Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Anyone else married a subconscious mysoginist?

102 replies

Popcornio · 27/12/2022 13:04

I married a nice guy.
But he's not really I've learned over time.

He's a bit of a sheep, follows crappy ingrained societal values and I can see he's part of the problem. He's a sexist but is offended when I suggest so... he can't see his own subconscious sexism, he's not outwardly sexist like some.

Has anyone else married one of these "nice" guys, who aren't really? Has anyone else come across this with their husbands and if so what do they do/say?

OP posts:

Nicanabanana · 13/01/2023 17:41

sianiboo · 13/01/2023 17:27

My mother is also a terrible misogynist ... she's a practicing Catholic, which has a lot to do with it.

Too many examples to mention, but the most recent one (which shocked me to the core) is that she supports Prince Andrew and thinks Virginia Giuffre is a whore of Satan! Oh and the famous photo was photoshopped...

I tried arguing with her over it, but she just wouldn't accept that 17 year old Virginia was the victim ... apparently 'she was old enough, she knew what she was doing'...

I've had to listen to absolute horrible bullshit like that from my mother all my life. Very low contact with her now, it's one of a million reasons why.

My mother is exactly the same. The girl at the rugby trial in NI wanted it. I don’t speak to my mother anymore but not just because of that comment.

HoppingAndHoping · 14/01/2023 14:39

Doormatnomore · 28/12/2022 15:28

Jesus Christ. I can hardly believe this. Please don’t be offended but my dh would never describe himself as nice (although he is) and has zero opinions on feminism. He ended up in HR because a female van driver at his work got promoted and he went off on a bloke for saying she must be sleeping with the boss etc. first I heard was because he was trying to write a statement to defend some choice language. Just one of many examples. In private he does all the ironing because he thinks I’m crap at it and makes most of the pack lunches because he gets up earlier.

more than one person in my life has lamented I didn’t marry a “nice” guy. He’s burly, wears football gear, sweats like a trooper and is suspicious of anything cultural. But fucking hell even in jest he wouldn’t say half this stuff.

surely it comes up when your dating though? Or do they hide it till they’re secure.

Sounds a bit like my dp.

Rough around the edges, grew up rurally and around some really shitty opinions (racism, sexism etc. I continue to be awed by his perseverance to be and do better!).
has an incredibly loud laugh, a sort of viking-ish beard and is probably a bit too honest. a friend of mine once said he initially thought I was with a macho idiot. until he got to really know him

he also cleans, cooks, supports me and looks after me when I'm sick.

the one thing he's shit at are birthday cards, thinking of a gift for his mother or God child etc. we brainstorm together. But he buys and organises everything for himself. our first Christmas together I nearly couldn't believe that he bought and organised everything. and without me "nagging" him.

and then I realised... why should I be surprised?? he's an adult!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5