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Original poster

What do you actually have in common with your partner?

123 replies

Angeldelight81 · 26/12/2022 22:19

I’m new to dating at the moment, and whenever they describe their interests to me I couldn’t be less interested if I tried. Just as an example, one guy likes riding his motorbike, visiting the pub with his friends, watching Lord of the Ring type movies and you know when you just think what female on this planet does that ?

Do other women just nod and agree with it so that these guys will go out with them ?

another described all of his free time as being taken up with his daughters, which is great yeah good, but he can’t seriously think that something that’s of interest to me ? Or any other non related women.

OP posts:
Tintackedsea · 27/12/2022 10:05

I met my Dh online nearly 15 years ago. In his profile he wrote that he preferred sledging down snowy hills (and running back up to do it all over again) to skiing. Pretty much decided me he was my kind of person!

Original poster
Angeldelight81 · 27/12/2022 11:00

I just had one unmatch me because I own a cat
🤣😭

OP posts:
PostChristmasPeace · 27/12/2022 11:08

I have a few friends who met their partners through motorbikes so there are a lot of women who do that!

I met my boyfriend because we both played in the same band. We each have other bands we play in too.

Things we have in common - music, horror films, going to the pub, being in the countryside, nature, cooking, camping, live music/gigs/festivals. Those are all things we both enjoyed doing before we got together.

We both have our own interests too.

For me, interests need to be ccompatible if not the same.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 27/12/2022 11:32

Angeldelight81 · 27/12/2022 11:00

I just had one unmatch me because I own a cat
🤣😭

Probably a cat lover then... you don't own your cat, your lord and master cat owns you! You're not compatible and it was sensible of them. 🤣

IncompleteSenten · 27/12/2022 12:00

Iamthewombat · 26/12/2022 22:49

For everyone leaping into the thread to announce that they love motorbikes and Lord of the Rings etc., the point the OP was making is that very few women have those things as their main interests so it’s rather tone deaf of the men she is meeting to bore on about them at great length. Particularly if they are hoping to attract the ladies. The OP didn’t say that women shouldn’t like those things.

No, but she did ask "Just as an example, one guy likes riding his motorbike, visiting the pub with his friends, watching Lord of the Ring type movies and you know when you just think what female on this planet does that ?
Do other women just nod and agree with it so that these guys will go out with them ?

And so people are answering her.

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2022 12:11

As I note upthread, she was clearly joking with the ‘’what woman on the planet’ stuff: the OP’s tone has been ligh hearted throughout. The point of the OP’s thread is not to count the number of Mumsnet users whose favourite things are motorbikes, Lord of the Rings films and going to the pub. But as ever people read selectively and think, “now’s my chance to talk about myself and ignore the purpose of the thread!”

bunpot · 27/12/2022 12:12

Values, sense of humour, music. We've picked up other hobbies since we've been together

Hibernatalie · 27/12/2022 12:22

Sense of humour is very similar and we laugh a lot. We also have very similar core values and political beliefs. Music, film, art, hobbies - all very different. We like enough of the same films and TV shows to be able to enjoy plenty together, but also a lot separately. We also both love reading but our tastes in books are different. We want the same things out of life.

DrivingHome4Xmas321 · 27/12/2022 12:57

We both have motorbikes
We have a motor home
We love travelling & have been to the Hobbiton film set in New Zealand

We have a similar sense of humour & values

I like reading, he likes films

We both like making things or fixing things

We both like animals, but we don't own any

I am more sporty & we share a couple of sports hobbies together. I do one sport alone.

We plan things to do on our days off work on the spur of the moment or pre planned

We didn't argue during the covid lock down

We work hard & play hard

We are a good team together.

bingobanjo · 27/12/2022 13:15

We have very similar perspectives and senses of humour so we really just talk about anything and agree about the majority, actually really interesting to me when we find something we disagree about!

Both love comedy so watch a lot of sitcoms and films together. Both interested in celebrities, internet culture, society, gossiping about people we know, relationships, feminism, etc so those are common topics of conversation.

His interests are quite ‘masculine’ (comic books, wrestling) although his best friend who he shares all of those with is actually a woman 😁That’s what friends are for, it doesn’t matter that I couldn’t give a shit about those things. I think it’s a good thing to have separate interests or you can end up in a bit of a bubble.

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 13:16

Politically we agree on everything.

Have no hobbies or interests in common though.

ifoundthebread · 27/12/2022 13:21

I actually think me and my dp have mutual hates rather than likes 😂 we both hate crowded spaces, offset steps, children screeching, people who shout "its okay hes friendly" when their out of control dog bounds towards our reactive on leash and muzzled dog, the list goes on.

Although we do have some things in common like watching shit shark films - only film/tv choice in common. Same parenting goals. Same sense of humour most of the time. We are both quite laid back and go with what ever happens.

SaintLoy · 27/12/2022 13:25

We both like cinema, reading, languages, travel, cats, American Horror Story (esp, Ryan Peters and Sarah Paulson), off-colour jokes, Miró, Matisse, and the Pre-Raphaelites. We both voted Remain. Both in the Labour Party. DP is vegetarian, I'm not.

MardyMincepie · 27/12/2022 13:42

We both like hill walking and cycling and were both hockey players when young. DH likes two types of humour, one isn’t my thing but the other is shared and harsh. Politically we don’t agree on everything. We like talking about current affairs and trying to destroy each other when playing board games. He beat me in the family quiz we had last night so I am plotting revenge, scrabble is a bloodbath.

Both like visiting battlefields and history, especially of conflicts. He is an expert marksman and good at sniping, targets only not living things, I was decent enough at archery. We both game as well.

When we met in our late twenties we discovered we had both started to play the stock exchange as teenagers. We are the sort of people who will darn socks and use a flask with a broken lid but have already bought a bottle of champagne and loads of nice nibbles for our friends NYE get together. So we are both tight and generous at the same time.

Both very practical. DS says we are like a pair of old slippers, one the left and one the right and that even though we are weird we make a complete human and that when one of us dies the other will be shit without the other half, I fear he is correct.

Whichwhatnow · 27/12/2022 13:54

Broadly aligned on the major ones (in my eyes!) - politics, sense of humour and music (incl. loving gigs and festivals). Also both love eating out and trying new foods.

Have a lot of similarities in things we find interesting - exploring old ruins/battlefields/castles/graveyards etc, history generally, true crime documentaries, getting off the beaten track a bit when it comes to holidays etc.

Can't say that the world of professional wrestling sets my world alight and he's definitely less into hill walking/trekking/outdoors pursuits than me, but we have enough in common that we're both comfortable with just letting the other one get on with their 'thing' (and sometimes even feigning some interest in it 😆)

Whichwhatnow · 27/12/2022 13:57

@bingobanjo haha my DH is the same, two of his closest friends are women, one who loves wrestling and one who loves comic cons and anime and all that stuff. Sometimes I join in if I fancy it, often I don't and just get on with my own thing. Reckon that's healthy!

MyMachineAndMe · 27/12/2022 14:04

Dh and I don't really share hobbies and interests but we do have a similar sense of humour and the same political opinions. We're both lazy and neither of us are very ambitious.

SnackyOnassis · 27/12/2022 14:07

Ah OP, I'm a bit excited for you! You're going to find someone who fits you just right, and you'll grow together - you'll develop an interest in his interests, and he'll do the same with yours, and all the online dating will be a fun anecdote you'll tell together someday.
I met my OH online dating and I can completely agree with the PPs who've said that the fundamentals are the important parts - ethics, values, outlook. Everything else changes or evolves over time - looks, hobbies, surface level politics etc, but your fundamental concepts of what's right and wrong have got to be aligned. And I know it's negative (and I am generally a very positive and optimistic person!) but for me it really helps to know what you absolutely HATE and for the other person to hate it too!
We met during 2016 when Brexit and Trump's election were both major topics of conversation and we were both on the same wavelength about those issues, which was indicative of our ethical leanings.
Mutual loathing is as good as mutual interests sometimes!
Good luck and have fun with it!!

CockSpadget · 27/12/2022 14:46

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2022 12:11

As I note upthread, she was clearly joking with the ‘’what woman on the planet’ stuff: the OP’s tone has been ligh hearted throughout. The point of the OP’s thread is not to count the number of Mumsnet users whose favourite things are motorbikes, Lord of the Rings films and going to the pub. But as ever people read selectively and think, “now’s my chance to talk about myself and ignore the purpose of the thread!”

You still banging on 😂. The OP literally asked people to talk about themselves.

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2022 17:51

Try reading the last sentence again. Then think really hard. Has the answer revealed itself to you yet?

crimsonpeak · 27/12/2022 17:58

Same politics, values, approach to parenting, same wishes and dreams for our children. We love different things but together we like going abroad, eating out, similar music.

Ilovelurchers · 27/12/2022 18:07

Well, mainly back then we both loved sex and drinking! (We don't do the latter any more thankfully or we would both be dead - still do plenty of the former).

That's not quite fair - we are both interested in books - that's one of the first things we discussed. And we both like films and music I guess (I mean, most people like these things surely....)

Some mutual interests we discovered much later - like we have a dog together for example, we are interested in him. We like the same sports on TV but that didn't come up till much later down the line. And I like going on the back of his motorbike which was something I had never done before I met him....

I wouldn't get overly anxious about having interests in common - that can grow. I think similar values and a similar sense of humour and approach to life are much more important .....

CockSpadget · 27/12/2022 18:08

@Iamthewombat we did also answer the OPs question. Yes, the thread was lighthearted, until you came on and decided to gatekeep peoples comments and admonish them for daring to add that they liked bikes. Who put you in charge of deciding how people can answer on a public forum? Accusing people of banging on about themselves when they literally put one sentence. Control freak much?

Namechange192727171 · 27/12/2022 18:11

For us it was gaming, we're both big xbox players. Also comedy, Bill Hicks, George Carlin etc.
Also similar values etc.

Iamthewombat · 27/12/2022 18:15

CockSpadget · 27/12/2022 18:08

@Iamthewombat we did also answer the OPs question. Yes, the thread was lighthearted, until you came on and decided to gatekeep peoples comments and admonish them for daring to add that they liked bikes. Who put you in charge of deciding how people can answer on a public forum? Accusing people of banging on about themselves when they literally put one sentence. Control freak much?

Now, now. Try to hold back the bile. It’s not good for you to get too worked up. You’re outraged because a stranger on an anonymous Internet forum laughed at you for hijacking a thread to announce that you like motorbikes and Lord of the Rings films, to show everybody how special you are.

What must you be like in real life?