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Original poster

More OLD batshittery

97 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:40

Chatting to a guy and video called . All going well. Arranged to meet at a pub halfway. The day before he messaged to say he was looking forward to it. Arranged the time (tea time ish) he said shall we meet in the car park and I said no , whoever is first go in and grab a table as it was during the chilly snap. He asked if I was ok with that. I said that was fine with me and I don't mind being by myself waiting for a person and told him a recent funny story whereby me and my friend had both turned up a bit early for our meeting at a local coffee shop in order to get a bit of reading time/quiet before the other one arrived. The day for the meeting came and he said he didn't want to meet as it put him off that I didn't want to wait outside for him.
WTF ???
I'm not upset at not meeting- bullet dodged but I'm more aghast at this level of old fashioned attitude. Also, OLD means you often have to meet in halfway places which means you can sometimes be early or late so I would have thought the ability to entertain yourself would be a positive.
What. Is. Wrong. With. Middle. Aged. Men. On. Dating. Apps?

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:40

Ooh don't know why all those full stops are there. Ignore!

OP posts:
EL8888 · 20/12/2022 16:42

It shouldn’t be this hard! I don’t understand the issue with not wanting to meet outside. Odd, rude and old fashioned connotations. None of which sound great

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 20/12/2022 16:44

lol - with that attitude he SHOULD have been driving to your house and picking you up at the door!!! What the hell was he thinking!

Endofdaysarehere · 20/12/2022 16:45

I thought the full stops added to the feeling of exasperation in your OP.

People are weird. Men are weird. Middle aged men are proper weird.

My DSis won’t go into a pub to wait either. She would rather freeze her ass off outside than be a single women in a bar. No idea why.

Better luck next time OP.

JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 16:45

Has he just worded it incredibly poorly and really mean he isn't comfortable sitting inside waiting by himself because he might feel self conscious say alone if you're really late?

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 20/12/2022 16:45

My mum is the kind of woman who couldn't go into a pub by herself - but she'd be even less ok with standing in the cold outside the pub.

JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 16:46

Sat not say

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 20/12/2022 16:46

Have you actually met up in person before? If not maybe he wanted to spy on you from his car before deciding if he was going to turn up!

craigth162 · 20/12/2022 16:47

Yep im trying OLD just now and not having much luck. Seriously wondering whats up with me. I think im a decent person but ghe guys who are interested are awful (think dick pics) and the ones who seem nice arent interested.

Dontsayyouloveme · 20/12/2022 16:49

Oh I know how painful it is alright! I’m losing the will…. Yet again… 😬

What did you reply OP?

Talon01 · 20/12/2022 16:53

Struggling to understand this one.

Women do have a tendency to be late for dates so maybe he didn't like the idea of being stuck in the pub for half hour beforehand but even so if you were late he'd still be waiting 🤷‍♂️

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 20/12/2022 16:55

By meeting outside, did he want to make certain you'd show up?
Maybe he thought you'd bail and he'd end up having a drink alone.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:55

JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 16:45

Has he just worded it incredibly poorly and really mean he isn't comfortable sitting inside waiting by himself because he might feel self conscious say alone if you're really late?

Mmm possibly but he could have said that instead of cancelling

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:56

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 20/12/2022 16:46

Have you actually met up in person before? If not maybe he wanted to spy on you from his car before deciding if he was going to turn up!

Maybe but we had a video call where I moved around, he saw me walking about etc

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:57

Talon01 · 20/12/2022 16:53

Struggling to understand this one.

Women do have a tendency to be late for dates so maybe he didn't like the idea of being stuck in the pub for half hour beforehand but even so if you were late he'd still be waiting 🤷‍♂️

I don't. I have a tendency to be early and he was the type of shift worker where he may have been late

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 20/12/2022 17:01

I always met a date outside by the entrance as I don't like going in alone, men generally don't have an issue and are normally there before me. However I wouldn't meet in a secluded car park as I'd feel vulnerable. No one has turned me down because I wouldn't go in a pub first though so maybe it's just a feeble excuse as he's changed his mind.

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 17:11

I'm also OLD and it bonkers. Had a raunchy date on sat night and since then the guy has turned into a horny 16yr old boy. All this 'are you horny baby?' In the middle of the working day. Erm, no actually, I'm in a meeting with my boss. And lovely as she is she's not doing it for me. Neither are those kinds of messages. He went in a huff when I said that to him and I've not heard from him since. Not a loss.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 17:44

minticecreamisjustok · 20/12/2022 17:01

I always met a date outside by the entrance as I don't like going in alone, men generally don't have an issue and are normally there before me. However I wouldn't meet in a secluded car park as I'd feel vulnerable. No one has turned me down because I wouldn't go in a pub first though so maybe it's just a feeble excuse as he's changed his mind.

Hhmmm could be but it would be a total 180

OP posts:
Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 17:46

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 17:11

I'm also OLD and it bonkers. Had a raunchy date on sat night and since then the guy has turned into a horny 16yr old boy. All this 'are you horny baby?' In the middle of the working day. Erm, no actually, I'm in a meeting with my boss. And lovely as she is she's not doing it for me. Neither are those kinds of messages. He went in a huff when I said that to him and I've not heard from him since. Not a loss.

It is bonkers. All the 'hi honey, call you later beautiful'
I reply now with 'ok beautiful'
They are literally men who I have never even met. Just talk like a normal human being ffs

OP posts:
Aquasulis · 20/12/2022 17:48

minticecreamisjustok · 20/12/2022 17:01

I always met a date outside by the entrance as I don't like going in alone, men generally don't have an issue and are normally there before me. However I wouldn't meet in a secluded car park as I'd feel vulnerable. No one has turned me down because I wouldn't go in a pub first though so maybe it's just a feeble excuse as he's changed his mind.

This I wouldn’t want them to meet me in a dark car park or identify my car. Meet inside and be early for them

surlycurly · 20/12/2022 17:52

It's the weird false intimacy and then the complete volte face. And the huffing it ghosting if you have the cheek to point anything out. They can be as teenage as you like but you're a stick in the mud if you don't want to deal with it.

I'm not sure why we bother.

NoNoKimono · 20/12/2022 17:56

I don't OLD, but the middle-aged men where I live are deeply insecure. Any whiff that you've travelled (by which I mean got a train alone), had a hobby or career, and they're off

Fuwari · 20/12/2022 17:56

the guy has turned into a horny 16yr old boy

God yeah I hated this about OLD. Me "I'm cleaning the bathroom" them "are you horny?". It really got on my nerves. Weirdly enough I am not horny 24 hours a day! Maybe that makes me weird? I don't have the time or patience for it.

I'm really not a prude but some of the things that were said to me were just disgusting. I feel the word "grim" is overused on MN but it really was!

As you say OP, you dodged a bullet. I'd be more concerned that he wanted to meet you in a dark (perhaps deserted?) Car park. Does he not watch the news?

Watchkeys · 20/12/2022 17:58

People are strange. When you're not shocked and aghast about it, it makes life much easier.

Jefferz54 · 20/12/2022 18:04

Maybe he has social anxiety and didn't want to go in alone

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