Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner and his family have forgotten about our daughters birthday and booked a retirement party instead

78 replies

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:14

I’m feeling really hurt that my partner and his family haven’t remembered our daughters 2nd birthday in March and they’ve gone and booked/arranged a retirement party instead on the day of her birthday. I feel really hurt, however we don’t see much of his family either (but they don’t live far away, only 30 mins away).

I don’t know to react…!! I’ve had to be ok with it for now but the more I think about it the more I don’t want to take our daughter to the party. I know my partner will be upset and angry as he’s in a band with his brothers that are performing for his mum’s retirement. Yes I can arrange a party for my daughter the following day, but his family won’t come as they all either still be drunk or very hungover. His family really frustrates me, they never make the effort to come over to see us, we always have to go there.

any advice I’d appreciate x

OP posts:
Zampa · 07/01/2023 08:19

I appreciate that this may be a part of wider issues with your partner but it's a second birthday. Your daughter won't know anything about it.

Hold her celebrations the weekend before or after, or even the morning of the retirement party.

It would have been considerate for your partner to discuss plans with you but ultimately the date chosen may be for reasons specific to your MIL's plans.

FawnFrenchieMum · 07/01/2023 08:23

I very much doubt that a 2 year olds party and a retirement party would be held at the same time? Would really have the whole family at a 2 year olds party or just grandparents.
Just do the party at lunch time if you need to do it the same day.
I doubt your partner forgot his child’s birthday, just didn’t think that having the two things at the same time was a huge problem.

Namechangeforthis88 · 07/01/2023 08:23

Weekend before or after. Child's second birthday is not a big deal, they're too young to know what's going on or what day it is. Your partner needs to switch on a bit though.

Abraxan · 07/01/2023 08:24

Is your partner the father of said child?
If so,then yes - it's pretty off that he has arranged to do something else in his child's birthday, even if you're also invited.

MaireadMcSweeney · 07/01/2023 08:24

If your partner is her dad and genuinely forgot her birthday that's shit. However do her party another day and take her to the family party. Don't be petty.

Burnamer · 07/01/2023 08:25

Did your partner forget the date of his daughter’s birthday?

euff · 07/01/2023 08:29

If he forgot DD's birthday he sounds shit. He should have spoken to you about the plans where you might have said it's no problem if that's the date that works for everyone and we'll do something for DD's birthday on x day instead. Do you have family you want to celebrate with? If yes could you plan that for before the retirement party so you aren't all tired etc? Take her to the retirement party with a big birthday badge on!

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 08:31

Let him go by himself and you have a nice time with your child for their birthday. Screw them.

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 08:32

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 08:31

Let him go by himself and you have a nice time with your child for their birthday. Screw them.

Posted to soon!

If they can't be bothered then don't give them another thought and certainly don't be going to their party.

RNBrie · 07/01/2023 08:32

I think you're being a bit precious, sorry! She's 2!

We had a similar thing happen for dd's 3rd bday. I chatted to my MIL about doing something earlier in the day for dd and we ended up doing a cake for her at the big party, everyone sang and she thought it was her party. It was lovely and funny and we have very happy memories.

Swearwolf · 07/01/2023 08:32

Is the retirement party an all-day thing? A toddler birthday party is better in the morning anyway as they often still have an afternoon nap at that age. If the family are only 30 mins away you can do both.

It sounds as though this is more general resentment about your daughter not being a priority for them, which might be better addressed in a more general sense.

WandaWonder · 07/01/2023 08:35

Your child is 2, not 22 the party is for you not her as she won't know what a party is or will remember it

It would be odd if they don't give her a gift if they normally buy one but again she is 2

Dotcheck · 07/01/2023 08:37

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 08:32

Posted to soon!

If they can't be bothered then don't give them another thought and certainly don't be going to their party.

Show quote history

For heavens sake.
Logistically, their party was probably harder to manage. And yes they may have forgotten about your daughters birthday in the planning.
Just go. There will be heaps of family/ retired people, so loads of people will make a fuss of her.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 07/01/2023 08:37

no need for any family members at a 2yo birthday party. let them have their shindig and you organise a softplay birthday party for an appropriate tribe of 2 year olds. after the birthday party is over you can pop in to the retirement party for half an hour to wish her well, then go back home to bed as that will be enough excitement for any 2 year old in one day.

there are so many people on mumsnet who use the word "partner" for someone who doesn't actually treat them as a partner.

maddy68 · 07/01/2023 08:41

Surely the retirement party will be in the evening and a 2nd birthday party in the day?

SallyWD · 07/01/2023 08:44

I'd have a lovely day with your daughter celebrating her birthday with a party, then go to the retirement party in the evening.

Eilan50 · 07/01/2023 08:44

Who knew a retirement party for relatives was a thing🤷🏼‍♀️
I've only ever experienced people having a work retiral do with colleagues.

Misses whole point of the thread.........,

catsnthat · 07/01/2023 08:47

They won't be in at the same time? Child has party early afternoon, retirement party in the evening, sorted.

Sparkletastic · 07/01/2023 08:54

My child's birthday party or outing would take priority and I'd attend the retirement party if timings allowed. I wouldn't be too bothered about including that side of the family in the birthday celebrations.

Original poster
Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 07/01/2023 09:07

Eilan50 · 07/01/2023 08:44

Who knew a retirement party for relatives was a thing🤷🏼‍♀️
I've only ever experienced people having a work retiral do with colleagues.

Misses whole point of the thread.........,

My dad had a retirement meal with all his family. Working for the same company until your late 60’s is a pretty big deal.

ManyNameChanges · 07/01/2023 09:12

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

Yep. You have a DH/DP issue.

He never said a word to his parents about his own dd b’day.
He also knows very well you wouldn’t be happy so waited until you had no choice to be swallow it. He is probably now hoping you’ll do the same than usual and not complain about it.

Tou have some thinking to do if his family always come first orvhe can’t stand up to them and put HIS family, as in him, his dd and you, first

letthatmango · 07/01/2023 09:12

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

I'm confused, I thought the weekend retirement celebrations were on the day of her birthday NOT that her birthday is mid week.

So you're angry that he and his family haven't ring fenced the day you 'planned' to celebrate her birthday. Not her actually birthday?

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 07/01/2023 09:14

Why can’t you take her to Thomas land the other weekend near her birthday? Why are you fixed on that weekend? She’s 2, it doesn’t matter. Your frustrations with DP are another matter

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 07/01/2023 09:14

But wait it isn't actually on her birthday. Just the day that you decided you'd do something to celebrate her birthday. So the week before or the week after would be fine instead?

Swipe left for the next trending thread