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Original poster

Mens sex drive

123 replies

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 13:44

All we hear is abour how men are sex mad, many of us have experienced this and so it feels very personal if we ever get rejected, but the truth is many men have little/no sex drive.. why is this so little known? Since coming on mumsnet I see so many threads about women who are frustrated as their husbands or partners don't want sex and they are left feeling very confused as "all men want sex all the time" but it's not true for many men is it? They can be similar to how many women are, go off it, hormone levels. Many women on here have the higher sex drive.

OP posts:
RunRunRunSomeMore · 04/01/2023 22:54

For anyone else in a similar situation or indeed anyone who is the person with the "low libido", do you think it's possible to genuinely have a low sex drive but still frequently masturbate?

No, in that it's a contradiction in terms. Masturbation is a form of sexual release, so if you're driven to do it frequently, that's an active sex drive.

It's clearly possible to choose that form of release over sex with a partner though, I suppose because it's easier, less emotionally challenging and has more scope for variety.

NovelFarmer · 04/01/2023 23:29

Well I’ve always had a higher libido than DH.
My DH takes meds which I thought effected his drive. But recently things have improved from once or twice a month to weekly.
Not sure what’s changed really because he still takes the meds. But our kids are getting a little older, he started up a new business, so quit his last employment and I cried my eyes out to him one day about how hard it is to have a higher libido. I still want it more frequently but that’s life.

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:47

I am just so relieved my DH (44) is up for sex whenever I want it, because right now my hormones are crazy; I feel like a teenage boy. Literally all I can think about is sex right now. I can’t get enough. I’m 38, still breastfeeding an older toddler so I’m assuming this is hormones? I’ve become a sex pest, I’m so embarrassed. He’s loving it at the moment but I think I’m walking a fine line. Flashback to 18-24 months ago when I had zero desire whatsoever but my husband didn’t look so knackered. He needs a medal!

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 01:53

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 01:47

I am just so relieved my DH (44) is up for sex whenever I want it, because right now my hormones are crazy; I feel like a teenage boy. Literally all I can think about is sex right now. I can’t get enough. I’m 38, still breastfeeding an older toddler so I’m assuming this is hormones? I’ve become a sex pest, I’m so embarrassed. He’s loving it at the moment but I think I’m walking a fine line. Flashback to 18-24 months ago when I had zero desire whatsoever but my husband didn’t look so knackered. He needs a medal!

That was me three years ago. Something about breastfeeding turns me into a sex crazed fiend. Like to the point that my body annoys me. Concentrating at work is impossible. My brain keeps going back to sex all day long. One time hubby said no because he was rightfully exhausted and I literally cried like a child who was told to go to their room. Legitimately embarrassing. Even more embarrassing that he gave into the crying and had sex with me. I felt guilty afterwards because I felt like I corrected him into it. 😅

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 01:54

Coerced*

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 02:06

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 01:53

That was me three years ago. Something about breastfeeding turns me into a sex crazed fiend. Like to the point that my body annoys me. Concentrating at work is impossible. My brain keeps going back to sex all day long. One time hubby said no because he was rightfully exhausted and I literally cried like a child who was told to go to their room. Legitimately embarrassing. Even more embarrassing that he gave into the crying and had sex with me. I felt guilty afterwards because I felt like I corrected him into it. 😅

Show quote history

I’m so relieved to hear that I’m not the only one, as all I read is how BF lowers libido. I can’t concentrate at work. I can’t even walk down the street without wanting to ride all the handsome men into the sunset or do naughty things to the gorgeous ladies. I get angry at myself for being like this. So thank you for sharing your experience too.

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 02:07

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 01:53

That was me three years ago. Something about breastfeeding turns me into a sex crazed fiend. Like to the point that my body annoys me. Concentrating at work is impossible. My brain keeps going back to sex all day long. One time hubby said no because he was rightfully exhausted and I literally cried like a child who was told to go to their room. Legitimately embarrassing. Even more embarrassing that he gave into the crying and had sex with me. I felt guilty afterwards because I felt like I corrected him into it. 😅

Show quote history

Laughed so much at you crying!! Relatable!

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 02:22

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 02:07

Laughed so much at you crying!! Relatable!

Show quote history

I was crawling the walls horny and masturbation wasn’t cutting it for me that day. 😂

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 02:24

Aussiegirl123456 · 05/01/2023 02:06

I’m so relieved to hear that I’m not the only one, as all I read is how BF lowers libido. I can’t concentrate at work. I can’t even walk down the street without wanting to ride all the handsome men into the sunset or do naughty things to the gorgeous ladies. I get angry at myself for being like this. So thank you for sharing your experience too.

Show quote history

Yes everyone else was complaining about low sex drive and I was googling if there was a pill or something that I could take to control the screaming sex demon that was taking over my life.

Michael343 · 05/01/2023 08:06

All I can say is lucky men, to the above! My current other half has a really low sex drive, I'm totally unmatched! I'd definitely consider any inability of my other half to concentrate at work a blessing I'd make use of! :D

BabyOnBoard90 · 05/01/2023 13:39

Tbf there are just as many threads of the vice versa.

Many threads of women disinterested in sex once they have a child

ShyBeauty · 05/01/2023 14:02

Michael343 · 05/01/2023 08:06

All I can say is lucky men, to the above! My current other half has a really low sex drive, I'm totally unmatched! I'd definitely consider any inability of my other half to concentrate at work a blessing I'd make use of! :D

Husband used to say something similar until he was getting woken up at 3am on a work night. Then it wasn’t fun anymore. Lol The reality of it is annoying. Better left in erotic novels. Not to mention if your wife is breastfeeding it’s literally the worst time to be horny because you’ve got a tiny infant that is extremely needy 24/7 making it almost impossible to find time to have sexy times. I would say it’s almost a biological advantage for the sex drive to be flattened during breastfeeding.

I mean I’ve always considered myself to have a naturally high sex drive but that was actually unbearable. Definitely such thing as too much of a good thing. I like that I can have sex once or twice a day and then the need goes away. But during that time it was all consuming and nothing made my drive settle down. Didn’t matter how mind blowing the sex was.

I was at the mercy of my f@cking hormones. Glad those days are behind me.

MissConductUS · 05/01/2023 14:19

Bepis · 04/01/2023 21:55

@MissConductUS Thank you, didn't think of this and I didn't know it was common at his age. Tbh he has had a lot of crap going on over the last couple of years which I don't think has helped.

You're welcome. It's a simple blood test your GP can do to see if that's the problem. It does need treatment beyond the libido issue, as low T can cause other medical problems for men. You should encourage him to have it checked.

www.endocrine.org/patient-engagement/endocrine-library/hypogonadism

pocketvenuss · 05/01/2023 14:21

StarlightLady · 04/01/2023 14:18

It seems that males tend to peak much earlier and arguably for a shorter period than females.

Some. Some men. Other men have high drives into their old age. That's the point. People need to stop making sweeping generalisations

pocketvenuss · 05/01/2023 14:22

Soothsayer1 · 04/01/2023 14:21

Men are only interested in their own pleasure and their own orgasms, that's why it's usually over much too quickly for women to feel truly satisfied.
I know that not all men are like that but in my experience most of them are, maybe I've just been unlucky 🤷

Some. Stop with the sweeping generalisations.

Wifeinboots · 28/12/2023 04:43

I have read that since 1980 men's testosterone levels have fallen by 50%! Men are flocking to clinics to get TRT. I think men have shrunk in more than one way these days. Maybe ask him to get his testosterone levels tested?

harerunner · 28/12/2023 06:51

BigFatLiar · 04/01/2023 20:55

I think you've come onto this thread ranting nonsense 😂

But that's the norm here. Some posters just want to be angry about something doesn't matter what.

So long as the object of their anger is men 😂

harerunner · 28/12/2023 06:57

One time hubby said no because he was rightfully exhausted and I literally cried like a child who was told to go to their room. Legitimately embarrassing. Even more embarrassing that he gave into the crying and had sex with me.

A prime example of MN double standards. Just imagine the response if a man had posted this!

User135644 · 28/12/2023 07:02

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 13:44

All we hear is abour how men are sex mad, many of us have experienced this and so it feels very personal if we ever get rejected, but the truth is many men have little/no sex drive.. why is this so little known? Since coming on mumsnet I see so many threads about women who are frustrated as their husbands or partners don't want sex and they are left feeling very confused as "all men want sex all the time" but it's not true for many men is it? They can be similar to how many women are, go off it, hormone levels. Many women on here have the higher sex drive.

Most men want sex all the time but it'll never be true for everyone and arousal works differently for different people.

HelmholtzWatson · 28/12/2023 07:28

The Coolidge effect:

“an old joke about Calvin Coolidge.. The President and Mrs Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

in sum, men are probably not disinterested in sex, just sex with the same partner.

MaxTalk · 28/12/2023 07:33

Sex with the same person is ultimately boring.

Disturbia81 · 28/12/2023 07:44

HelmholtzWatson · 28/12/2023 07:28

The Coolidge effect:

“an old joke about Calvin Coolidge.. The President and Mrs Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When [Mrs. Coolidge] came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by." Upon being told, the President asked, "Same hen every time?" The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time." President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."

in sum, men are probably not disinterested in sex, just sex with the same partner.

Edited

Same applies to women judging by all the women who go off sex.

HelmholtzWatson · 28/12/2023 07:50

Disturbia81 · 28/12/2023 07:44

Same applies to women judging by all the women who go off sex.

Show quote history

Quite possibly. However, the effect is much stronger for men, hence why they are more likely to cheat.

Disturbia81 · 28/12/2023 08:00

I hear of it about women more.. men content to have sex with same woman as long as they are getting it, but the woman goes off it with the same man, and it's reignited by someone new. She might not cheat to get it but the desire is there.

Ladolcevita233 · 28/12/2023 08:20

Women as a group are every bit as nasty as men

Not really.

Look at crime statistics.

There is still also a huge amount of toxic masculinity and male entitlement.