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Original poster

Going on 3rd date with guy I don’t fancy!

78 replies

Mistleholly22 · 18/12/2022 01:27

So I have been on 2 dates with this guy who I don’t fancy and I don’t know how to get round the idea of me not fancying him.
I wasn’t attracted to him at all the 1st time but he asked me on another date and felt too rude to say no and the rest is history. I don’t exactly have many other options either so I’m wondering whether to make do with him as his personality is nice.
I don’t know whether to tell him it’s nothing more than a friendship or to make do and try to grow the attraction later. Opinions?

OP posts:
LaBaby72 · 18/12/2022 01:36

What is it about him you’re not attracted to? Are there fundamental issues or could he potentially be a grower?

Original poster
Mistleholly22 · 18/12/2022 01:38

I know it’s shallow but it’s his looks. He’s a 5 at best.

OP posts:
Trez1510 · 18/12/2022 01:40

He's a five, and you are ...... ?

BackOnTheBandWagon · 18/12/2022 01:46

If you feel no attraction just stop now - the longer you go on the harder it will be to get out of it. Just say "I don't feel this could be a romantic relationship", you don't need to say anything else.

thisusernameisnotavailablepleasetryanother · 18/12/2022 02:01

Just tell him that there's no spark on your side! But would love to be his friend (if that's what you'd like from this?)
Let him find someone who thinks he's a 10
Don't be selfish

KettrickenSmiled · 18/12/2022 02:17

So I have been on 2 dates with this guy who I don’t fancy and I don’t know how to get round the idea of me not fancying him.
You don't need to get round the idea of not fancying him.
You need to own the fact that you don't fancy him.
It's not a moral failing OP. We don't fancy most people we meet.

I wasn’t attracted to him at all the 1st time but he asked me on another date and felt too rude to say no and the rest is history.
I can't think of a polite way to say this but it genuinely is meant to be for your own good - if you are unable to utter the word "no" to a man, should you be dating at all?
Maybe take a step back - at least while you buy & study this -
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

I don’t exactly have many other options either so I’m wondering whether to make do with him as his personality is nice.
That would be a shameful way to behave.
You're prepared to string him along because you reckon you have no other options?
Other people are not put on earth for you to "make do" with while you wait for someone 'better' to come along.

I don’t know whether to tell him it’s nothing more than a friendship or to make do and try to grow the attraction later. Opinions?
Do you WANT to be his friend?
Does he want to be yours?
Or is it better that you chalk it up to ships passing in the night, & leave him free to pursue someone who rates him?

You have some interesting personality contradictions OP.
Too unassertive to say 'no', but mean enough to pretend to be attracted to a guy just so you can say you have a man in tow.
Maybe work on yourself a bit before dating the next guy. Men are humans too, not accessories.

MMadness · 18/12/2022 02:24

Trez1510 · 18/12/2022 01:40

He's a five, and you are ...... ?

Fucking gold.

MintyBinty · 18/12/2022 02:26

This is just cruel and weird. Why on earth would you date someone you’re not attracted to? Your reasons are purely selfish a bit pathetic, honestly.

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/12/2022 02:29

Trez1510 · 18/12/2022 01:40

He's a five, and you are ...... ?

😂😂

DramaAlpaca · 18/12/2022 02:31

You aren't attracted to him, so move on.

JaneAustensHeroine · 18/12/2022 02:52

I have been in this situation. Lovely guy but no romantic spark on my side. I had to just say that I didn’t want to pursue a relationship (I think I said I didn’t feel ready for a relationship to soften it a bit). Wished him well, said it had been lovely to meet him. All fine but yes, get out asap and don’t carry it on any further. I should have knocked it on the head earlier than I did.

GLADragss · 18/12/2022 02:56

Just cancel the date.

I was in a similar situation but the male was reasonably attractive but we didn’t have a romantic connection at all. I’d have been stringing him along if I kept going on dates with him. By setting his expectations early on, he has the opportunity to move on before getting invested. Ultimately there’s no point giving things “a chance” when you know it won’t work out.

raspberrytinsel · 18/12/2022 03:06

Nobody can answer for you why you are meeting someone you don't like, unless there is something you really like about him and he just doesn't fit some weird preconceived notions you have about what your perfect partner should look like to others. That would shout out your own insecurity. Otherwise stop wasting a good man's time.

cloudsandream · 18/12/2022 03:26

I bloody hope he’s not been paying for your half of date OP. Stringing him along for a free meal? I hope not. Hmm Grow a backbone and tell him, babying this imagine of lack of assertiveness whilst slating his appearance is quite the conflict of personality. Are you always this nasty? Men have feelings too.

MintJulia · 18/12/2022 03:30

OP, quite apart from being unfair on the poor man, and totally dishonest, you have one life. Don't waste it.

Don't suddenly realise you wasted 10 years with someone who's not right for you, just because it was the easiest thing to do and you couldn't be arsed to keep looking.

That would be a sad waste of two lives..

Dalekjastninerels · 18/12/2022 03:42

DramaAlpaca · 18/12/2022 02:31

You aren't attracted to him, so move on.

This is correct

Drinknumber11 · 18/12/2022 07:28

Men have feelings too - so don’t string him along just because you have no other options. How would you feel if a guy was keeping you as an option?
It’s perfectly normal to think somebody is nice but not feel attracted to them - just have to tell him there is no spark.

KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2022 07:30

and felt too rude to say no

You need to start being assertive and just say no thanks. Better to hurt his feelings briefly than string him along.

Cancel the date.

Hellohah · 18/12/2022 07:43

I would cancel.
Have done so in the past. I've always been honest and said something like "Thanks for the date, was great to meet you but I'm not interested in seeing you again."

If they ask why, I'll say something like "I just don't feel excited to see you again".

Not sure if I'm doing it wrong, but that's as truthful as I can be without saying something that might be mean.

Plus I hate ghosters, so would never do it

MajesticWhine · 18/12/2022 07:48

If you like spending time with him, go on the date. I believe attraction can grow from getting to know someone. If you don't like him at all, both looks and personality, then cancel - don't string him along.

Mushroomlady · 18/12/2022 07:50

Just say "Hey X, hope you're well. I've been thinking about our third date and I've decided that there just isn't enough of a spark between us for me to continue seeing you. I'm really sorry. You're a great guy but I just don't feel the connection I'm looking for. Hope you have a good Xmas".. blah blah

Divebar2021 · 18/12/2022 08:08

I had three dates with a man who I didn’t fancy. I have no idea why I didn’t fancy him as on paper he ticked all the boxes. It wasn’t to do with looks because I’ve definitely dated men who were more physically unattractive than this man. I just didn’t feel a spark. This is going to sound horrendous but I persisted for three dates because I was sick of being single and he had a flat in Shepherds Market ( which I appreciate you may not know but is a nice part of London near Piccadilly) He was Canadian and he owned an Andy Warhol print. All very valid reasons for dating someone 😂 My flat-mate gave me a talking to and I knocked it on the head. He was a catch for someone but unfortunately that someone was not me.

Googlecanthelpme · 18/12/2022 08:15

Divebar2021 · 18/12/2022 08:08

I had three dates with a man who I didn’t fancy. I have no idea why I didn’t fancy him as on paper he ticked all the boxes. It wasn’t to do with looks because I’ve definitely dated men who were more physically unattractive than this man. I just didn’t feel a spark. This is going to sound horrendous but I persisted for three dates because I was sick of being single and he had a flat in Shepherds Market ( which I appreciate you may not know but is a nice part of London near Piccadilly) He was Canadian and he owned an Andy Warhol print. All very valid reasons for dating someone 😂 My flat-mate gave me a talking to and I knocked it on the head. He was a catch for someone but unfortunately that someone was not me.

Love this 🤣

Hopefully it was many years ago and you have the excuse of youth on your side!

Whilst attraction can grow over time, I do think that’s more of a long term friend situation, someone you’ve known on a personal level for some time, as opposed to someone you meet online etc. attraction can take years, IF you are attracted to all the other elements then you could eventually physically fancy him? Although you could easily just reconfirm what you already know - he doesn’t do it for you.

But it doesn’t sound like you fancy the package just not the appearance, so best to cancel the date.

Clearcoolhot · 18/12/2022 08:16

KettrickenSmiled · 18/12/2022 02:17

So I have been on 2 dates with this guy who I don’t fancy and I don’t know how to get round the idea of me not fancying him.
You don't need to get round the idea of not fancying him.
You need to own the fact that you don't fancy him.
It's not a moral failing OP. We don't fancy most people we meet.

I wasn’t attracted to him at all the 1st time but he asked me on another date and felt too rude to say no and the rest is history.
I can't think of a polite way to say this but it genuinely is meant to be for your own good - if you are unable to utter the word "no" to a man, should you be dating at all?
Maybe take a step back - at least while you buy & study this -
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

I don’t exactly have many other options either so I’m wondering whether to make do with him as his personality is nice.
That would be a shameful way to behave.
You're prepared to string him along because you reckon you have no other options?
Other people are not put on earth for you to "make do" with while you wait for someone 'better' to come along.

I don’t know whether to tell him it’s nothing more than a friendship or to make do and try to grow the attraction later. Opinions?
Do you WANT to be his friend?
Does he want to be yours?
Or is it better that you chalk it up to ships passing in the night, & leave him free to pursue someone who rates him?

You have some interesting personality contradictions OP.
Too unassertive to say 'no', but mean enough to pretend to be attracted to a guy just so you can say you have a man in tow.
Maybe work on yourself a bit before dating the next guy. Men are humans too, not accessories.

All of this.

And you really need to work on your boundaries if you feel it’s rude to say no to a date.

Tesoroxx · 18/12/2022 08:19

It's never going to work, you have to be personally attracted to them even if there not what others class as attractive. Someone could be a 1 to everyone else but to you they are a 10 because that's how you feel with them please don't lead this man on