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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Fab & Glam (Part 3 - The Quest Continues!)

1001 replies

Paddlechick666 · 05/02/2008 10:18

Here we go ladies!

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 14:12

hmmm, starting to feel anxious that he will cancel now........

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 14:29

Hi PC, GOOD LUCK for tonight. Nothing to add to what the others have said, they say it so well (TFM, have you thought of writing a relationship counselling book ?) It's a shame it has to be on the anniversary of your first date - but I hope the dreadful irony of it strikes him - keep strong, keep control - and BIG hug!

Baffy, just catching up on all your postings and aghast that he even DARES to text that you should think of ds - as if you do anything else !! I can understand how hard it is to contemplate being reasonable about inlaws etc at the moment - you need to feel the anger and betrayal first before you can do this, so just let rip!

DPs being sweet at the moment, and I hope his new job tomorrow will help. We had a lovely day off yesterday, in town, popped into the National Gallery and saw a friend of his in an understudy rehearsal of a Harold Pinter play. DD was very envious to learn that one of the stars, Richard Coyle, was sitting just behind us. I should have asked for his autograph for her, but couldn't find the courage. She's been a big fan since he played Scary Jeff in 'Coupling' - which she used to watch with me when she was really far too young for the naughty humour!

I'm feeling a bit miffed about one of my friends at the moment (yes, there's always something). Hope you don't mind a quick rant from me.

There is a group of about 6 of us who all did our post-grad secretarial course together years ago, and were very close for awhile. Some of us are still in touch with varying degrees of regularity, but one in particular, call her H, who used to consider herself the lynchpin, has dropped two of us (me and A) for no known reason for the last few years. She still keeps in regular touch with two of the others (it was particularly galling as she was renting a flat from my parents, so THEY knew more about her than I did!) She hasn't even sent me a Christmas or birthday card for about 8 or 9 years.

Anyway, I invited (J) who's moved out of London, to come stay with me for a girls weekened near my birthday, as A is coming down to London and it would be nice to see each other after nearly 5 years. But J has emailed to say she'd love to, but she's broke and between jobs (which I understand), and THEN that she'll come to London in a couple of months as H had reminded her that it's MY 50th, and it's also H's 50th in July. It makes me feel like H has hijacked my birthday. I really don't feel much like having a shared celebration when H's made NO contact for years and I know A feels the same. So what do I do - go along with their plans or tell J that I'd love to see her in a couple of months when she's in funds, but that I don't really want to do a joint celebration with H? Should I stop being so petty and rise above this?

My exh used to say that he thought she wasn't worth worrying about when this all started (there was a problem once before about my birthday, when I invited them to come to our local cinema and H said it wasn't fair to ask J to come so far out of her way, because she had small children yada yada yada - exh had to physically stop me emailing her a real shouter!), but it still hurts...

Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 14:30

Sorry - I've really gone off on one here - and it's really not that important!

PC, hang in there - don't let him cancel!

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 14:48

thanks Tanee! still no confirmation of venue...........

anyways, wrt to your friend issue, i'd drop H like a sack o'spuds! Shame J can't come when you'd like her too and around your birthday but as you've said you can catch up with her when she is up later in the year.

definately woulnd't bother attending H's 50th. Wait until you have the details then say "oh dear, i have something planned. can see you day before/after tho J"

H sounds thoroughly self absorbed and high maintenance to me!

glad to hear you had a nice day out yesterday and good luck to dp for hte job. hope things keep getting better for you.

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:07

Tanee! Thats what the lady in the corner shop says. When I call in for me Takeabreak she always has a relationship problem waiting for me. She says she is waiting for my book to come out

As for your problem. I second everything PC says. Gosh, I thought life was supposed to get easier as you got older.

Thinking of you PC xxx

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 15:09

well, i texted him 20mins ago to ask where to meet and no response.

guess it's not looking too good right now.

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Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 15:12

Thanks PC (try texting him to say 'where are we meeting on this most auspicious date?') -

Yes, I do feel I don't want to see H ever again - she wasn't around much when I had cancer, either. I know A and her husband were very put out as they invited her for a weekend of cricket a few years ago, and she LOVES cricket - she never contacted them again, never even sent a thankyou.

I do think she has 'issues' and part of me feels quite sorry for her. Her family background is quite difficult, and she lives alone. My mum said the flat looked like Miss Haversham had lived there - they almost had to fumigate it!

Baffy · 13/02/2008 15:12

oh no PC!
I have everything crossed for you

Tanee I agree with PC. Go out of your way for friends that really matter, but H sounds like hard work (to say the least!). See her if you want to, and if it suits you, but other than that I wouldn't go to any special effort.
Who needs friends that cause more trauma and upset than happiness.

TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:13

PC, ring him!!! We got cross with him for relying on text as communication. You have an arrangement and you need to know details so, thats a valid reason to RING HIM! Stop letting those nerves get in the way

Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 15:14

PC . Could you get the papers off in the post to him for tomorrow? Enclosed within a Valentine?

TFM - - I'd buy your book!

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 15:14

being charitable he could be in a meeting....

i'm all dressed and ready to rock so i am going out anyway. at worst i can window shop for a while.

if he pikes then at least i won't have any guilt in allowing the sol to land the papers on him instead of breaking it to him face to face!

OP posts:
Baffy · 13/02/2008 15:16

Give him until 4 to respond, then ring him.

Just in case he's in a meeting.

Don't want it to seem like you want to see him do we

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 15:18

Jeez TFM, how did I get this old without you holding my hand thru life?!

Okay, I rang him. He's a bit hectic and stressed but sounded very calm actually.

We're on, probably for 6ish as things aren't going to plan but they have to vacate the studio by 5:30pm.

So off I go for an hour or so window shopping and general cruising around my local riverside town.

Ta ladies!

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TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:19

PC if he 'pikes' then I am going to hunt him down myself and do very nasty things to him!!!

Tanee, I would give you a signed copy

TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:20

Oooh I am soooo excited I hope it goes well for you PC, I really, really do. I am going to stay up late and take laptop to bed just in case you need to get things off your chest before bed

Lots of love xx

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 15:24

LOL, TFM don't want you waiting up for me! I will try to update FB or here later but I'll text you on my way home and give you a synopsis.

I'll text you too Baffy!

Now, let's remember that there is serious business afoot here. I actually feel a teeny bit sorry for H that he is expecting a nice anniversary evening and I am going to land a shock on him.

Am definately going to present as "good for him, setting him free, remain friends without complication" etc

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:26

No, we don't feel sorry for him! We are doing it for him, remember? It's his valentine present xx

Paddlechick666 · 13/02/2008 15:28

i'll take my blackberry so i can update MN on way home!

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TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 15:30

We should have got you a headset and little camera so we could have listened and watched your every move. It would have saved you updating us Wecould have got you one of those fancy handbags with the camera in it

Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 15:31

Looking forward to the catchup, PC!

Baffy · 13/02/2008 15:55

No! Don't feel sorry! This is for his own good remember. Keep repeating that.

Yes please definitely text me. Or ring if you need to talk.

Don't have too much fun on here while I'm at home as my computer is still broken!

TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 17:06

55 minutes to go......

sugarpear · 13/02/2008 17:10

quick jump on kids tea cooking.

Pc good luck sweetie. will be thinking of you xx

Everyone big hi will catch up soon. xx

Tanee58 · 13/02/2008 18:00

Hi Sugar.

Wonder how PC's doing....

I'm just off home to see if DP's ensconced with a large Australian squaddie. His namesake & nephew is visiting us tonight en route from a stint in Iraq. Neither of us have met him since his family emigrated in 1989 - when he was only 2 - so it will be an interesting evening. His main ambition seems to have been to try some British beer as the Aussie army is teetotal so they may be in the pub most of the evening...

HappyWoman · 13/02/2008 18:39

Sorry havent been on all day but want to wish you luck pc.

Remember as has been said this is not about you being horrid to him - you need to do this for him and for yourself.

I like TFM do not think this has to be the end but you know it cannot go on like this - and if it is meant to be then it will find a way.

I think you will feel so much better when you have done this and i bet you will be walking home with your head high - you go girl.

H is not home tonight so i will be waiting to catch up too - if that does not make me too much of a sado.

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