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Original poster

To break up with someone over lip filler?

110 replies

Loulou89x · 20/12/2022 16:08

I know this sounds a bit mad but my brother has been in a what I thought a pretty good relationship with a lovely girl for nearly 2.5 years now. She's recently lost quite a chunk of weight, and with this has started to pay more attention if you like to other areas and has had a boob job in the summer, and more recently has had lip filler, chin filler, botox etc.
My brother the other day told me he wants to end things as he isn't attracted to her anymore and think she's got lost in it all and only wants to spend money on her appearance. I'm quite taken aback as we all thought this would be the girl he would marry. I personally haven't noticed a huge change in her, at least personality wise so quite surprised that he would throw away a relationship over this.
Has anyone else had something similar happen? What are people's on thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Dello · 20/12/2022 17:32

I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who made multiple artificial “improvements” to themselves, especially if it got to the point of changing their face.
I would find them shallow, to value this so much. The time, expense afforded would not be something that I could get behind, they would be too different from me to be a good partner for me.

Fancylike · 20/12/2022 17:34

arethereanyleftatall · 20/12/2022 16:15

I'm with your brother. I would have no interest in the personality of someone who did those kind of treatments.

Curious, what kind of uniform personality do women who choose one or more aesthetics treatments have?

FunnyTalks · 20/12/2022 17:35

Cosmetic surgery isn't the same as looking after yourself, it's altering it in a very artificial way. I personally wouldn't find a man attractive who did this, but my attraction to men is quite "animal” and heavily influenced by looks, smell etc. Fake just doesn't stir up those feelings, probably because as far as my ovaries are concerned, those feelings are about procreation.

However as a woman I understand the pressure women like your brother's girlfriend are under and feel it too. I think in certain friendship groups women can lose sight of what's normal. I'm so sad that our insecurities are preyed upon and we pay more in time and money whilst earning less.

Sad though the situation is, I think your brother is brave to voice his fears. Far better than going into a marriage with attraction already waning.

Oher · 20/12/2022 17:39

Your brother is quite right. She’s obviously insecure, vain, gullible and has poor taste. Now that he’s seen who she really is, why on earth would he want to stay with her?

Lip filler always looks shit, just like heavily mascara’d eyebrows, or wearing 2 pairs of fake eyelashes at the same time. 🤮

CharlotteRose90 · 20/12/2022 17:41

It’s a valid reason and I’d be fully supporting him. I wouldn’t stay with a man that had numerous surgeries or procedures to change himself. You want the person you originally wanted not someone different.

Byfleet · 20/12/2022 17:42

@SirChenjins

If you know someone very well (which you will do after being intimate with someone for over 2 years) you can absolutely tell when they've had fillers and botox - it might be subtle or it might be more full on, but the differences are there for all to see. Perhaps he just wants her to look her age with a natural face, lines and all

Sorry but you can’t always tell. Only when it has been done badly or too much.

I was totally surprised when someone at work told me she had had Botox and fillers. I honestly could not tell. And I have had fillers. DH definitely has not noticed and neither has anyone else. My adult DCs would have no inhibitions in telling me if they could see it and they haven’t. Nobody has.

I am an academic in my 60s. I have never had a manicure, worn false lashes, had extensions etc etc. I don’t own any lipstick and rarely wear any make up. I wear pretty sober clothes to work and apart from that wear DMs and jeans most of the time. But I have had dermal fillers. It’s not just for Love Island air heads. It’s really very common. I have two very deep lines (really deep groves) running down from my nose. They make me look angry and miserable. With very light fillers the lines are still there (that is natural for my age) but I look happier and rested. I can afford it. I have a pretty unextravagant lifestyle otherwise (we don’t even own a car) and can afford to pay bills and support the family. I think some people should rethink their prejudices. If you dye your grey hair it’s really no different.

JamSandle · 20/12/2022 17:46

I dont find a very enhanced look attractive and really hate lip filler. If he is no longer attracted to her there's not much he can do.

Fairislefandango · 20/12/2022 17:48

I was totally surprised when someone at work told me she had had Botox and fillers. I honestly could not tell. And I have had fillers. DH definitely has not noticed and neither has anyone else. My adult DCs would have no inhibitions in telling me if they could see it and they haven’t. Nobody has.

If it's invisible, what's the point though?

GrasstrackGirl · 20/12/2022 17:49

I can't stand the plastic look on men or women so I'm with your brother, not that it's any of your business.

RaininSummer · 20/12/2022 17:50

I can understand him wanting to end things. She sounds like a very different woman from the one he has been happy with for 2.5 years. It's a bit of a slippery slope this cosmetic surgery and maybe he sees a woman who will never be happy and very fixated on her looks which isn't what he loved. She seems to have had a lot of work done.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 20/12/2022 17:50

Are any aesthetic treatments acceptable on mumsnet? What about teeth whitening?, braces for crooked teeth? Or are people who have cosmetic work on teeth considered vain, shallow, thick, plasticky to name but a few insults on here?

catfunk · 20/12/2022 17:52

He can break up with her whenever he likes. But for the record it would put me off too, it seems to indicate either very low self esteem or self obsession, neither of which are attractive qualities

Mumofnarnia · 20/12/2022 17:53

It’s up to your brother if he doesn’t find lip fillers and Botox attractive. Personally I’ve spoken to a lot of men both in person and on dating sites and the huge majority have all said they are not attracted to women with lip fillers and Botox.
It does seems to be predominantly a woman thing where women seem to think they become more attractive by having these things done to them but in reality a lot of men are attracted to natural looks.
Yes by all means a lot of men do follow these Instagram influencer types who do have these cosmetic enhancements done but I’ve also found that it’s more or a fantasy and they do it because the huge majority of them are scantily clad and wearing not very much rather than looking at their face and thinking phwoar look at all that that Botox and lip fillers.
Your brother is entitled to be attracted to whatever he wants and is entitled to break up with someone he is no longer attracted to.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 20/12/2022 17:53

It just sounds like their values are too different for their lives to work jointly. Sensible of your brother to recognise this. She can find someone who prioritises personal appearances or his happy for her to do that, and finds that attractive, and he can find someone whose values chime with his own and would spend their money on something else.
At the end of the day money is finite and how you choose to spend it is a big source of conflict in partnerships if you're not both on the same page.

DogInATent · 20/12/2022 17:53

Fancylike · 20/12/2022 17:34

Curious, what kind of uniform personality do women who choose one or more aesthetics treatments have?

Show quote history

It suggests a lot of insecurities. You don't undergo body modification treatments because you're happy in yourself and comfortable with your appearance and identity.

UntilHootOwlReturns · 20/12/2022 17:56

Vanity is not generally attractive. He can't help it if it's given him the ick.

CinnamonSodaPop · 20/12/2022 18:01

The irony of slating a large group of women who do these things, calling them thick, shallow, not worthy of a relationship, vain, insecure, personality flaw, gullible etc-while assuming the moral high ground.

I'll tell you one thing that IS stupid saying 'you can always tell' just doesn't make sense you can tell when you can tell and if you can't tell, you wouldn't know.

Really poor show.

SwedishEdith · 20/12/2022 18:05

Byfleet · 20/12/2022 17:42

@SirChenjins

If you know someone very well (which you will do after being intimate with someone for over 2 years) you can absolutely tell when they've had fillers and botox - it might be subtle or it might be more full on, but the differences are there for all to see. Perhaps he just wants her to look her age with a natural face, lines and all

Sorry but you can’t always tell. Only when it has been done badly or too much.

I was totally surprised when someone at work told me she had had Botox and fillers. I honestly could not tell. And I have had fillers. DH definitely has not noticed and neither has anyone else. My adult DCs would have no inhibitions in telling me if they could see it and they haven’t. Nobody has.

I am an academic in my 60s. I have never had a manicure, worn false lashes, had extensions etc etc. I don’t own any lipstick and rarely wear any make up. I wear pretty sober clothes to work and apart from that wear DMs and jeans most of the time. But I have had dermal fillers. It’s not just for Love Island air heads. It’s really very common. I have two very deep lines (really deep groves) running down from my nose. They make me look angry and miserable. With very light fillers the lines are still there (that is natural for my age) but I look happier and rested. I can afford it. I have a pretty unextravagant lifestyle otherwise (we don’t even own a car) and can afford to pay bills and support the family. I think some people should rethink their prejudices. If you dye your grey hair it’s really no different.

You're clearly fairly old though and, presumably, didn't start down the fillers road in your 20s (I'm making assumptions about the girlfriend here). I think it's another way for the beauty industry to con women out of spending more of their, generally, lower than men's incomes on stuff they don't need but starting with it when you are at your prettiest feels like it's not got to stop at a few minor tweakments. You can't help what you don't find attractive.

Wineandwinelalalala · 20/12/2022 18:05

I’m sorry here, I’m with your brother. Loosing weight yes, good for the girls health but those lip fillers are just awful. I had too look twice at a women in the supermarket on Sunday as her mouth was so big. Plus it’s the same folk on fb pleading poverty,( small town. )Who have the money to spend on these cosmetic procedures.

Mumofnarnia · 20/12/2022 18:06

Notsohomely · 20/12/2022 17:02

@Dontsayyouloveme agree - always funny when posters confidently state they can ‘always’ tell when people have had work done. Except they can’t - because the whole point of good work means you can’t. So they don’t notice what they don’t notice.

My husband told me he’d hate it if I got Botox, I’d actually already been getting it for years and he was shocked to find out.

Yes I agree in some instances you cannot tell that some people have had it done but the point of the matter is that the op’s brother knows his girlfriend has had it done (whether or not it’s obvious to other people) and it’s obviously put him off. Some men won’t mind but this guy obviously does.

diddl · 20/12/2022 18:07

I personally haven't noticed a huge change in her, at least personality wise so quite surprised that he would throw away a relationship over this.

Why do you think he should stay in a relationship that he no longer wants to be in?

Treacletoots · 20/12/2022 18:09

@Fairislefandango it's invisible in that it doesn't look fake. But to the person who used to have deep lines for example who doesn't any more thanks to the botox or filler then it's noticeable. It just isn't noticeable to everyone else.

There's a lot of judgey comments on here and I totally agree with @Byfleet that done well, aesthetics can enhance someone's appearance. Done badly, well I think we've all seen examples of that and it's likely where a lot of the stereotyped comments on here are being based upon.

Ittybittytittycomittee · 20/12/2022 18:09

Loulou89x · 20/12/2022 16:08

I know this sounds a bit mad but my brother has been in a what I thought a pretty good relationship with a lovely girl for nearly 2.5 years now. She's recently lost quite a chunk of weight, and with this has started to pay more attention if you like to other areas and has had a boob job in the summer, and more recently has had lip filler, chin filler, botox etc.
My brother the other day told me he wants to end things as he isn't attracted to her anymore and think she's got lost in it all and only wants to spend money on her appearance. I'm quite taken aback as we all thought this would be the girl he would marry. I personally haven't noticed a huge change in her, at least personality wise so quite surprised that he would throw away a relationship over this.
Has anyone else had something similar happen? What are people's on thoughts on this?

He obviously found her attractive in the first instance and now she's changing her looks he might not be physically attracted to her. It happens in reverse when people let themselves go, so I can imagine it works the same this way around.

JemimaPyjamas · 20/12/2022 18:11

People saying how fillers and botox are always obvious are only noticing the bad or obvious jobs. I too have had both but my DH didn't know, but it was subtle and took the edge off as opposed to made me look 'plastic' or looked obvious.

PenanceAdair · 20/12/2022 18:13

I can't blame him. He fell inlove with her old self, including former physical appearance, not this new one.

I think what you may find so unbelievable is the idea that men are "supposed" to like this sort of build-a-body type woman but obviously, some people don't, especially when undergoing enhancements seem to have become an addiction.