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Original poster

DH sexting girl 20 years younger than him

97 replies

Oceniam · 13/12/2022 01:43

Found out tonight that my DH has been sexting a 24 year old girl who he works with. I confronted him and he promised that nothing more has happened between them both. Now I don’t know what to believe.. the thought of a 44 year old man talking dirty to a 24 year old has made my stomach turn to be quite honest. We have two young children together and we’re suppose to be all going away together over the Christmas holiday but all this happening is giving me second thoughts. Since me confronting him the girl in question has blocked me on the social media app that she was using to talk to him on which is very strange to me? I’ve never had any suspicions of him cheating on me and this is why it’s been a big shock to the system. Any advice or women that have been in the same boat? Thanks x

OP posts:
Anonladyx · 13/12/2022 01:46

Sorry to hear this op. Does the girl know that your husband is married or? And very strange that she blocked you.. he’s obviously been talking to her🤔

Original poster
Oceniam · 13/12/2022 01:52

Yes she would know he’s married as his profile picture is of me, him and the 2 kids! Plus plenty of other pictures to show that he is married.

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 13/12/2022 01:52

Sorry OP. That must have been such a shock and so hurtful. Let yourself have as much time as you need to decide what’s right for you and your family.

dolor · 13/12/2022 01:59

Keep screenshots of the messages for evidence during the divorce.

Dirty bastard.

frozendaisy · 13/12/2022 02:12

It's not the young woman who is married though it's him isn't it?

Go on holiday without him.

She blocked you so he must have told her.

Your husband has turned into an older sleezy male. What do you want to do? Stay with him or not?

Opentooffers · 13/12/2022 02:25

He's warned her, she fears you may have a go at her for it, so has blocked you. Not so strange when you think about it.
Time to block him, and have a nice hol, without him.

Guavafish1 · 13/12/2022 02:43

He has told her lies about you hence why she blocked you.

your husband is wrong sexting young women

serenaisaknobhead · 13/12/2022 02:44

If your friend had told you this, what would you advise her?

autienotnaughty · 13/12/2022 02:46

I'd do the holiday with the kids, take some space and think about your next move.

MsDogLady · 13/12/2022 03:54

This is terrible, Oceniam. Your H has been acting like a sleazy single guy both in and outside of work.

He’s an unfaithful liar, so you really can’t believe anything he says or promises. I guarantee you don’t yet know everything about his infidelity. Cheaters always deny and minimize. I agree with others that he’s been feeding OW a false narrative about you and your marriage.

This man needs to experience effective consequences. In your shoes, I’d send him away while I processed my options. I wouldn’t consider moving forward with him until he: comes clean with the whole story; goes totally NC with OW; changes jobs; and provides full transparency with devices, passwords and statements.

You and the children should go on the holiday. H’s presence would muddy the waters right now. Flowers

MamaFirst · 13/12/2022 04:10

It sounds like he's suggesting it's not that big a deal... Don't downplay what he's done. He has cheated on you, even if that just be over the phone or emotionally and nothing physical has actually happened.

I would need open access to his phone and social media going forward. You need assurance about his relationship with this woman - her blocking you on social media is not a great start, is it. He needs to be blocking her. How closely do they work together? I can't see how they can continue working together after this, if you're relationship stands any chance.

Monty27 · 13/12/2022 04:20

Have you told him to leave yet OP?

Zanatdy · 13/12/2022 04:43

She’s probably blocked you so you can’t contact her as she knows that she is in the wrong. So is he of course, more so given he’s the one that said his vow’s.

do you want to go on holiday with him? Might be an opportunity when kids are asleep / doing other things to have an honest conversation about the future of your marriage. He’s clearly breached your trust which is impossible to get back. You need to consider if you’re willing to move on from this, or not. So sorry, it’s really crap.

Itsthewhitehat · 13/12/2022 05:24

I wouldn’t worry about her. It’s not odd that she has blocked you. They have been caught out. While she is a grown woman, I can imagine she thinks it’s best to ignore and pretend it didn’t happenZ not everybody has the maturity to face the negative things they have done.

But he is your main concern. She will like only tell you what he tells her to say to you. Personally, I could never believe it didn’t go further. Or that it wouldn’t have if I hadn’t found out. It’s not just cheating. It’s the sleaziness of it. It’s absolutely foul. I couldn’t even look at him the same. Even if he never cheated again. It would make my stomach turn.

Shoxfordian · 13/12/2022 05:26

Nothing else needs to have happened for you to divorce him; his behaviour is unacceptable

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 05:31

Why are you looking at her social media to even know you've been blocked? She is not the issue, your husband is the married one so your issue is with him. Don't try and contact the girl, deal with your cheating husband.

WandaWonder · 13/12/2022 05:45

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 05:31

Why are you looking at her social media to even know you've been blocked? She is not the issue, your husband is the married one so your issue is with him. Don't try and contact the girl, deal with your cheating husband.

This exactly

Outtasteamandluck · 13/12/2022 06:34

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 05:31

Why are you looking at her social media to even know you've been blocked? She is not the issue, your husband is the married one so your issue is with him. Don't try and contact the girl, deal with your cheating husband.

Because it's normal to want to know the details. OP is trying to piece together what's happened.
And fuck it's all the man, yes OP needs to deal with him but the girl is also responsible especially if she knew he was married. I'd be calling her superior, no way she should get off too. Let me be clear though...they BOTH need dealing with.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 06:55

Assuming the OP doesn’t know the girl as it’s a colleague of her DHs she absolutely doesn’t need dealt with or to be reported to her superior (hate that word), it’s a private issue not a work issue. She might have loose morals but she owes OP nothing, her DH is the one who made marriage vows.

PiscesFootFetish · 13/12/2022 06:57

Blocking the spouse is a common tactic cheaters use. They share such tips on the infamous r/adultery on Reddit. One of their 'Operational Securities' is blocking the spouse and family of the affair partner.
If you weren't blocked before, then he told her he was found out.
The young woman isn't innocent. Some are so insecure and damaged they find attention from an older taken guy as more flattering than a single guy her own age. She may not have made vows to op but she's a party to the cheating and betrayed another fellow woman. I don't believe in Karma but I believe her actions indicate some disturbance in her character and morality which, unless she gets help and redeems herself, will catch up with her in further toxic relations.
Unless your husband is full of remorse and going to change jobs, I would expect further cheating with this woman. He might also cheat even after changing jobs if whatever had made him cheat isn't worked on. Sometimes this is down to their own personality (narcissism, lack of empathy, messed up childhood) and may never be 'fixed' and always cheat.
You could give him a second chance provided you both seriously shake up things in your marriage. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Please be aware op, there will be cheaters on here who will come and defend the other woman. Please pay them no attention.
Hope it all works out for you.

Crazypaving22 · 13/12/2022 07:05

He's minimising. It's unlikely just to be sexting. He is obviously more involved with her and colluding with her for you to have been blocked.

Of course you're looking at her social media, honestly, some posters have no idea what infidelity trauma looks like, hyper vigilance is absolutely normal.

I'm so sorry. I totally get the shock from thinking you were happily married and then suddenly thrown into this shit.

I found 'leave a cheater gain a life' the best book to read at this stage. It gave me insight into cheaters mind and stopped me blaming myself or our marriage. I also suggest reading and/or posting on surviving infidelity website and their 'just found out' forum, it'll give you a real insight into cheaters mindset.

I suspect (although i hate to say it) that this is just the beginning of the roller coaster you've been set on and more will come out.

I'm so sorry he's such an entitled selfish man, you honestly deserve better.

crochetandacuppa · 13/12/2022 07:13

There will definitely be more to find out OP. I second @Crazypaving22 suggestion to post on the Surviving Infidelity forum for advice. Also ask your husband to read ‘Not Just Friends’ by Shirley Glass - gives some great insights into how affairs happen and the steps you can take. Ultimately he needs to be accountable for what he’s done, tell you the whole truth, and cease all contact with the AP (which may mean quitting his job).

maryofthevirginkind · 13/12/2022 07:21

Well he's obviously told her you know, she's blocked you so that you can't contact her!

C1N1C · 13/12/2022 07:25

I've been watching too much Love Actually.

The fact that he hasn't gotten down on his knees and begged for forgiveness, given you a list of things he'll do to make it up to you and reassure you is quite telling.

I had a friend I cut all ties with on the girl's side of this sort of thing. She fancied a married man (with two beautiful sons) who was a lecturer at the uni we both went to. She seduced him and it got to the point he broke up his marriage for her, at which point she ended it. She told me it was the chase more than anything and reality didn't measure up. So I disagree, it's not just him... all it takes is one bad day and comforting, tempting arms, and many are swayed (men and women).

Sounds to me it's early stages though. More of an ego thing at the moment. You have to decide whether it's enough that he admits he was wrong and move on or is the fact he could even 'flirt' too much.

category12 · 13/12/2022 07:28

What is he doing to try to restore the damage of his cheating on you?

Do you believe it was "only" sexting? Why?

How are you going to feel about him continuing to work with her?

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