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Original poster

Would you leave a relationship for this?

126 replies

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 13:25

Just to preface this with the fact that I know you can leave a relationship for any reason you want. I just want to know how many other people would find this to be a deal breaker. I am doubting myself here as there are lots of upsides.

My OH is a lovely, kind, generous man, who will do anything for me. I trust him as much as its possible to trust anyone. My DD (who isn't his) gets on well with him. He enhances my life in many ways. He helps around the house and pulls his weight. Our sex life is good.

But I cannot cope with his phone use. He is on his phone every waking minute of the day. It's very hard to persuade him to do anything else. I hate it. I think its lame and stupid. I have asked him to spend less time on it and he doesn't understand the issue. He just defaults to it in this bovine, unthinking way and I find it so stupid and lacking in dynamism. It's all pretty innocuous, there's no porn (that I have ever discovered), no messaging other women, mainly just facebook and football sites and occasionally newspapers. I just find it so depressing that an individual would prefer doom-scrolling to doing anything else in life and so tired of it being in my space all the time.

Would you leave a relationship for this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 14:26

@AngelinaFibres

Yeah I’m going to ignore the character assassination because perhaps I asked for that but how can you know he’s “lovely”?

I’m quite struck by how spiteful some of these posts are: I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme. Oh well, that told me.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 31/12/2022 14:27

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 13:50

@MayThe4th

And yeah I do think people who sit on their phones all day are beneath me.

If you're going to carry on with the Snob persona, the word is 'Yes'.

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2022 14:28

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 14:26

@AngelinaFibres

Yeah I’m going to ignore the character assassination because perhaps I asked for that but how can you know he’s “lovely”?

I’m quite struck by how spiteful some of these posts are: I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme. Oh well, that told me.

Spiteful?

It’s such a bovine and dumb way to pass time is such a sweet and kind thing to say however?

MayThe4th · 31/12/2022 14:29

Am I the only one who can’t wait until the OP’s dd is a teenager?

Onnabugeisha · 31/12/2022 14:31

No, I would not break up over a harmless activity my partner chooses to do in their leisure time.

I agree though that you’re not good enough for him. No one should have a partner that thinks people who engage in the same leisure activity they do are “thick”, “beneath me”, “bovine”, “waste of oxygen” and so on.

No one should have a partner that sneers at them and tries to control them by denigrating their chosen leisure activities.

Really. For all your smirking and pontificating about how bad electronic devices are, you can’t even comprehend that they are hand-held libraries and virtual discussion groups. What do you think people did in the old days? They’d buy and read magazines, newspapers, borrow books from libraries and meet in groups in coffee houses or pubs or homes to discuss the days issues and so on.

The fact we can now do all this from our phone doesn’t suddenly make it a waste of time or make people stupid. The whole idea we must be “productive” 24/7 is inherited from Protestant work ethic fanaticism. It’s not something to applaud or aspire to.

Bernadinetta · 31/12/2022 14:31

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 14:26

@AngelinaFibres

Yeah I’m going to ignore the character assassination because perhaps I asked for that but how can you know he’s “lovely”?

I’m quite struck by how spiteful some of these posts are: I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme. Oh well, that told me.

How can we know he’s lovely? You wrote that he’s lovely in your first post.

tickticksnooze · 31/12/2022 14:31

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 14:26

@AngelinaFibres

Yeah I’m going to ignore the character assassination because perhaps I asked for that but how can you know he’s “lovely”?

I’m quite struck by how spiteful some of these posts are: I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme. Oh well, that told me.

Have you not noticed how spiteful your own posts are?

Crazyinlove123 · 31/12/2022 14:32

If he was on the phone non stop and not doing anything but that then yes it’s a problem. But it sounds like this is something he does in his downtime and the only issue you have is because it’s a phone not a book or instrument. Could you get a fake book for him to put the phone in while he scrolls so it doesn’t offend you as much 🙄

MayThe4th · 31/12/2022 14:32

Oh come on let’s not pretend you’re any kind of victim here.

Firstly if you re-read your OP you said yourself he is lovely, pulls his weight around the house (not sure why he should have to given he lives there) is good with your dd, and then went on to say that he is thick and beneath you. Oh, and what kind of device have you been using to post on this thread and obsess over it for the past hour? Shouldn’t you be off practicing your harping instrument?

Pinkgirl2013 · 31/12/2022 14:33

I would be really annoyed at him, but ultimately you’ve got a great man.

ILoveChristmas6 · 31/12/2022 14:34

How can you guys not see this is a troll?! OP get off Mumsnet and go play your trumpet 😂

Frith2013 · 31/12/2022 14:35

Someone doesn't know the definition of bovine.

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 31/12/2022 14:36

"I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme." Probably because you think people who use their phone more than you are bovine and beneath you.

MayThe4th · 31/12/2022 14:38

@ILoveChristmas6 · oh I reported it ages ago. Am just sticking around for the deletion message.

IrishJ · 31/12/2022 14:38

So, you can sit on MN, and endlessly argue with strangers because they disagree with you.

But he scrolls on his phone or looks at news or football and he’s beneath you?

Absolutely, yes I would end the relationship, but over your attitude. Not his phone use

Alcemeg · 31/12/2022 14:41

I think some PPs are so focused on the word "lovely" that they are missing
He is on his phone every waking minute of the day. It's very hard to persuade him to do anything else.

ILoveChristmas6 · 31/12/2022 14:42

MayThe4th · 31/12/2022 14:38

@ILoveChristmas6 · oh I reported it ages ago. Am just sticking around for the deletion message.

Haha I like your style

drpet49 · 31/12/2022 14:43

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 13:40

I just think there’s something uniquely thick and wasteful about sitting on your phone. It’s such a bovine and dumb way to pass time and it’s hugely addictive. I really hate the idea of hours being squandered in such a non productive fashion. I’m not a huge fan of the tv being on all the time either tbh but that’s not something he has a problem with.

Show quote history

You are really not coming across well here OP.

Bernadinetta · 31/12/2022 14:44

MayThe4th · 31/12/2022 14:38

@ILoveChristmas6 · oh I reported it ages ago. Am just sticking around for the deletion message.

Spoilsport! We want to know what instrument the OP spends her leisure time perfecting!

Jollofrice · 31/12/2022 14:44

Alcemeg · 31/12/2022 14:41

I think some PPs are so focused on the word "lovely" that they are missing
He is on his phone every waking minute of the day. It's very hard to persuade him to do anything else.

He is only on the phone during his downtime. Everything else is fine as he helps out etc

midsomermurderess · 31/12/2022 14:46

Would it irritate you if he spend all his free time with his nose in a book, or on Wordle or a cryptic crossword, or making something in the shed?

oviraptor21 · 31/12/2022 14:47

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 13:50

@MayThe4th

And yeah I do think people who sit on their phones all day are beneath me.

Goodness. Thats a bit extreme.
How is it beneath you? I mean you'd probably be just about OK with me as I do play an instrument (occasionally), read a book (occasionally) and do lots of other things, but when I'm chilling at home it's mostly on my phone - browsing mumsnet (hardly an activity of 'dumb' people, reading news articles, googling things of interest. I am far more knowledgeable as a result of my phone use.
So it's really quite weird to think the opposite and to suggest that reading and playing instruments are somehow more productive 🤔

DuplicateUserName · 31/12/2022 14:48

Thelaughingtonepoliceman · 31/12/2022 14:26

@AngelinaFibres

Yeah I’m going to ignore the character assassination because perhaps I asked for that but how can you know he’s “lovely”?

I’m quite struck by how spiteful some of these posts are: I’m fully prepared to be told I am wrong or harsh but an “arse” because I disapprove of endless phone scrolling seems a tad extreme. Oh well, that told me.

'Lame'
'Bovine'
'Thick'
'Dumbass'
'People who sit on their phones all day are beneath you'

And you're whinging about being called an arse? 😂

icanwearwhatiwant · 31/12/2022 14:49

Would I end a relationship because somebody spent too much time on their phone?

Possibly, if it directly affected me IE he wasn't talking to or listening to me, didn't pull his weight around the house, never wanted to go out etc.

Would I end the relationship because somebody called me
" think its lame and stupid. I have asked him to spend less time on it and he doesn't understand the issue. He just defaults to it in this bovine, unthinking way and I find it so stupid and lacking in dynamism."

Lame, stupid, bovine, unthinking and lacking in dynamism on a public forum???

Hell yes!

Phone addiction isn't wonderful but it can be worked on, but he's not the only one who needs to make adjustments here. I wouldn't be moving in just yet.

PatientZorro · 31/12/2022 14:49

You sound more like his mother than his partner really. You’ve explained that he does this in his leisure time and holds up his end of housework etc. so you’re basically just policing what he does in his spare time and would prefer he spends leisure time on activities you view as more worthy.

I don’t think he should move in with you tbh. Your monitoring and disapproval of his leisure activities will get worse. I couldn’t live with somebody who wants to control my free time like that. Does he approve of all your leisure activities? Do you have a list of activities that do meet your approval?