Was I in the wrong? Husband in a huff obviously feels wronged

[BiscottiBiscotti]

for context we’ve both been I’ll since Christmas and are feeling a bit cooped up. Feeling a bit better and we’re taking dog for a walk with her in back of car.

I asked him how he was and semi joking said how’s the sex drive and he sai’oh that’s gone for ever’. I said that sounded a bit harsh to say it’s gone for ever., he said that’s not what he’d said, I said ‘it was exactly what you said’. So he slammed the brakes on, and thrust his head at me saying ‘just hit me then, why don’t you just beat me up?’

I just got out the car and went for a walk on my own. I was back about an hour later and he’s said 2 words and now gone out to see his family.

he’s got form for slamming the brakes on in The car when he’s stressed or frustrated or angry. Sometimes on quite busy roads.

I thought I was doing the right thing by just leaving him to it as he obviously wasn’t best chuffed with me,

There must have been something brewing before this ? He had no need for the tantrum though

The whole exchange sounds thoroughly bizarre
his behaviour tho is very dangerous - slamming on brakes?! aggression as well plus the silent treatment
I don’t think any of it sounds healthy

Either he had a mini stroke or he is a dickhead, you decide.

You both sound ridiculous.

'just hit me then, why don’t you just beat me up?’

That's a very random and very bizarre accusation to make.

I think there's a lot of relevant context you are leaving out. But the relationship sounds like a proper mess.

That's quite the episode.

I absolutely agree it sounds ridiculous. We are 15 years married and apparently respectable grown ups. have the odd row but not regularly.

He tends to overdramatise and consider himself a victim. Not just with me but with other stuff. I’m more practical and tend not to rise to it. I was shocked by the ‘beat me up’ comment.

the sex thing is because I knew he was pissed off we haven’t shagged since before we got this cold/virus. So I was trying to be a bit light about it but it is a trigger for us rowing and i shouldn’t have said anything.

Hope the dog wasn't injured. What a dickhead.

What did you want him to answer your initial question with?

Perhaps he thought you were being less than complimentary about his virility. Men can be extremely touchy about that, especially if they have ever had an occasional 'issue'.

Do you particularly like him, OP?

Sorry I was facetious before. He actually sounds really difficult.

So he slammed the brakes on, and thrust his head at me saying ‘just hit me then, why don’t you just beat me up?’

What happened just before this as it sounds very odd the way you have posted it. Thats just curiouosity from me though. It sounds as though you are both still not recovered properly and feel a bit sensitive. You were both wrong in the beginning by bickering but he took it to another level. How's the dog after being thrown around in the car?

A habit of slamming the brakes on because of a sudden tantrum is not OK. He’s a dangerous driver. I hope he doesn’t cause an accident doing this stupid shit.

I will never marry a British man. The immaturity is just staggering.

Your idiot husband should not be driving and should probably not have ownership of that poor dog either.

His reaction was extreme, but your ‘how’s the sex drive’ question seems a bit odd considering you know he’s feeling sensitive about the lack of sex in your relationship atm.

It’s impossible to tell the tone with which you said it, but it reads as if you could have come across a little smug, almost as if you find it amusing that he’s struggling with something that you don’t find a problem. Then when he came back with a lighthearted response that reflects how he feels, you’ve told him he’s wrong to feel that way.

It’s not surprising that it turned into a row, but what he did was dangerous.

The simple solution to the car situation may be to not speak to him when he is driving.

If he tends to over react , you might choose not to use sensitive topics as the subject of your jokes.

He sounds as though he may be difficult to live with, but your are choosing to stay with him. Under those circumstances, you might better choose the subjects that you address in a jocular manner.

If he perceives himself as a victim, you are playing into his hands when you make this type of joke.

Why not seek a partner with whom you are more compatible?

No animals were harmed. He loves the dog and she loves him.

i don’t know really, I was picking at him, and at fault for that. I was shocked by his reaction, and don’t really know what to make of it. He has done similar before when he was going through a really stressful time. He can behave like a dick at times, but can’t we all.

I do feel sometimes like the cat that is being kicked when he’s moody. And just try not to get dragged into his moods.

He’s not abusive but I do have problems with boundaries sometimes and wonder if I’m puttin* up with stuff I shouldn’t. I’m disinclined to apologise which I think he wants. But equally don’t want a spat when we were both tired and not quite well to spiral into something else.

What a strange man. That would be a no from me.

So you were picking at him, brought up a subject you know will start a row and then are surprised when he reacts. Why did you want to start a row? Poor man sounds like you have actually driven him demented. Get counselling

Does he sulk and get generally hair triggery when he hasn't had sex for a while?

Do you ever have sex because you've weighed the pros and cons when it comes to his mood?

Slamming on the brakes on a busy road is abusive as well as dangerous. He has complete control over the car and uses it to exercise power over you, to intimidate you, shut you up, show you your place.

Do not pander to any of his abusive tactics. Approaches like not talking to him in tbe car are born of fear.

You wonder whether you are putting up with stuff you shouldn't.

I'd hazard a guess at a huge YES.

Huffing, silent treatment, slamming brakes on in the car, suggesting you hit him (wtf!?!).

Do you tiptoe around him and his moodiness?

He sounds like an immature prick.

Yes is the answer to this.

@Eyerollcentral thats what I’m worried about that I’ve been picking away and he’s just reached the end of his tether. But I don’t think I have been, but I’m not always brilliant at telling that. But his reaction seemed over the top.

Will you be able to talk sensibly with him when he returns?

You were a bit passive aggressive with the "is your sex drive ever coming back". Either joke about it or have a serious chat - something in between would piss anyone off.

However, his response was hugely over the top.

I would guess the two of you have lots of tension in your relationship which needs talking through in an adult manner.