New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

[Paddlechick666]

Here we go ladies!

Good luck PC - will be thinking of you this evening.
Tannee - I would agree with the others and say stuff 'H'. You don't need people in your life like that and why should you have a joint birthday party with someone who has blanked you for years.
I have a friend problem of my own which is bugging me. I have a really good friend who has been through a messy divorce and has now met 'Mr Right' and is getting married again next year. I've only ever met the Mr Right once at a party last year, but I'm convinced I keep seeing him around the town with a girl and 2 small kids. I know the girl vaguely and lets just say she's a bit of a slapper with a reputation for breaking up relationships. So do I tell my friend what I have seen (I may be mistaken, it might not be him but I'm 99% sure it is), bury my head in the sand and wait for her to find out herself. I know if it was me I'd want to know but I can't bring myself to burst her bubble, she's happier than she's been in years.
There you go - something to chew over this evening!

I feel bad just rolling up for a moan, but I guess you are the only people who might understand. it's my 10th wedding anniversary today and I can't tell you how miserable I feel. It has been such a crappy shitty shit day in every way, and I've been dreading it for a couple of weeks now anyway. In just under a month (10th March) is the anniversary of finding out and it all just feels so raw. I got 3 measly cards (none of them from dh) and I've just thrown them all in the bin. I should feel happy but it just feels so crap. It's all spoilt and I'm sat here all on my own, as usual and well, what can Isay. nothing really. just astonished how bad it feels.

sorry. I know loads of you are in such crappy times, worse than me, and it feels so cheeky turnig up 1 in a blue oon just to offload.

It's ard for me to do these relationship threads, Baffy and HW among others, I salute you I really do, cos time and time again I click on a thread, you give such great advice and are so caring, but I rarely get past reading before the whole thing just depresses me too much.

When I celebrated my anniversary last year, little did I know that a month laetr my life would be turned upside down. I wonder when or if it'll ever be put right again.

Ginnedup - if I were your friend then, I would want to know. I would be devastated if I discovered my DP had been messing about and my friend hadn't told me. From your perspective, if it were me I'm afraid I would have to tell her, there is no way I could stand by and watch while she married a man I suspected was cheating on her. I would rather risk our friendship than risk her getting her heart broken. As a good friend she would probably turn to you when the truth eventually came out. How would you feel giving her advice and being a shoulder to cry on when all the time you could have done something to prevent it in the first place?
So, my advice would be to tell her. HTH

Ernest, it's lovely to 'hear' from you, I just wish it was under happier circumstances. I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. I thought things were going really well for you now. Is it your anniversary that has brought all this on, is everything else generally ok?
FWIW I think you have done amazingly well to pull things together and move forward. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, you are allowed to still feel the hurt and pain, it is still relatively early days.
Were you disappointed not to get a card from DH? Did you send him one? What were you hoping to happen today? Sorry for all the questions, feel free to ignore if you aren't in the mood to be analysed xx

yes, I suppose pissed off not to get a card. he did send flowers and tbh that really pissed me off cos I've made it clear loads of times I think they're trite and a waste of money, especially this time, cos I'm going to Munich on Friday morning and they'll be dead when I get back, so he's spent what about £40/£50 quid on bloody flowers that I don't even like that'll go in the f**ing bin tomorrow night.. What's the point of that. And where's the thought in that.

I told him last week I was dreading the anniversary and that I felt upset not happy about it. He said we'd speak later. It was never mentioned again. So can't decide if he couldn't be arsed to talk about it or just forgot. Yes, I did send him a card. was v. difficult to write. didn't really know what to say - phew, can't believe we survived the year. wonder if we'll have another next year or what .

He's out tonight with his mates from work.

I feel really angry tonight and there's no distraction or way out of feeling like I want to scream cry and just explode.

I hope you don't mind me saying this Ernest but, I think your DH is in a bit of a 'no win' situation at the moment. I think it's more the fact of the upcoming 'other' anniversary that has put the blonkers on your wedding anniversary (but I could be wrong, apologies if I am)

He bought you flowers, if he is anything like my DP he wouldn't have had a clue as to what else to buy you He won't have given any thought to the fact that you won't be around to enjoy them, he will just have felt pleased with himself for sending them. Did he not offer to take you out tonight?

I can understand why you are feeling low, I really can. The trouble is with feeling this low though is that you can have a tendency to see the dark and negative side of everything. Which, only serves to make you feel worse.

I think you should allow yourself some time to be upset, grieve, wallow, be angry. You pulled everything together everso quickly and everso well, you have right to be upset. But if I were you, I would try very hard not to put all the blame for how you are feeling onto DH. For damage limitation purposes. You will get through this. You will come out the other side and, you will soon start to feel positive again. I would hate for you to do or say anything you might regret after coming this far xx

that's good dvice and true. he tried to phone but I ignored the call as I knew it couldn't ever be a constructive conversation.

He's in Milan and I'm in Zurich, so I won't hold it against him not taking me out tonight. Even I'm not that irrational/unreasonable (wry, bitter smile)

As for not speaking about the anniversary, maybe he avoided talking about it because he didn't want to end up talking about the affair.

As far as he see's things have moved along nicely. You are back together, moving forward and getting on with your lives as a couple. He won't want reminding of what he did, of all the pain he caused, not if he can avoid it. Maybe this is a painful time for him too, just painful in a different way for him than it is for you. Maybe he is avoiding it because he still feels guilty and ashamed over the pain he caused you and the pain he knows you are feeling now. Typical man I'm afraid. xx

Bless you. It can't be easy for you being so far away from him at such an emotional time.

I don't know about time differences and all that, geography was never my strong point but, my advice is to ring him. One phonecall, a few nice words, that will make this all seem a bit better for you Go on, pick up the phone!

that could be nice, but can't speak, anyway, he's in a pub, and I just sent him a rather terse sms telling him not to ring me in the morning . to be fair, he did ring this this am and it was all going tits up getting the kids out to school.

I'm going to bed. hope I can sleep. Thank you so much, tfm, you're a saint. I'll prob 'see' you around 10th March but will try not to beso self-centred. the house move, and all the house work related to 'house doctoring' (ie tidying the pig sty up and endless cleaning), not to mention 3 kids is just a bit much sometimes..... (more slef pity )

Thanks again. I really needed and appreciate that. xx

Just send him another sms "I'm sorry. I love you" easy peasy!

You are very welcome! I'm glad to have been of help. You don't be so hard on yourself either, you are amazing!!

Have a lovely sleep xx

No word from PC yet. I hope no news is good news!

Hi ladies, wow can hardly keep up with this thread! Sorry to hear so many of us feeling low and fed up

Baffy, I'm so shocked at your h, didn't see that one coming at all. She sounds like a right little madam, he must be nuts, seriously.

PC hope tonight has gone well, looking forward to hearing.

Tanee, 'H' sounds like a nightmare, and very selfish! Did you like that Pinter play? I work in theatre, but that's not one of mine. If you like West End shows I can get lots of freebies if you're interested.

Ernest, sorry you're having a miserable day. Hope you're feeling a bit better now. well, probably asleep now, but you know what I mean. Is dh back at the weekend?

As for me, plodding along. Think I might be starting to get sick, for the first time this winter, so not bad going. H veers from being reasonable and quite nice, to a complete twat. He agreed to see dd on Thursday night as usual, and then we arranged he'd stay over, as he occasionally does. Next day he emails to say he can't, and when I phone him, he says that he hadn't realised it was Valentine's Day, and he wants to spend it with slutguts, and why didn't I tell him what day it was. Well, add to this that tomorrow happens to be our wedding anniversary, I did think he might have realised himself.

Relayed this and a couple of other stories to my parents last night, and was quite shocked when they got really angry. My dad went mad, and said he doesn't want me to phone up and tell them anything about what he's done again, and doesn't want his name mentioned. Said I am too nice to him, and this is wrong, I should look after myself more. This is so unlike my dad, it was shocking, and left me sobbing for ages. My eyes looked just great this morning! Maybe it's a kick in the backside that I need though as I do feel a bit more together about it today. Probably in bits again tomorrow though, given it's anniversary.

Better news is that Mr NY is back in town next week, which is quite exciting. My mum has offered to take dd for the week, bless her, so it should be a good week, which is bloody exactly what I need!!!

Will catch up again soon. So wish I could get on here at work!!

Morning all
Sorry I didn't update last night.
I will put more details on fb later but essentially it went well. He took the divorce news quite calmly, we even joked about it a bit.
We talked about a lot of painful stuff without either of us getting too emotional. For the first time he truly apologised for how much he hurt me and admitted how much he has lost. We've agreed to starting out as friends and seeing how that goes. More detail on fb later.
It was a good evening and I just hope we can pull it off.
Lily, so sorry to hear how insensitive h has been. Your dad must really be hurting for you to have said what he did.
Hopefully you can chat to him today and clear the air. You're always going to be his little girl and he probably feels bad that he can't protect you.
Try hard to put h from your mind and focus on nm and having a wonderful week together. Excellent timing over half term!
Ernest, really sorry you're feeling down too. It must be so hard to be apart as these awful anniversaries role around. I hope you do get speak to h today. Even tho you didn't want them at least he made the effort with the flowers.
Funnily enough I have never hung on to the dates that have been critical. Maybe because there have been so many with all the awol episode's!
Happy valentine's day TeaBags, I hope we all get our heart's desire.
Which for me will be a cruisy day at work, an hour or so with my gorgeous dd this evening and an early night!

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Don't know where to start...

ginnedup if I were you I really would have to tell my friend. It's awful news and not a position any of us would ever wish to be in, but even knowing how much the truth hurts, I'd say it's much better to know. At least your friend then has the chance to make a decision based on the real facts.

ernest I hope you come back on today. Sorry I missed you last night. FWIW I think you're doing amazingly well, still, and believe me I know just how much these anniversaries hurt. This time last year H got me the most gorgeous flowers and home made card. Then cooked my favourite tea. I had no idea about OW at this stage. And was seeing a glimpse of us sorting things out. I later found out that she got the exact same home made card and flowers!!!

You have the added pressure of the move to another country, the 3 children, and being pregnant. Your hormones must be going mad! Please don't be so hard on yourself. He didn't mention the anniversary again because he didn't want to face the pain that you are still going through because of his actions.
If he buries his head then it'll all go away...

You must feel free to rant and rave and get it all out. And he must learn to take that on the chin and then support you in whatever way you need. Lets not forget, he's one very lucky man that you not only took him back, but are uprooting your family to support him in his job.

These feelings will fade over time. But don't bottle them up. I did that when H and I got back together and it ended up in 1 almighty explosive evening where it all came pouring out! You don't need that stress. So pass some of it onto him, explain how youu're feeling and what you need from him, and then hopefully, he will give you all the love and reassurance you need in return.

pc thanks for your text
glad that it seemed to go well and you sound fairly positive. sounds like it was a long overdue discussion! I hope this is the start of a positive future. together or not. but now the lines of communication are open I hope and pray for you that it stays that way.

lilybubble great to hear from you too.
valentines day and your wedding anniversary and he didn't realise! not surprised your dad reacted as he did. fwiw my parents react that way every time H acts like an arse again or there is a new revalation. partly, it's their own pain coming out. and sadly, you bear the brunt of it. it's not because they're mad at you in any way, they're just trying to cope with a situation that is totally out of their control and as any parent would be, it's totally devastating watching your children in pain

good that mr NY is back soon though and what happened over that other guy???

And happy valentines day everyone!

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Good Morning Teabags!

Happy Valetine's Day!!

PC Thank you for the texts, I slept a lot better knowing all was well
Can't wait for the full update though!!

Ernest, I hope you are feeling brighter today. You know where we are when you need us anytime!! xx

Lilybubble, try not to be too hard on your dad. When someone loves us, they feel our pain along with us, they want so much for us to not be hurting. I think your dad has reacted this way because every time he see's you upset, it destroys him. He feels powerless, there is absolutley nothing he feels he can do to make things better for you. Hence his reaction. Just give him time, he will soon be asking you for details again

Here's to a lovely day for us all

Dior - how brilliant of your H to go to so much effort. That's lovely to hear

Yes, Dior, it is lovely of him you seem to have really turned a corner. I am sure he got a lot of pleasure from giving you your gift and so, won't be too upset that his hasn't arrived yet.

My DP doesn't believe in Valentine's Day, he never has. Last year was the first year I ever got anything, a HUGE bouquet and a lovely, slushy card. Don't know if you remember ladies but, that was also in the midst of all our troubles so, I was completely taken aback! Now this year I got, (spoken in his bestest broad yorkshire accent) "Now, you know I don't believe in Valentine's Day so here's the money for your new dress (£50) you will get more use out of that than you will some over priced flowers!" I got a kiss too. Who said romance is dead!
I bought him a bottle of wine by the way.

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I must admit, I didn't falter when he flashed the cash! And yes, it is a huge improvement. He gets 9/10 for effort these days, well, you have to leave room for even more improvement don't you

That's lovely TFM. Maybe not traditional romance, but romantic all the same, because at least he thought it through and decided on something he knew you'd appreciate

That's why, I have to say, I disagree a little about ernest's dh and the flowers
Just because she'd specifially said she didn't want them and they're a waste of money. Anyone can order flowers online. It's cliched and unless you know your OH loves flowers (like me!) I think a more simple, thoughtful gesture, would be better. Even if it's a special card with a few well thought out words. That would mean more to me (if I hated flowers).

I also used to do things for h like home-made 'vouchers' which took little time and meant a lot more. e.g. 'this entitles you to your favourite meal/wine/bubble bath/evening in bed on xxx date when ds is staying with grandma' etc... just something with a bit more thought.

It's lovely to hear Dior and TFM that your men are making the effort though. I love to see faces on here.