Going to start off by saying in dyslexic. So I can't spell.
Dh has two months left on a five year dmp for £48,000 of debt he kept secret from mand I had to dig and dig to find out about.
He earns 29k a year.
I was noticing that he he smoking cigarettes again not roll ups and occasionally had money to buy things when earlier in the month saying he was skint. I asked him just before Christmas to show me his finances but he kept putting me off and swearing he had no new debt. I have asked and asked so today he told me he had spent 6k on new tools. Didn't tell as he knew I'd go mental. He is a tradesman but employee so no need to buy tools.i was shouting at him so my 15 year old heard, I have been hiding his dad debt from all the kids, but in a moment of red fog I told ds what dh has done.
I made dh show me in front of ds and he has in fact been spending on adverage £40-£50 per day (50% of his net income ) on the lottery and iTunes and fans.
He never told me what the previous 48k went on. He was lying right up to each statement was pulled up on the PC. He has got a new phone and not once mentioned any spending with me.
He has been extremely angry with our eldest recently and totally disengaged with me and increasingly family life.
For the first time ever he didn't get us cards, didn't get involved with food or present buying. If I need his help he will also increasingly get defensive so I try to avoid doing so. I do all the life and kids admin. He says he didn't help at Christmas as overwhelmed in his job.
Now I know partly why he is so angry and distant but not sure if there's more to come out. He seems to be a pathological lier.
He has offered up no solution. He said he will sort it. I said I need to be involved in how he sorts it out. He said he will seek help but never has before. He is very selfish. Very arrogant. Thinks he is a victim and I know he wants to shift the blame to me.
Another dmp won't work. Personally I'd like a divorce and to split 100% from him financially for a start. The only other option I would consider is him giving me 100% control of all his money and close all of his accounts. My ds is begging me not to leave him.
There's been no apology of course. There wasn't with the dmp. I had to drag one out of him which took a month. He said eventually he felt sick at his actions but that all clearly bullshit. So remorseful he has got a new card and maxed it out as soon as he could get the credit.
He seems so angry with me. We have had the house as cold as 6 degrees to save on heating costs.
My gut says wait for his "solution' to see how pathetic it is. Will probably suggest he keeps all his accounts invisible to me. I can't do that. At which point ì start divorce.