused the end to our relationship'... WTF?! She wanted sympathy!!

So when I cracked and replied I said I actually sleep better at night knowing I caused them to split up (with a smiley face), that I think she not only mentally ill to text the someone boasting about how she split up their marriage and broke up a family, but she is sick. And finally that if she contacts me again I will not hesitate to get an injunction to keep her away from me and the baby.

But this is what she wants. She's using her mental instability to make me isolate H from me and the baby. Then because he's alone and lonely, will turn to her, and she'll get him back.

So now what...

GW is most definitely still trying to appease her. Why the hell is he still telling her our/my every move if he's broken up with her?! Why the hell does she know all about my family? And most of all she is so right, everyone knew but me. At least she always knew when I was with H, and still does, I never know anything close to the truth

I don't trust my own judgement when it comes to H anymore. Which scares me. After her threats, and given her history, and H still lying, I am 100% convinced that I should not let ds out of my/my mum's sight for the time being. Just in case she kicks off in front of him.

But where do I go from here? H, for the first time, is begging me to trust him that it's over and he will keep ds safe. But going on past experience how do I accept that. I can't possibly believe him can I! Especially not when he's still telling her his every move.

I don't want to go down the solicitor/court route. I don't want some stranger deciding when I can see my baby and when H can see him. I don't want to use my tiny amount of savings to pay for a solicitor. But how do I reach some sort of amicable compromise with H when I can no longer believe a word he says...
Where can this possibly go from here?!

Answers on a postcard please....

PC how are you doing? H keeping in touch?

hi tanee - glad you had a nice valentines day

sorry, x-posted there, too busy ranting updating you all

oh baffy, what a complete nightmare for you.

I know you don't want this to get nasty etc but honestly GW is still not being honest with you. Clearly OW has some method of getting information either from him or from others.

If GW has ended things with OW there still hasn't been sufficient time for him to prove himself and regain your trust.

At this point in time there is no need for you to do anything other than you currently are.

Supervised contact only. No arguments. GW deserves nothing less and he's has a shed load more than he's deserved for quite some time.

If ds is that important to him then he will do what he needs to do in order to regain your trust wrt the care of ds etc.

In "divorce mode" thinking, you don't have the right to comment on what GW does with his life as long as your are sure that ds is not at risk. That is your priority.

Finally, change your number. Don't allow this utter nutter to keep harrassing you in this way.

H has been in touch a few times over the weekend. There is a tentative arrangement for a drink later this week.

We'll see..........

Thanks pc

I needed that. Yet again I'm running away with myself thinking I need to sort things out asap. But you're right, all I can do for now is ensure ds keeps seeing his dad, protect their relationship, but make sure that ds is safe and supervised until I can decide where to go from here.

Thank you!

Glad H has been in touch. Sounds like he's actually trying. Hope you manage to go for that drink...

don't shoot me for saying this but, you know it's not your responsibility to protect ds's relationship with his dad.

it's GW's responsibility to do that.

being utterly brutally honest, and I know you are doing this for ds not GW but my advice would be step back from anything to do with GW at the moment.

his relationship with his family, with OW, with DS. none of these are actually your concern.

withdrawing from GW at this point will give him a very clear message. whatever the future holds for you he needs to respect you as resident parent and primary carer for your ds. and it is he that has put ds at risk by allowing the psycho to be around him.

make ds available, don't be un-necessarily obstructive but please please please make him work for it and re-learn the value of access to his child.

and in doing this, you will protect yourself too.

Thanks

I will do. Thing is, with me working full time, I really do have limited time anyway to take ds round to him (he can't come to me or my mum would probably chop his bits off!). I'm trying hard to help him see ds, but you're right, I need to see the effort and committment back from him. Yet again, all I get is, 'I'm not surprised you hate me, I don't deserve your understanding, I miss my son '... etc!

In the past my response was always, don't be silly, of course I'll support you in whatever you want, you do deserve to see your son etc etc.

My response now will have to be, yes, you're spot on, you don't deserve anything from me. So what exactly do you plan to do now to maintain a relationship with your child...

I know what the answer will be. Silence and self pity.

Hi Baffy, just sneaking a look when I SHOULD be working and - she really is completely and frighteningly NUTS!!

1. change your number

1. If she carries on, send a solicitor's letter - you don't have to go to the lengths of an injunction, just threatening that you will may frighten her - it worked for me with a mad exbf who stalked me and honestly the threat was the only thing that stopped him

1. tell h in no uncertain terms that until he sorts himself out with regard to OW and himself, he will NOT be left alone with DS and that he can feel as sorry for himself as he wants, boo hoo, but it's DS's safety and well-being that concern you, not his self-pity.

Hi Baffy

You know how my twisted mind works and i would send her a text thanking her for her honest messages and would she be willing to testify in court as you fear things could get nasty with you and h and would she mind being cited in the divorce!!

Also as she has not put any copyrights on her texts is it ok to publish them in one of those trashy magazines as you have been offered a sum of money for 'telling your story'

But as i said no-one would dare cross me anymore.

Go on baffy give us her number and let us send her some texts or even phone her up - we could call it our therapy .

Keep the texts and threaten to use them if h wants to see ds with her in tow. Tell him you are seeking legal advice as to how you are going to proceed now - these texts clearly show a woman who is not to be trusted with your ds.

It makes me so mad as parents we are made to feel guilty about everything we do wiht our children - what school we send them to, what we feed them, whether we give them enough freedom .... and so on but when it comes to trying to bring them up with morals we are not allowed to prevent the obvious sluts with no morals or respect for anyone except themselves from having contact with our children. And then people wonder what is wrong with the world.

What person with an ounce of common sense would willingly let a woman like that have anything to do with our children - i worry about every babysitter we have ever had and can even insist on police checks ....

Sorry baffy catching up with you on the rant scale there.

thanks tanee

lol HW - don't tempt me! If I didn't think she'd get some sort of sick satisfaction out of the attention I'd publish her number right now!!

lol @ HW! Some excellent advice there.

baffy, can only really really empathise with you on the self-pity crap you're getting from him.

i had for months from H too.

it's taken several episodes of me not responding to him over several weeks. last one being 6 weeks sept/oct last year.

it's taken nearly a year to get anything like any sort of consistent contact from him too.

what i've learned thru this (altho not necessarily accepted yet but moving on anyway) is that I cannot affect H's mood into something more positive.

it's entirely up to him (and GW) to drag himself out of his own pit of self pity and begin to face his responsibility.

what I have been able to do is let H know that I won't stand for or accept his crappy self pity any longer. withdrawing and moving on (with or without paperwork/legal stuff) does seem to have had some effect on h altho i'm not sure he hasn't just come thru it on his own in his own sweet time.

your working full time isn't your problem, it's GW's. you must put all the onus upon him to make himself available when you are able to offer the opportunity.

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Hello everyone.

Pc things sound
like they have changed around for you. I am so pleased h seems to be finally taking notice. So far so good. Dont want o go on incase its a jinx!

Baffy she really is a bloody raving lunatic!

Pc is right now there has been no time at all for him to prove he deserves your trust again. Is she getting the information straight from gw ( ) or could she be getting info on you and your diary events from say a friend of his?

If i was you i would only let gw see ds in my company then id know for sure the guttertramp wasnt around. Try and hold back from showing him your feelings towards him whilst showing him exactly what his missing in you.

In the meantime photocopy all her texts to you plus keep a diary of when she does contact you and document it all. As from the sounds of her she may actually esculate her violent nature.

The gt dh made friends with in oxford still phones me on/off in all hours of the night. I see the missed calls when i get up in the morning. Very strange creature. and by her own admissions they were only friends.

I honestly dont see what they get out of it all

Baffy my take her the gt is that she is so friggin paranoid about you. she knows you and gw have a bond that wont be broken because you share a child together and there is nothing she can do about that its totally out of her control and she sounds like she needs to be in control.

Ok back to washing now. 3 days and 2 dc's with chuck up bug