Mens sex drive

[QueefQueen80s]

All we hear is abour how men are sex mad, many of us have experienced this and so it feels very personal if we ever get rejected, but the truth is many men have little/no sex drive.. why is this so little known? Since coming on mumsnet I see so many threads about women who are frustrated as their husbands or partners don't want sex and they are left feeling very confused as "all men want sex all the time" but it's not true for many men is it? They can be similar to how many women are, go off it, hormone levels. Many women on here have the higher sex drive.

@Palmfrond
OK, well done with being aggressive off the starting block.

What part of the post was offensive to you? A woman very kindly acknowledged that men are often unjustifiably tarred with brushes that are not often associated (equally) with women...

And the incel comment... just a word you heard that you like to throw around? (Apologies to the OP, I don't want this to hijack your post).

Not just your husband. I know we were both a bit wary when the girls were here. Even just kissing was apparently just gross, we were so old. I don't know if they ever considered how they came to be.

My DH doesn’t want sex all the time. Once a week is probably sufficient for him, twice a week at most. I’m the same so we are well matched. He’s not selfish or porn obsessed or cheating, that is just his sex drive!

I wasn’t being aggressive! You literally do not speak for me. FYI.

Look, mumsnet is what it is. People coming on here waving their big “ooh, double standards!” finger are just tedious. There are other, more incelly places for that.

Talk of general sex drive differences between men and women will, like all generalisations, cover a wide spectrum and be subject to many exceptions, so obviously a statement like "all men want sex all the time" will not be true. It seems to be the case however that most men over much of their lives feel an all-consuming urgency about sex that is a long way beyond how women experience it. Particularly in their late teens and twenties, and then as we get older men are less likely to lose their sex drive completely the way women sometimes do after having children, or after the menopause. There are several important points here however:

1. These are observations based on people in real life. You need to be careful of judging based on Mumsnet, because people come here specifically to get help with problems, so the proportion of reports of the problem may well be mugh higher than in real life.
2. Many people here do report this problem, but many more report the opposite problem: the sheer uncontrolled and inappropriate constant horniness of men. Partners' porn addiction; being pestered by their husbands for sex; getting approached inappropriately by men on the street; the dire behaviour of most men on dating sites saying they want a relationship and then just moving straight to hook-up mode etc.
3. When considering people going off sex with their partner, you need to consider how they do it and what replaces it. Many married women go off sex with their partner because they're just not interested in sex (although in some cases it obviously is more specifically to do with the partner). Many married men go off sex with their partner because they are obsessed with the idea of novelty, various unrealistic fantasies etc. and are just not interested in monogamy. Many of them will still watch porn despite not wanting sex with their partner.

Having said all that, of course there are some men who just have a low sex drive. but that doesn't negate the fact that mens' sex drive in general is higher than womens'. And it's not just a question of high/low: it has a different quality and different relationship to emotion, socialisation etc.

Definitely varies for men. I have a very high sex drive, it's been problematic in relationships. My current DP has a good drive but it is affected by the same things that affects a women, eg tiredness and stress. At the min he seems content with once a week which I am struggling with, but I know it isn't personal. I just have to play by myself sometimes!

I’ve always had a higher sex drive than my male partners, even the one who was a genuine sex addict! It has often caused problems for me in relationships. I’m trying to learn to adjust to it in my current relationship and I think I’m slowly getting there.

Other places to talk a bit about mumsnet having double standards? Other than the actual place they are? You think highlighting that sometimes (often) men and women get different responses shouldn’t be something we do on the actusl
place it happens but should be elsewhere?

sonewhere more “incelly”?

This is a fair point. Men with lower sex drives can be seen as unusual, not manly, something wrong, perhaps something to be ashamed of.

Thanks for the answers, my OP was a bit muddled so I'm surprised I got any haha.
Just exploring it really, and whether men genuinely just don't fancy it because they're tired, too busy, not happy etc. As the narrative is always that they would hump anything!

I had an ex who was addicted to weed and that meant he had a low sex drive.
I knew someone on medication for anxiety, and someone on meds for mental health issues that meant both had a low sex drive and could live without it.

I know a few men who don't have sex at all with their wives anymore but know they have a high sex drive still, wank a lot etc. Both man and woman want sex still but aren't having it.

So from my life experience there is usually a reason rather than like women we can live without it for long periods for no reason other than don't feel like it (not speaking for everyone)

In my experience it’s usually because my guy is just tired from working, the exhaustion that comes from parenting or because he’s been doing chores (surprising I know as a husband doing chores is a mythical creature on mumsnet). Maybe I married a unicorn? My sex drive is higher but only slightly. We do it 4-5 times a week so we are pretty regular.

Sometimes I get the feeling that some of the women on mumsnet are having unseen issues in their relationship and that’s causing their partner to struggle with connecting. Though that’s not always the case. The vitriolic hatred of certain types of sex that I’ve noticed on this website certainly doesn’t seem to help. But that’s a topic for another thread.

Probably some combination of porn addiction and/or low testosterone due to obesity, xenoestrogens, microplastics, etc. Sperm counts are plunging too. It's not normal or healthy for a man to have a low libido.

I’m not having an affair (I genuinely don’t get how people find the time), I haven’t watched porn since I was about 19/20, I’m not selfish and we’re a very 50/50 couple, so that means I must be straight 🤣

Every time!

You actually were being aggressive.
And pointing out double standards does not mean being an Incel. No need to call someone names just because you don't agree with them.

2 months ago I’d have said the same thing. Then I started dating an ex colleague and my God it’s not true at all. I’ve been single over a decade, didn’t think anything of not having sex, but I realised that was because I was having bad sex. Now I’m having amazing sex and nope not all men are only interested in themselves. I mean it’s early days, but even so, even if it only lasted a few months and then it changed, I’ll enjoy that few months!

Telling someone who claims to speak “on behalf of men” that, as a man myself, they don’t speak for me is aggressive? That’s some mighty thin skin there, pardner!

And anyone with half an ounce of wit knows that there are massive double standards being used on mumsnet, but that half ounce of wit should also tell you that mumsnet is de facto a largely women’s space on the internet, and wading in with the old “waaa, what about when women do it” is lame, naff and, if nothing else, pointless.

I didnt say they were ALL terrible, 95% not worth it for me though, not bothered any more, my poor deceased sex drive died of disappointment and I'm happier now I'm free of it (him/her?)

I will say my husband masturbates and watches porn ... Sometimes he does both right next to me in bed

Grim.

It’s only grim if you don’t like that kind of thing. I also do the same thing to him. 😄

I also don't think it's grim. But missionary silent sex is the MN way 🥱 wait til they find out about golden showers etc... now that's grim and will blow their minds @KinkyMom

Amazing fact - not all men are the same

But they are all at fault

somehow

Has he had his testosterone levels checked? Low T is very common for men that age.

The same thing happened to my DH at 45. As soon as he went on HRT he was as right as rain again.

I am so sick and tired of the endless threads about men and their libido. There is a sex board, you know? But they're probably not allowed to post there yet. I wonder why (!)