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Original poster

Mens sex drive

123 replies

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 13:44

All we hear is abour how men are sex mad, many of us have experienced this and so it feels very personal if we ever get rejected, but the truth is many men have little/no sex drive.. why is this so little known? Since coming on mumsnet I see so many threads about women who are frustrated as their husbands or partners don't want sex and they are left feeling very confused as "all men want sex all the time" but it's not true for many men is it? They can be similar to how many women are, go off it, hormone levels. Many women on here have the higher sex drive.

OP posts:
FromRashaWithLove · 04/01/2023 20:18

Can't all these men on here get their hand out of their pants and ask about cleaning the oven or best books to read their children or ideas for their DW's birthday. It's all SEX SEX SEX getting it, not getting, not kinky enough, not acrobatic enough. FGS. Since when has MN become a refuge for men and their sex life woes?

NoDatingForOldMen · 04/01/2023 20:20

MoonbeamsGlittering · 04/01/2023 15:06

@QueefQueen80s I think there is cultural pressure for men to seem like they're always up for sex, and some men might be embarrassed to admit that they're not. I'm a man and my sex drive is still high but I have friends who say they've slowed down, but it seemed like an awkward secret. Also I've never turned my wife down and at this point it might seem really strange to her if I did, like some big change must have happened.

100% this, my sex drive has been affected by life events , divorce, redundancy, death of a parent, work stress, home stress etc, but socially men are expected to be up for it at the drop of a hat.

RunRunRunSomeMore · 04/01/2023 20:33

FromRashaWithLove · 04/01/2023 20:16

I am so sick and tired of the endless threads about men and their libido. There is a sex board, you know? But they're probably not allowed to post there yet. I wonder why (!)

So sick that you have to open them and join in?

RunRunRunSomeMore · 04/01/2023 20:37

FromRashaWithLove · 04/01/2023 20:18

Can't all these men on here get their hand out of their pants and ask about cleaning the oven or best books to read their children or ideas for their DW's birthday. It's all SEX SEX SEX getting it, not getting, not kinky enough, not acrobatic enough. FGS. Since when has MN become a refuge for men and their sex life woes?

The thread was started by a woman (it appears).

Although I'm sure the patriarchy made her do it.

Original poster
QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 20:51

FromRashaWithLove · 04/01/2023 20:16

I am so sick and tired of the endless threads about men and their libido. There is a sex board, you know? But they're probably not allowed to post there yet. I wonder why (!)

Erm check my post history, I can definitely post on the sex board but thought it was a relationship issue too.
And I agree with you, the sex obsessed men do just go on about it all the time instead of addressing other stuff. I'm not posting about that, I'm posting that it's normal for many men to not be bothered about it either but that goes against the narrative of every one of them being constantly up for it.

I think you've come onto this thread ranting nonsense 😂

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 04/01/2023 20:55

I think you've come onto this thread ranting nonsense 😂

But that's the norm here. Some posters just want to be angry about something doesn't matter what.

RunRunRunSomeMore · 04/01/2023 21:04

Oh I think it does matter what. 😀

MaxTalk · 04/01/2023 21:07

Sex gets boring with the same partner after a while. Like anything, it becomes less special/interesting over time so I can understand people not being "up for it".

DianeAdores · 04/01/2023 21:08

Interesting thread. I definitely have a higher sex drive than my DP - I'd have it every day, but he's happy with once a week. I have to be careful not to be a sex pest, because I can imagine that the one thing that would lower his sex drive even more would be me pressurising him to have sex.

KinkyMom · 04/01/2023 21:43

amiold · 04/01/2023 19:32

I also don't think it's grim. But missionary silent sex is the MN way 🥱 wait til they find out about golden showers etc... now that's grim and will blow their minds @KinkyMom

Thank the stars I’m not alone. Honestly mumsnet has started to get me wondering if everyone in the UK is sexually repressed or if there is just something about this website that draws out a certain kind of sad wife type that thinks vanilla sex is the only acceptable kind!

amiold · 04/01/2023 21:45

@KinkyMom haha yes it is definitely a strange place. What til they tell you that you're being abused because your partner wanks in bed 😂 "LTB" 😆

KinkyMom · 04/01/2023 21:48

amiold · 04/01/2023 21:45

@KinkyMom haha yes it is definitely a strange place. What til they tell you that you're being abused because your partner wanks in bed 😂 "LTB" 😆

Well if the sex is this good in the patriarchy sign me up! Don’t tell them that doing the dishes together and talking about our feelings is practically foreplay for us. They’ll ban those too!

You know with the wooden spoons, spatula spankings and the dirty talk while the baby is asleep. 😆

Bestcatmum · 04/01/2023 21:51

Whatever the situation it isn't one person's responsibility to service the other person constantly if it's making them uncomfortable.

RunRunRunSomeMore · 04/01/2023 21:52

amiold · 04/01/2023 21:45

@KinkyMom haha yes it is definitely a strange place. What til they tell you that you're being abused because your partner wanks in bed 😂 "LTB" 😆

Launder The Bedsheets?

Bepis · 04/01/2023 21:53

MaxTalk · 04/01/2023 21:07

Sex gets boring with the same partner after a while. Like anything, it becomes less special/interesting over time so I can understand people not being "up for it".

It shouldn't if you're in love with each other.

amiold · 04/01/2023 21:54

@RunRunRunSomeMore she'll have to after all the going's on 😂

Bepis · 04/01/2023 21:55

@MissConductUS Thank you, didn't think of this and I didn't know it was common at his age. Tbh he has had a lot of crap going on over the last couple of years which I don't think has helped.

ShandaLear · 04/01/2023 21:59

whattodo1975 · 04/01/2023 14:35

The consensus on mumsnet is that if your husband isnt up for a shag he is either:

Gay.
Having an affair.
Addicted to porn.
Selfish.

There is no "he just doesnt fancy it", that isnt allowed on here.

My ex was having a gay affair. Do I win a prize?

WakeMeUpWhenDecemberEnds · 04/01/2023 22:01

I don't think people understand how lonely it can be being in a sexless relationship, particularly as a female. We are conditioned to believe that men constantly think about sex, have high libido etc. But when your DP/H frequently rejects intimacy, it absolutely whittles away your self esteem. I'm 32 an DP is 43. When we first met we had a fairly good/average sex life. This dwindled as the years went on. DP will still watch porn 3/4 times a week but will reject me. He tells me he has a low libido but clearly not if he's still seeing to himself. If he genuinely had a low libido (ie no masturbation) I could tolerate the situation but that's not the case. I'm absolutely not stunning but I do look after myself, get regular hollywood's, keep in shape etc and DP just makes me feel invisible. I've had a number of opportunities over the years to stray but have never once been tempted, simply because I love my DP and don't want to sleep with anyone else but him. However, my situation has completely destroyed my self confidence. It's very hard not to take it personal. For anyone else in a similar situation or indeed anyone who is the person with the "low libido", do you think it's possible to genuinely have a low sex drive but still frequently masturbate?

DanseAvecLesLoups · 04/01/2023 22:05

ShandaLear · 04/01/2023 21:59

My ex was having a gay affair. Do I win a prize?

Show quote history

Only if he suffered from death grip as well.

Michael343 · 04/01/2023 22:05

I'm really surprised at the frequency of this issue. I've always had a super high sex drive, and only really matched with women who enjoyed that. I can't imagine not wanting to be with the person I love all the time!

Icecreamandapplepie · 04/01/2023 22:07

Male low sex drive is obviously sometimes for other reasons but...

If porn wasn't a thing, it would be different in alot of relationships.

Porn makes (many) men lazy and disinterested in a real life monogamous relationship.

Fact.

KinkyMom · 04/01/2023 22:14

Michael343 · 04/01/2023 22:05

I'm really surprised at the frequency of this issue. I've always had a super high sex drive, and only really matched with women who enjoyed that. I can't imagine not wanting to be with the person I love all the time!

I feel like it’s an emotional connection issue and as many men often struggle to understand their emotions and communicate them well they often end up (either wittingly or unwittingly) putting their emotional needs on the back burner for better or worse. As I think whether they know it or not men need to feel that connection too or else they struggle to communicate to their partners that they want or need sex. The problems in the relationship end up growing and it becomes too much trouble for them to ask for sex so they would rather retreat to masturbation and porn instead of talking it out.

At least that is my theory.

PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2023 22:16

Wakemeup I think it possibly is, though I struggle to understand it. From my perspective I think I have quite a high sex drive, and masturbation is almost a separate thing - it's much more about a basic level of feeling ok in myself, whereas I want/need sex and orgasm to feel loved, to express love, to feel properly released, cherished and calm. So I can imagine someone who does do the masturbation side rather like flossing their teeth or scratching their head, but who just doesn't have that visceral interpersonal need.

Im not saying I could live with it though. Tbh I don't plan to live with underwhelming sex ever again.

KinkyMom · 04/01/2023 22:22

QueefQueen80s · 04/01/2023 20:51

Erm check my post history, I can definitely post on the sex board but thought it was a relationship issue too.
And I agree with you, the sex obsessed men do just go on about it all the time instead of addressing other stuff. I'm not posting about that, I'm posting that it's normal for many men to not be bothered about it either but that goes against the narrative of every one of them being constantly up for it.

I think you've come onto this thread ranting nonsense 😂

Show quote history

I’m glad @FromRashaWithLove pointed out the existence of a sex forum. I can in fact post in it I just couldn’t find it because it was buried deep in the talk > body and soul forums. I think I found my new favourite place to hang out.