To break up with someone over lip filler?

[Loulou89x]

I know this sounds a bit mad but my brother has been in a what I thought a pretty good relationship with a lovely girl for nearly 2.5 years now. She's recently lost quite a chunk of weight, and with this has started to pay more attention if you like to other areas and has had a boob job in the summer, and more recently has had lip filler, chin filler, botox etc.
My brother the other day told me he wants to end things as he isn't attracted to her anymore and think she's got lost in it all and only wants to spend money on her appearance. I'm quite taken aback as we all thought this would be the girl he would marry. I personally haven't noticed a huge change in her, at least personality wise so quite surprised that he would throw away a relationship over this.
Has anyone else had something similar happen? What are people's on thoughts on this?

If he is unhappy he should leave. Simple.

Yup!

And other people shouldn't encourage people they care about to stick in a relationship that they want to leave.

@Byfleet I disagree - you absolutely can tell. If you know someone well and see them every day then the tweaks are noticeable. It’s not a criticism (although I don’t like the overly filled or plumped up look), but you’re being very naive to think that people don’t notice when you’ve had work done, esp if your deep lines are gone one day. I work beside a few women who have work done - very subtle (and very expensive from what I hear), but it’s easy to spot when they’ve had more work or a top up because I see them regularly. They like what they see in the mirror and that’s the main thing, but they don’t (imo) look better or younger, they look like women in their forties and fifties who have had work done.

True

There's always a person who posts a photo on lip filler threads to catch people out, asking if they can tell if they've had lip filler - to which which people say yes it's obvious they've had work, then they reveal they've never had filler. It's quite funny.

Not all women who have Botox, fillers etc feel like this, I can assure you - “women seem to think they become more attractive by having these things done to them but in reality a lot of men are attracted to natural looks.”

I’m no more attractive now than I was 30 years ago (51 now) and I still look natural… plus, I don’t have it to look ‘more attractive’, I do it because I like the effect they have on my looks by making me look less knackered/wrinkly/saggy! I don’t have it done to appeal to men.. or to look plastic.. I have it to look brighter and fresher!

SirChenjins - plus, I don’t look like I’ve had ‘work done’, I look younger than I am by about five years…

Can someone explain the difference please between vanity - which apparently is a terribly unattractive trait to most on here - and wanting to present the best version of yourself?

I blame misogyny and the patriarchy myself 🙄

I've had similar discussions a few times. Nobody has known I have - it's not to be more pouty as such, that wouldn't look right as my lips are clearly not pouty lips, but to lift the sides. Hard to explain, but as you age the mouth tends to turn down more and the filler lifts it back up and also adds a bit of volume. Thing is, people just think 'filler' as the false pout, which I agree often looks grim and almost always false.

I've had half a ml of lip filler but my dh has never noticed or my mum. I covered my bruising with make up.

The last message was in response to @rubybelles btw!

@Dontsayyouloveme it’s just another way of putting women down and feeling superior by claiming you can ‘always’ tell. When that’s simply impossible unless every person you meet is required to tell you. I’m not quite sure why that’s hard to grasp for some.

One of my friends has had a nose job, breast reduction and frequent Botox and frankly looks amazing. Confident, happy, natural and very attractive - not fake, obvious, vain or any other insulting term trotted out. If she hadn’t told me she’d had this work done, I could genuinely never have guessed.

It's interesting I was reading recently that significant weight loss by one partner significantly increases the chance of relationship breakdown.

Clearly the weight loss has initiated significant changes in how your brother's girlfriend sees herself to the point she has had significant plastic surgery and I suspect these physical changes will likely have come with behavioural changes too. I think is is quite reasonable for someone to want to leave a relationship when their partner fundamentally changes in that way.

Yes agree. I had a tiny amount for similar, ageing related, reasons. I shopped around for a good practitioner, which made all the difference.

You look younger by 5 years? I mean, that’s quite specific! I hate to tell you this, but it’s actually very hard to tell how old someone is - see the very many threads on here where posters upload photos of themselves. Most responses usually hit the correct decade - ie 5ish years either side of the poster’s actual age, which is about right.

Can you explain why you think presenting the best version of yourself equates to putting fillers or Botox in your face? That’s what people on here get frustrated with - the very narrow and artificial view of ‘the best version’

Or confident and secure enough to go for what they want and not listen to jealous "friends" who will moan about their lot but never do anything about it ....

I can assure you that I don’t feel superior or that I’m putting other women down - in the same way that I imagine those insisting you can’t tell aren’t saying that to feel superior or to put other women down.

What a silly thing to say.

I was just going to say this. I don’t think I’d want to pay for a cosmetic treatment that apparent has such little impact that even my own closest relatives don’t see any difference whatsoever. I’d feel I’d been robbed! And I know people will say ‘oh but it’s not for others it’s for me’ but it is an aesthetic treatment. If it isn’t visible why pay for it?

It’s not ‘very hard’ to tell how old someone is… give or take. Besides, I’m not interested if people think I look younger or older than I am. I do know, that if I had no desire to look after myself or present the ‘best version’ of myself.. by not living a healthy lifestyle, exercising, brush my teeth, let my grey hair grow out and not dye it etc etc, people I would imagine.. would estimate that I look older than 51. So as you can see ‘best version’ does not solely mean Botox and fillers…

My lifestyle and choices re whatever I get injected into my body is purely for my benefit and when the aesthetics procedures are done expertly.. it does means that people can’t ‘always’ tell.. and as per a previous poster asked ‘if no one notices, why bother…?’ it’s not for anyone else, it’s for me!

In relation to the op though, he wants to break up. There may be other reasons, but I think if DH suddenly started getting expensive cosmetic treatments and surgeries I’d be worried for out relationship. One of the things that brings us together is our similarities and shared views, so it would be weird if those suddenly shifted.

Well if you want everyone else to notice, you need to get plenty of Botox, I’d recommend you ask for the ‘Amanda Holden’ look, and just tell the practitioner to just keep on filling until you’re happy that you’ve had enough done for everyone to comment!

Someone I watch on youtube has massive lip filler and it's really not as attractive as if she had none or just a little bit.

If it gives him the ick, it gives him the ick.

I don’t want any Botox! But I wouldn’t pay for a cosmetic procedure to supposedly improve my appearance that had such little effect that nobody could see any difference whatsoever.

I've seen a couple split over this exact thing.
And yes, I'm with your brother.

There's a lot of very nasty sentiment on here.

Shallow.
Vain.
Desperate.

Someone can have cosmetic surgery and not be any of those things. Be less judgemental. That's far more unattractive that any cosmetic procedure.

That being said, you can leave a relationship for any reason you want. Finding fillers etc unattractive is perfectly okay.

It sounds like it has become an obsession - and a very expensive one that would impact them financially, now and in future. It’s fine for him to break up with her.

I’m happy that when I have my procedures done no one, not even my closest relative, comes up to me and says… ‘oh so you’ve had Botox here and oh some there and oh yes, you’ve had filler in your cheeks and your jaw too!’ But if they say, ‘oh you’re looking well’ then great!

The purpose of good aesthetics… is an overall subtle, with subtle being the operative word here, effect. If I can see a difference, I’m happy with that, if others can’t, because let’s face it, they don’t look at my face in the same way I do, that’s not a problem for me.