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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any Pakistani ladies here?

105 replies

Oleander23 · 16/12/2022 18:58

I met someone at work a year and a half ago with whom i had an instant attraction to and chemistry. I fell in love. We have an amazing time together. We are both 27. But.. he is Muslim and I am not. He told me that he is deeply in love with me but his culture and family expects him to have an arranged marriage with a Muslim woman. I am Christian. I do not want to convert for the sake of his family and even if I did, I do not think I would be accepted as I am not Pakistani. I know there is no future for him and me but I want to ask Pakistani women whether the pressure is really that high in these families? What would happen if he stood up for me? He is not strong enough to do that though so I need to let go and not waste anymore of my time. Do you know any Pakistani men with Christian women that got married and accepted?

OP posts:
Twopenceworthtoday · 20/12/2022 12:52

Why is it that the woman has to convert not the man?

That's what gets up my nose.

Move on OP. Find someone else.

magicofthefae · 20/12/2022 14:17

@Draconis
True, you hear of stories all the time of men who all different races, cultures, including white British, where the woman is expected to hold down a full time job, be nanny, cook, cleaner etc. The man not lift a finger outside his job.

I know of a Pakistan born man, who married a white British woman, and they've been married decades, have multiple children, and he's very hands on with his fair share of childcare, cooking, cleaning etc, and well as working his job.

It's a universal problem...a man not doing his fair share, or a man not committing to marriage after several years of cohabitation together and often kids in tow.

OP the emotions will fade in time, you'll see the logic and facts, in time, and wonder why you ever were so hung up on this piece of trash.

JolieJ · 20/12/2022 14:32

We can't generalize because like any other culture, there's a large spectrum of values within the Pakistani community. In your specific situation, he sounds like he's a player and using you for a bit of fun because he has to go back home and marry the girl his family has picked out for him. Run and get away as fast as you can!

There's lots of decent nice Pakistani men (I'm married to one, not arranged) but there are the horrible ones too just like anywhere.

ahsan · 20/12/2022 14:53

Run for the hills was married to a Pakistani for 13 years his family didn’t accept me because I was half Egyptian half English In the end he cheated married a Pakistani women behind my back brought her here and left me. These families are rubbish avoid culture is terrible. Avoid

HikingforScenery · 20/12/2022 16:01

Oleander23 · 16/12/2022 19:54

He says they would disown him. I am trying to reduce contact with him but he is pursuing me hard.. despite saying he is not able to have a lasting relationship with me. I know i am a fling and need to run.

He does not love you. Knowing he’s headed towards marrying someone else, he should do the right thing and stop ‘pursuing you hard.
You know you’ll get hurt. Stop pandering to that part of you that’s holding on to hope because there isn’t any. You’ll be much better off cutting it off now, than the potential heartache or danger you could be exposing yourself to.

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