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More OLD batshittery

97 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 16:40

Chatting to a guy and video called . All going well. Arranged to meet at a pub halfway. The day before he messaged to say he was looking forward to it. Arranged the time (tea time ish) he said shall we meet in the car park and I said no , whoever is first go in and grab a table as it was during the chilly snap. He asked if I was ok with that. I said that was fine with me and I don't mind being by myself waiting for a person and told him a recent funny story whereby me and my friend had both turned up a bit early for our meeting at a local coffee shop in order to get a bit of reading time/quiet before the other one arrived. The day for the meeting came and he said he didn't want to meet as it put him off that I didn't want to wait outside for him.
WTF ???
I'm not upset at not meeting- bullet dodged but I'm more aghast at this level of old fashioned attitude. Also, OLD means you often have to meet in halfway places which means you can sometimes be early or late so I would have thought the ability to entertain yourself would be a positive.
What. Is. Wrong. With. Middle. Aged. Men. On. Dating. Apps?

OP posts:
LolaMoon · 22/12/2022 08:05

Talon01 · 21/12/2022 21:54

It's not sexist. It's true 🤷‍♂️😅

Bollocks. I'm female and I'm always early. I despise lateness.

XmasElf10 · 22/12/2022 08:13

What a crock of shit, I’m 45 and have a uterus and always show up on time (10 minute early!)

God knows what wierd thing went through his head but bullet dodged. I thought it was totally normally for women to go into pubs alone and no way I’d have sat in a cold car waiting. I’d have been tucked up in the bar with a pint and a book!

Watchkeys · 22/12/2022 08:27

crochetmonkey74 · 20/12/2022 21:19

I don't need to find it easier, I just want to share and chat about it.
I'm OK being shocked and aghast at wankery

Happy for you. Merry Christmas.

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 22/12/2022 08:34

OP, that guy was just plain weird.

Maybe he was married and didn't want to be seen inside with you? Perhaps he just wanted to whisk you off in his car somewhere?

Bullet dodged.

Next !

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 08:42

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 22/12/2022 08:34

OP, that guy was just plain weird.

Maybe he was married and didn't want to be seen inside with you? Perhaps he just wanted to whisk you off in his car somewhere?

Bullet dodged.

Next !

He told her he was "put off" by the fact she was willing to walk into a pub alone amd wait for him inside alone.

Some men really don't like women who will do that.

I can well believe there was nothing more to it than this alone.

crochetmonkey74 · 22/12/2022 08:42

Watchkeys · 22/12/2022 08:27

Happy for you. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas you lovely human ❤️

OP posts:
BlandSoup · 22/12/2022 08:43

Yeah that’s weird. He’s pissed off that you didn’t just agree to do what he said. Maybe it was some kind of subtle test to see if you’d change what you want to do for him. And you having your own idea hurt his poor ego. Thin end of the wedge with stuff like that.

underthemike · 22/12/2022 09:43

To be honest he's done you a favour.

If he can't bare the thought of a women sitting inside in the warm rather than freezing her arse off in the dark to be shown how to walk into a pub I actually can't imagine how boring his chat would be.

Probably about how his mum irons his underpants for him.

Speedweed · 22/12/2022 09:56

Move on op, he's pathetic. A grown man who can't go into a pub on his own, buy himself a drink, send you a message to say he's arrived and can he get you a drink whilst he's waiting? Puuurrrlease. That is the bare minimum of first date etiquette and every man knows it.

Although perhaps tell him he can bring his mummy with him if he's nervous?

FloydPepper · 22/12/2022 09:56

crochetmonkey74 · 22/12/2022 07:59

This isn't what happened. If he said "I don't like going in so I'll wait in car park if I get there first" fine
But he said he was put off that I could go in.
Not fine.

Ok, that’s clear and apologies for not getting that. If that was clearly stated (I don’t like it that you’re able to go in on your own) then that’s batshit, of course.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 22/12/2022 09:59

Maybe he was worried you would find someone nicer in there and he would enter with you stood with a James Bond lookalike!

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:12

I think he's pathetic to be too self conscious to sit at a table alone.

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 10:37

Why are so many talking about him being too nervous to sit in a pub on his own?

The OP has clearly stated he was put off by her willingness to walk into a pub on her own.

If you've never met a man who thinks like this then you're lucky. There are plenty of them about!

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:48

What does he think will happen if you walked into a pub alone? What does it say about a woman going into a pub alone? I don't understand. If you're pretty, you'll be chatted up everywhere and anywhere.

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 11:59

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:48

What does he think will happen if you walked into a pub alone? What does it say about a woman going into a pub alone? I don't understand. If you're pretty, you'll be chatted up everywhere and anywhere.

It means, in experience, that you have ideas above your station (as a woman).

Women are supposed to be meek. Meek women don't go into pubs alone.

Women are supposed to he subservient. Subservient women wouldn't be so bold as to walk into a pub alone.

Women are supposed to wait for a man to take control/recognise their authority. Women who goes into pubs alone don't recognise the authority of men.

Pubs are still regarded by many as a man's domain. Many people are suspicious of the morals of a woman who would go into a pub on her own.

Women are supposed to be mindful of their reputation. Women who are mindful of their reputation don't go into pubs on their own.

The stereotype is that pubs used to only be frequented by women with loose morals. Nice women wouldn't dream of going into a pub alone because of what it would say about her morals.

I've read posts on here in the past 12 months where a woman has been uncertain whether its OK for her to go into a pub on her own for lunch and a glass of wine of she's been visiting a other city for example. There are a lot of people (men and women) who still feel it inappropriate for a woman to go into a pub alone.

It can make some men feel insecure. If she is willing to go into a pub on her own, what other 'masculine' traits might she have? Might she be opinionated? Assertive? Not submit easily? Might she challenge him on poor behaviour? Might she disagree with him? Not very 'feminine' traits a lot of men still expect.

If a woman does something that steps outside the realm of 'women', they have 'othered' themselves in the eyes of some men and, at that point, they are unpredictable because it means they don't follow the rules.

Women, know your place.

LolaMoon · 22/12/2022 12:03

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 11:59

It means, in experience, that you have ideas above your station (as a woman).

Women are supposed to be meek. Meek women don't go into pubs alone.

Women are supposed to he subservient. Subservient women wouldn't be so bold as to walk into a pub alone.

Women are supposed to wait for a man to take control/recognise their authority. Women who goes into pubs alone don't recognise the authority of men.

Pubs are still regarded by many as a man's domain. Many people are suspicious of the morals of a woman who would go into a pub on her own.

Women are supposed to be mindful of their reputation. Women who are mindful of their reputation don't go into pubs on their own.

The stereotype is that pubs used to only be frequented by women with loose morals. Nice women wouldn't dream of going into a pub alone because of what it would say about her morals.

I've read posts on here in the past 12 months where a woman has been uncertain whether its OK for her to go into a pub on her own for lunch and a glass of wine of she's been visiting a other city for example. There are a lot of people (men and women) who still feel it inappropriate for a woman to go into a pub alone.

It can make some men feel insecure. If she is willing to go into a pub on her own, what other 'masculine' traits might she have? Might she be opinionated? Assertive? Not submit easily? Might she challenge him on poor behaviour? Might she disagree with him? Not very 'feminine' traits a lot of men still expect.

If a woman does something that steps outside the realm of 'women', they have 'othered' themselves in the eyes of some men and, at that point, they are unpredictable because it means they don't follow the rules.

Women, know your place.

NAILED IT. Exactly this. Its all about men wanting control.

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 12:07

@GreyCarpet Gosh. Thank you for the breakdown. I feel angry just reading it.
It actually brought back comments when I was in a pub about seventeen years ago and a group of men maybe 5 to 10 years older than me back then laughed and said to each other oh she drinks pintw, too!! in relation to seeing me take a first sip of my pint at the bar before I went to my table.

I remember a female presenter on Loose Women said years ago that she only has halves because they look girly or more feminine in a woman's hands than a pint. I just hadn't thought of this until your post so thank you.

astronewt · 22/12/2022 12:12

I go to a pub on my own every single Monday night. Where I promptly order a pint. And sit down and write computer code. And my hair... well, let's just say that the last time I had it cut, my hairdresser told me that I should book under "bespoke barbering" instead of "ladies haircut" next time, as it's slightly cheaper 😁

I'm now enjoying the thought of how fast and far this loser would have to run from me...

NoNoKimono · 22/12/2022 12:41

Yes this mindset is alive and well. If you have travelled, had a career, bought your own home, you will be regarded as controversial by many chaps. Even if your personality is quite mild-mannered. It is important to remember that many chaps will actually have had less life experience than you, especially if their early life didn't give them much confidence or opportunity.

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 12:43

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 12:07

@GreyCarpet Gosh. Thank you for the breakdown. I feel angry just reading it.
It actually brought back comments when I was in a pub about seventeen years ago and a group of men maybe 5 to 10 years older than me back then laughed and said to each other oh she drinks pintw, too!! in relation to seeing me take a first sip of my pint at the bar before I went to my table.

I remember a female presenter on Loose Women said years ago that she only has halves because they look girly or more feminine in a woman's hands than a pint. I just hadn't thought of this until your post so thank you.

I dated a man only a couple of years ago who wasn't comfortable with me going into pubs alone or ordering pints.

He used to say things like, "A gin and tonic and a pint of X for the bloke please" whilst nodding his head towards me when he ordered 😂

Fragile male egos. Great for messing with. Wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one!

Women just don't belong in pubs. Or anywhere else where men like to feel in control.

GreyCarpet · 22/12/2022 12:45

astronewt · 22/12/2022 12:12

I go to a pub on my own every single Monday night. Where I promptly order a pint. And sit down and write computer code. And my hair... well, let's just say that the last time I had it cut, my hairdresser told me that I should book under "bespoke barbering" instead of "ladies haircut" next time, as it's slightly cheaper 😁

I'm now enjoying the thought of how fast and far this loser would have to run from me...

I can sense a whole generation of inadequate men malfunctioning as we speak at the very mention of it 🤣

astronewt · 22/12/2022 12:54

Inorite? It's like I think I'm a fully formed human being who doesn't have to Perform Femininity As Weakness at all times so that men can feel better about their sad selves. What a bitch.

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