Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you actually have in common with your partner?

123 replies

Angeldelight81 · 26/12/2022 22:19

I’m new to dating at the moment, and whenever they describe their interests to me I couldn’t be less interested if I tried. Just as an example, one guy likes riding his motorbike, visiting the pub with his friends, watching Lord of the Ring type movies and you know when you just think what female on this planet does that ?

Do other women just nod and agree with it so that these guys will go out with them ?

another described all of his free time as being taken up with his daughters, which is great yeah good, but he can’t seriously think that something that’s of interest to me ? Or any other non related women.

OP posts:
CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:37

I’m a female who rides a motorbike, likes the pub and LOTR 😂

Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 26/12/2022 22:38

CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:37

I’m a female who rides a motorbike, likes the pub and LOTR 😂

Well, if you’re single, the OP has a great date they can set up for you!

Original poster
Angeldelight81 · 26/12/2022 22:40

CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:37

I’m a female who rides a motorbike, likes the pub and LOTR 😂

Honestly, I’ll send you a link to his profile

OP posts:
Boooooot · 26/12/2022 22:40

CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:37

I’m a female who rides a motorbike, likes the pub and LOTR 😂

I was about to say the same thing! Not sure why that’s “blokey”

Me and my husband have everything in common. We’re best friends.

AnnaMagnani · 26/12/2022 22:41

We met each other due to having interests in common. So we spend a lot of time talking about our interests, want to do the same sort of things on holiday, watch the same sorts of TV - more or less. I could have lived without the World Cup.

More widely - similar attitude to money, similar views on relationships and marriage, similar politics.

However we are also not in each others pockets. He'll spend the day gaming while I spend it sewing. Neither of us are going to learn about those hobbies from each other.

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2022 22:42

Politics, religion, work ethic, current affairs, work ethic.

After nearly 35 years, two children, interwoven lives, bereavements, joys.

Gardening, our home, our friends, France.

He's naturally sporty, I'm not. He's a music buff, I'm not (but we go to the opera, concerts together). I am more visual. I like modern art, he likes Constable. I like cooking, he likes eating. I am more extrovert.

We clicked the first time we met.

AnnieSnap · 26/12/2022 22:43

I believe that common values are the most important. We are both on the left of politics and not religious. I don’t think I could have a happy, long term relationship with someone who I wasn’t on the same wavelength on these issues. We also share;
a strong interest in current affairs, politics and Science
he’s triggered my interest in physics and chemistry
I’ve triggered his interest in psychology and sociology
being anti-monarchy
love animals and nature
love travel, but hate being too hot, so no conflict over lying in the sun
He’s come to like TV crime dramas, so we watch those together
We mostly have different taste in music and films. I love to read and he prefers to do crosswords.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 26/12/2022 22:43

My husband likes -
Sci-Fi
Motorbikes
cars
60s and 70s music

I don't like any of those things. We've been married for 42 years - because we share the same sense of humour, the same values, lack of religion, our sons of course, and we understand each other

MadameDe · 26/12/2022 22:44

Been with my man a year and the answer is not much to be honest. I enjoy long runs, reading and chilling with my dog.

He loves watching movies and working.

I think part of the issue is that he hasn't had anyone to do stuff with as he works really long hours. We bond over our love of food and ancient history. To be honest, he's the only man I've ever been able to be my true self with. If we disagree, we just agree to disagree.

ladygindiva · 26/12/2022 22:44

I like motorbikes, pubs and lord of the rings . I'm a lady.

CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:45

I already have my fellow motorcycle riding DP, just wanted to say there are some of us lasses who do have those interests. Apart from the motorbike thing, we like a lot of the same music, same taste in films, but also have totally diff hobbies as well. I’m very creative, love anything art and craft, visiting galleries, museums etc, that is his idea of hell. He loves football, well, all sports really, I hate them. Someone will come along who fits your puzzle pieces OP!

Purplecatshopaholic · 26/12/2022 22:47

Similar sense of humour for sure - we find the same stupid things hilarious. Similar values, similar views on the world and current affairs, and similar politics.

Iamthewombat · 26/12/2022 22:49

For everyone leaping into the thread to announce that they love motorbikes and Lord of the Rings etc., the point the OP was making is that very few women have those things as their main interests so it’s rather tone deaf of the men she is meeting to bore on about them at great length. Particularly if they are hoping to attract the ladies. The OP didn’t say that women shouldn’t like those things.

xfan · 26/12/2022 22:50

Doesn't anyone have shared sed drives? Or is that too uncouth to mention?

Weatherwax13 · 26/12/2022 22:50

The more I think about it, DH and I have virtually nothing in common. Even the Big Things like politics.
I do think our relationship is mostly down to pheromones. We must be very primitive!
We absolutely irritate the fuck out of each other sometimes but there's some mutual pull. And we've been together 25 years.
A state of mutual tolerance!
We knew each other through friendship initially and we made each other crack up laughing all the time. Still do. I honestly think if we'd been dating we'd have read each other's profiles and said Next!

Summer2424 · 26/12/2022 22:52

Hi @Angeldelight81
I don't have anything in common with my DH lol, he likes marvel movies i don't, i'm a veggie he's not, he likes travelling i don't, the list is quite long 😁

Goatbilly · 26/12/2022 22:53

*sex

HannahDefoesTrenchcoat · 26/12/2022 22:53

Hmmm we have sort of similar politics but not the same, we both like walking and, um that’s it.
we don’t have similar hobbies or interests. We don’t like same music, TV, books, films or theatre. We don’t like same sports, either watching or doing. We don’t have many shared friends. We don’t share same taste in houses or car or clothes.
We don’t like same holidays….

We do like each other though. Been together a long time and there is still a bloody spark even when he’s annoying me.

MickeyMouseShithouse · 26/12/2022 22:54

Not an awful lot when we first met, he was and still us into cars. I was into being social and shopping.

9 years later, he’s still into cars; we go to the annual rally, we attend events when they’re on and I occasionally ask him how he’s getting on with building his own car.

We didn’t have the same taste in movies, but I’ve really got into Marvel over the last few years and it’s something we enjoy together.

I love cooking and good food; he loved beige - now he loves home cooked food from scratch and even has a go cooking for me sometimes but as it’s my hobby I’m glad I wear the trousers in the kitchen 😂

We weren’t even on the same page when we first met. He knew he wanted kids, a house ect. I had commitment issues and was absolutely adamant I didn’t want children. After a while together and realising this is the person I want to share my life with my attitude completely changed and we now have two children, brought of first home several years ago, sold that and moved into our family home in the summer; both have good careers and share the same goals.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 22:54

We find each other funny and we enjoy hanging out with each other. We work in the same industry (doing different jobs), so we talk about that and the news in general, and life in general.

But we have fuck all else of interests in common.

Original poster
Angeldelight81 · 26/12/2022 22:58

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but then how the hell am I meant to have a conversation with them ?

I just read back through the conversation with the last poor chap. And literally, he asked me what I was doing this evening, and that’s the last question that he put to me. 😳

OP posts:
CockSpadget · 26/12/2022 22:58

Iamthewombat · 26/12/2022 22:49

For everyone leaping into the thread to announce that they love motorbikes and Lord of the Rings etc., the point the OP was making is that very few women have those things as their main interests so it’s rather tone deaf of the men she is meeting to bore on about them at great length. Particularly if they are hoping to attract the ladies. The OP didn’t say that women shouldn’t like those things.

Maybe we are just answering the question OP posed about what kind of female has those interests.

Ijuststoodonlego · 26/12/2022 22:59

We laugh at the same things, like exercise, on same financial page, some musical taste overlap (90s music), both come from dysfunctional homes and neither of us can handle our drink. Not in common: country we are from, degrees we did, different job areas, food tastes.

Soapyghost · 26/12/2022 23:01

Well what interests do you have OP? What things do you think a man should be talking about or interested in to woo you? For everything you eyeroll at, there will be someone out there who does like that kind of thing. So keep trying till you do find a bloke who has the same interests.

DH and I have always enjoyed films together. First one we saw together was funny enough Lord of the Rings! We like walking, similar kind of foods and gaming albeit different types of games. But every one is different. There are plenty of things MNers would love in a man that I would hate.

CorrodedCoffin · 26/12/2022 23:02

I think it’s hard trying to bullet point your personality online - you’re always going to miss stuff or struggle to know whether to be brutally honest or enticing.

Things my bf and I have in common :

    • Tea is our life blood
  • We’re both pretty introverted and like having time alone or just sitting in each others company getting on with our own things
  • We both like to draw
  • We both like singing random silly songs as we go about the house
  • We can both be quite messy (not necessarily a good thing)
  • Similar taste in music/films etc

We have a bunch of similarities and differences, that keep things entertaining. Like I said, it’s hard to know which bits to shout about on dating app’s (I probably wouldn’t have thought to list any of the things I just put above), but sometimes you’ve just got to give people a chance to find out the more obscure things you have in common.

Also had to add that yes, girls do in fact enjoy watching Lord of The Rings.