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Original poster

My partner and his family have forgotten about our daughters birthday and booked a retirement party instead

78 replies

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:14

I’m feeling really hurt that my partner and his family haven’t remembered our daughters 2nd birthday in March and they’ve gone and booked/arranged a retirement party instead on the day of her birthday. I feel really hurt, however we don’t see much of his family either (but they don’t live far away, only 30 mins away).

I don’t know to react…!! I’ve had to be ok with it for now but the more I think about it the more I don’t want to take our daughter to the party. I know my partner will be upset and angry as he’s in a band with his brothers that are performing for his mum’s retirement. Yes I can arrange a party for my daughter the following day, but his family won’t come as they all either still be drunk or very hungover. His family really frustrates me, they never make the effort to come over to see us, we always have to go there.

any advice I’d appreciate x

OP posts:
Eilan50 · 07/01/2023 09:47

Yes @BatshitCrazyWoman I'm NHS so have seen many close colleagues retire who have worked for the NHS for over 40 years. They've had a work do and maybe a special family holiday but I've not known anyone have a family party.
It sounds to me like OPs relatives use any excuse for a partyGrin

starfishmummy · 07/01/2023 09:55

I'm confused. First Post says it's her birthday, second is that her birthday is a different day?

Did you tell him about the plans you were making?

saraclara · 07/01/2023 09:59

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

So retirement do isn't on her actual birthday then? It's in the day that you planned to celebrate it? So he's not actually forgotten the date of her birthday.

Shoxfordian · 07/01/2023 10:00

It’s not on her actual birthday anyway - it sounds like you have issues with him and his family anyway - this is just the latest

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/01/2023 10:18

Well, your DP should have known it was his daughter's birthday and run it past you but a retirement party on this scale is a much bigger deal than a two year old's birthday imo. The birthday girl will know no different if it happens another day or doesn't happen at all .

leelan · 07/01/2023 10:22

It's not really the point that her birthday can be celebrated another weekend.. it's her actual birthday. I'm pretty sure a retirement party can be celebrated any day. It's the fact it's actually on her birthday that would wind me up. I wouldn't go and would arrange a party for her birthday and tell them she's too tired to go to an evening party as she's had a busy day. That's just me though 😂

MeinKraft · 07/01/2023 10:24

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

It's not even her birthday
She's 2
Presumably he gets paid for gigs so yes working with come before family days out and so on quite often.

letthatmango · 07/01/2023 10:25

leelan · 07/01/2023 10:22

It's not really the point that her birthday can be celebrated another weekend.. it's her actual birthday. I'm pretty sure a retirement party can be celebrated any day. It's the fact it's actually on her birthday that would wind me up. I wouldn't go and would arrange a party for her birthday and tell them she's too tired to go to an evening party as she's had a busy day. That's just me though 😂

But it's not on her 'actual' birthday. Read the update. No one forgot the date of her birthday.

It's the day at the weekend that OP wanted to celebrate.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/01/2023 10:26

leelan · 07/01/2023 10:22

It's not really the point that her birthday can be celebrated another weekend.. it's her actual birthday. I'm pretty sure a retirement party can be celebrated any day. It's the fact it's actually on her birthday that would wind me up. I wouldn't go and would arrange a party for her birthday and tell them she's too tired to go to an evening party as she's had a busy day. That's just me though 😂

I don’t think it IS on her actual birthday…

FizzyFucker · 07/01/2023 10:33

It seems to me that OP is creating problems that don't exist.
Can you clear up the confusion over when your DD's birthday is and when the party is?

pizzaHeart · 07/01/2023 10:35

So it’s not her birthday it’s just a day convenient for you to have a celebration? It changes things. Have you specifically told to your DP to keep this day free? If so, it’s not good that he didn’t but not the end of the world yet. Your DD is only 2. I think he probably doesn’t have a “routine “ around her birthdays yet. Maybe his family never celebrates birthdays or not for 2 y.o or not on the next weekend.
The main issue for me was that he didn’t check plans with you : never mind birthday, you could plan to be away or at the hospital appointment or something else.

Georgyporky · 07/01/2023 10:35

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 07/01/2023 09:14

But wait it isn't actually on her birthday. Just the day that you decided you'd do something to celebrate her birthday. So the week before or the week after would be fine instead?

Exactly what I was thinking.

hmmmintereting · 07/01/2023 10:54

I get your frustration, but your daughter will have lots of birthdays; people usually only retire once! She won't know it's her birthday so hold it a week before/after. Problem solved.

hmmmintereting · 07/01/2023 10:56

Seen your update! It's not even your daughters birthday on that day. What on Earth are you going on about then?

Eleganz · 07/01/2023 10:58

Did you communicate any of your plans to your partner about thomasland? It sounds like you didn't to me.

How much influence has your partner had over setting the date here? It isn't actually his party is it?

Sounds like you are mad because someone else has beaten you to the punch in getting organised to me and you somehow expected your partner to know that a weekend evening near your 2 year old's birthday was unavailable by mind-reading skills. Am I wrong?

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2023 11:00

Millymoo14 · 07/01/2023 08:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s the fact he’s known about this for weeks and hasn’t bothered to mention anything to me until now when it’s all booked. The fact I was planning an outing to Thomas Land that weekend. Plus we’d be at work on the day of her birthday so that’s why I was planning weekend celebrations. My partner is the father of my daughter but when it comes to band and gigs the family become a second priority.

So you were not even planning to hold her party on her actual birthday?
she will be 2. She won’t care if / when / who attends a birthday party for her. That you’ve not actually organised yet.
Moving forward, you and DP need to get a calendar that all events are written on. And you need to get some perspective.

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2023 11:02

ManyNameChanges · 07/01/2023 09:12

Yep. You have a DH/DP issue.

He never said a word to his parents about his own dd b’day.
He also knows very well you wouldn’t be happy so waited until you had no choice to be swallow it. He is probably now hoping you’ll do the same than usual and not complain about it.

Tou have some thinking to do if his family always come first orvhe can’t stand up to them and put HIS family, as in him, his dd and you, first

Show quote history

The retirement party isn’t on the same day as his DDs birthday though.

Feelallright · 07/01/2023 11:02

yikesanotherbooboo · 07/01/2023 10:18

Well, your DP should have known it was his daughter's birthday and run it past you but a retirement party on this scale is a much bigger deal than a two year old's birthday imo. The birthday girl will know no different if it happens another day or doesn't happen at all .

It’s not her birthday.

Eleganz · 07/01/2023 11:03

Also just seen in your update that you have concerns about your partner's involvement in a band. I presume said band will be playing at the retirement party? The band is what this is really about isn't it?

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2023 11:08

AngelDelightUK · 07/01/2023 09:35

When I thought it was the day of your daughters birthday I thought it was really out of order. But now I’ve been it’s not and it’s just the day you were going to go out then do that another day

I would be tempted not to go though

Why?
OP: hey DH, it’s DDs birthday on a Wednesday so I would like us to take her to Thomasland the following Saturday instead. Does that work for you?
DH: ah, no. That’s when it’s DFs retirement do. How about we do the Saturday before her birthday instead?
OP: cool - that works for me.

Amadeaa · 07/01/2023 11:08

Reading your update, this sounds like an absolute non-issue for me. No one has forgotten her birthday and no one has planned anything else on her birthday? I assume there are some other issues which might be solved in an open communication with your partner?

arethereanyleftatall · 07/01/2023 11:10

I doubt the op will be back. I think she preferred the answers she got before she actually told the truth about the birthday actual date.

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2023 11:11

leelan · 07/01/2023 10:22

It's not really the point that her birthday can be celebrated another weekend.. it's her actual birthday. I'm pretty sure a retirement party can be celebrated any day. It's the fact it's actually on her birthday that would wind me up. I wouldn't go and would arrange a party for her birthday and tell them she's too tired to go to an evening party as she's had a busy day. That's just me though 😂

The retirement do isn’t on her actual birthday, it’s on the day the OP was thinking about taking DD to Thomasland.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 07/01/2023 11:13

MaireadMcSweeney · 07/01/2023 08:24

If your partner is her dad and genuinely forgot her birthday that's shit. However do her party another day and take her to the family party. Don't be petty.

She isn't being petty, it's her daughters Birthday for crying out loud

butterfliedtwo · 07/01/2023 11:14

Misleading. It's not her birthday. He hasn't planned a retirement party on her birthday.

There's a lot of my daughter in your posts. So issues are probably abound. But this isn't one.

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