More OLD batshittery

[crochetmonkey74]

Chatting to a guy and video called . All going well. Arranged to meet at a pub halfway. The day before he messaged to say he was looking forward to it. Arranged the time (tea time ish) he said shall we meet in the car park and I said no , whoever is first go in and grab a table as it was during the chilly snap. He asked if I was ok with that. I said that was fine with me and I don't mind being by myself waiting for a person and told him a recent funny story whereby me and my friend had both turned up a bit early for our meeting at a local coffee shop in order to get a bit of reading time/quiet before the other one arrived. The day for the meeting came and he said he didn't want to meet as it put him off that I didn't want to wait outside for him.
WTF ???
I'm not upset at not meeting- bullet dodged but I'm more aghast at this level of old fashioned attitude. Also, OLD means you often have to meet in halfway places which means you can sometimes be early or late so I would have thought the ability to entertain yourself would be a positive.
What. Is. Wrong. With. Middle. Aged. Men. On. Dating. Apps?

He thinks that - woman comfortable walking into a pub on her own = prostitute

For some very traditional and insecure men, your being willing to sit alone in a pub is tantamount to saying you're promiscuous

At 5pm? In a family type chain pub?

Good Lord

I have a strong suspicion that a small minority of them think this way, alas.

If I'd known that I ouls have made a bit of money for Christmas.

A very niche market for the grumpy menopausal girlfriend experience 😀

Definitely bullet dodged. I'd find it very creepy and unsettling if a man felt so strongly about wanting to meet me in a car park. 😳

Where I live has a mix of traditional and insular people, plus an influx from the big city. It makes for some very mismatched expectations of life.

@Talon01 "women have a tendency to be late for dates"

nice bit of sexism there, completely untrue and a generalisation.

I'd be pissed off at the thought that he wanted me to hang around for him outside when it's subzero, rather than in the warm.

He'd like my friend, she's only 40 but she'd never dare go into a pub on her own.

Ditto!

I've noticed a high correlation between those men who insist on 'old school' gentlemanly behaviour (such as meeting you outside) that actually makes no sense and controlling behaviour in the relationship.

So definitely bullet dodged.

Nothing to do with the details...the point is in not obeying his wish and having your own opinion he saw you couldn't be controlled. So he's onto find someone who will follow his word unquestionably.

Yeah, I was going to say this too.

I've known men like this.

They're put off by your independence.

I mean, if you're the 'sort of woman' who walks into a pub on her own to wait for a man, what other crazy ideas might you have?

By offering to meet in side , you've shown him that you are one of 'those women' who will happily step into the world of men and has not been properly educated on what is 'your place'.

Was he an older man? I think the people suggesting he had an issue with you being willing to sit in a pub alone were probably right, sadly.

What is your age range for OLD?

Have you considered dating younger men who might have fewer hang ups?

Indeed. OMG, a woman confident enough to walk into a pub by herself?? and order a drink?? possibly even one without a straw and a cherry and a cute little umbrella?? 😅

I've found those sorts of men also really dislike it if you order... beer... once in a pub too 🤣

I've known my ex husband since we were at school. The first time we went to a pub together, I asked for beer. He refused to buy me one. I insisted and he finally.conceedwd on the grounds I could only drink halves.

If only I'd realised what a red flag that was instead of eye rolling and thinking "silly boy'!

It's not sexist. It's true 🤷‍♂️😅

That’s ridiculous. I’m a woman (adult human female) and I’m extremely punctual. Your comment is a massive generalisation based on what I’ve no idea.

Bullet dodged

If it were me though, I’d push back just to ask him why this is out of curiosity. That’s just me, I’d be dying to know the thought process behind such a weird thing.
(if you do please tell us what he says!)

I would automatically assume (in the absence of any explanation) that he is intimidated by a confident woman.
I went on a date once where we did walk in together, but when I headed to the bar, he insisted he seat me at a table before HE bought the drinks. As an independent woman it was the weirdest thing ever. The vibe was that he wanted to be in control. I mean, god forbid I stand at the bar because I want to.

Woman not wanting to sit on her own in a pub, apparently fine

man not wanting to sit on his own in a pub, must be a weird power play

Man wanting to sit in pub alone, apparently fine.

Woman wanting to sit in a pub alone, man runs away like a scared baby

This isn't what happened. If he said "I don't like going in so I'll wait in car park if I get there first" fine
But he said he was put off that I could go in.
Not fine.

It doesnt matter if he has social anxiety or whatever, the OP doesnt feel comfortable meeting him in a potentially freezing cold, somewhat deserted spot with noone else around- he should respect that FFS. All OLD websites advise you should meet for the first time in a public place where you feel safe, if he refuses to accommodate that, its really rather disturbing and I would question his true motives.