What do you actually have in common with your partner?

[Angeldelight81]

I’m new to dating at the moment, and whenever they describe their interests to me I couldn’t be less interested if I tried. Just as an example, one guy likes riding his motorbike, visiting the pub with his friends, watching Lord of the Ring type movies and you know when you just think what female on this planet does that ?

Do other women just nod and agree with it so that these guys will go out with them ?

another described all of his free time as being taken up with his daughters, which is great yeah good, but he can’t seriously think that something that’s of interest to me ? Or any other non related women.

Job, geeky films and tv, sports, general politics and worldview.

What on earth is wrong with you?! You need help. I bet you’re an absolute nightmare in real life who everyone avoids.

Just as an example, one guy likes riding his motorbike, visiting the pub with his friends, watching Lord of the Ring type movies and you know when you just think what female on this planet does that ?
Do other women just nod and agree with it so that these guys will go out with them ?

Well I'd be very bored by the motorbikes, but I and plenty of other females on the planet enjoy going to the pub with friends and love watching Lord of the Rings type movies! Dh and I have tons in common tbh. Taste in books, films and tv (especially but not exclusively fantasy and sci-fi), holiday locations, food etc. We also each have hobbies and interests which the other isn't interested in. I find it a bit odd that so many people still seem to divide things into 'blokey' interests and 'girly' interests. Seems very old-fashioned and stereotyped!

that you like motorbikes and Lord of the Rings films, to show everybody how special you are

You realise it's perfectly normal, not 'special' for women to like these things, right?

@Iamthewombat as @Fairislefandango just commented, it’s absolutely not special for women to like those things, I know far more females who love LOTR than males tbf. And as @Miss03852 said, you must be an absolute nightmare in real life, do you usually gatekeep other peoples comments in conversation, and tell them what they can and can’t divulge about themselves? You “laughed” at me for hijacking a thread? Oh my days, how will I ever recover. So not only is one sentence “banging on” it’s also “hijacking” the whole thread.

We have loads in common.

Both love:
art exhibitions
live music (very wide range of tastes from indie to classical)
alternative comedy
theatre (similar taste in what we want to see)
hiking
literature
cooking
family - both enjoy being parents and having fun as a family

We share broadly similar political views, views on child-rearing, gender politics (he does a lot of cooking and clearing up, I earn more.)

Similar eccentric sense of humour

We don't have to much in common, we don't like the same music, hobbies etc. however we do like to have a drink together, both foodies but the thing that I think makes us is we both have the same morals and we love each other enough to accept what they like and what they want to do

We both are similar age( within 18 mths), both share humour, music taste. Personality wise I’m more outgoing and more reactive. He calms me and makes me a better person. He’s more sporty but we both love walking, enjoy a drink together and cooking, eating out.

We are both into going on adventures, whether that is a holiday, camping trip, or our favourite, a road trip where we camp in the van. We love our pets. We love music. One major difference is I love going out and he doesn’t, but he does try.

Thanks to the Ian The Womble person, I re-read the OP question. I fired from the hip when I blindly answered the question in the title (that is 'What do you actually have in common with your partner?') when perhaps I should have read the main body underneath a bit more. It seems to be saying 'From their self-penned descriptions, all the men I see (on some kind of dating app?) seem to be boring twats. Oh dear.' Well, girl, maybe you should trust your gut feeling on this? Genuinely interesting, wonderful, lovely, kind, like-minded people are really really rare. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news!

Fuck all. At a push some shared sense of humour.

But we understand each other and support each other at different times.

I think work fills a huge gap for me that I worry I will not be able to fill with DP when we retire. But day to day we get on really well.

Same values / politics; very very similar sense of humour; broad overlap in musical tastes; enjoy lots of the same films and TV (including LOTR 😄); shared love of animals; enjoy the same type of holidays (city breaks); support/follow many of the same sports and teams. We have differences too, which give us other things to talk about and means we're not completely joined at the hip.

Was gonna say, "if I were single, I'd ask for this man's number..." I like doing all those things!

Sense of humour!

Both of our interests are different, but we meet somewhere in the middle. I take an interest in his and he does in mine.

Family is important to both of us, so I guess that's key for us as a whole.

Another one who can’t control her spite. Have a care for your blood pressure!

I think that you should stop tagging me in your posts now. It’s a bit pathetic. Like a nine year old trying to start a scrap with a grown up.

To answer your original question, it is things like values, outlook on life, attitudes that I have in common with dh. Not things like watching the same sorts of films. We've been together over 30 years and do loads separately. Some of the things we do together are things we've started doing long after we met.

If interests in the same thing is important to you, then rather than spending time on-line trying to meet people, would you not be better going along to things to do with whatever your interests are, and then meeting real live people who share those interests ?

@Iamthewombat think all you want, but if you keep tagging/quoting me I will respond. First you come on to tell people off for their comments to OP, now you come on to tell people to stop responding to your comments. As I said earlier, control freak much.

Are you talking about yourself?! Your comment was insane, so much venom for absolutely no reason. You need help. 😫

@Iamthewombat you are making a right tit of yourself. What a weird and pointless hill to kill yourself on.

Yes you absolutely correct and that is my plan next year. I’ve spent far too many hours in my kitchen chatting back-and-forth to people who actually have no intention of meeting me in real life and just wanted to get some sort of sexual kick out of chatting utter shit to me when their wife is probably sat next to them..

@Angeldelight81 I’ve spent far too many hours in my kitchen chatting back-and-forth to people who actually have no intention of meeting me in real life and just wanted to get some sort of sexual kick out of chatting utter shit to me when their wife is probably sat next to them..

You get a lot of that on OLD unfortunately.

If they haven't made a date in couple of calls just delete them.

If they start to make inappropriate comments shut them down.

If they have no interests you like the sound of, just move on.

That's why hobbies/interest groups are useful, as at least you know you'll have one interest in common with the people there.

I like sewing and knitting and my taste in books and films is quite ‘female’, yes I know that’s a sweeping generalisation and of course some men etc etc. Anyway, I am very aware that my hobbies might not be of interest to some men so when I was dating I tried to list and talk about the things I liked doing which had wider appeal. So many man would list eg. Fishing and Cars and only have conversation about those things. An inability to show interest in other people and different activities when dating is a bit of a red flag imo.

Relationships are the same. I don’t think you have to have lots of things in common for a relationship to thrive but you do have to be flexible and interested in each other. Mainly, shared values is the most important thing.