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Original poster

DH sexting girl 20 years younger than him

97 replies

Oceniam · 13/12/2022 01:43

Found out tonight that my DH has been sexting a 24 year old girl who he works with. I confronted him and he promised that nothing more has happened between them both. Now I don’t know what to believe.. the thought of a 44 year old man talking dirty to a 24 year old has made my stomach turn to be quite honest. We have two young children together and we’re suppose to be all going away together over the Christmas holiday but all this happening is giving me second thoughts. Since me confronting him the girl in question has blocked me on the social media app that she was using to talk to him on which is very strange to me? I’ve never had any suspicions of him cheating on me and this is why it’s been a big shock to the system. Any advice or women that have been in the same boat? Thanks x

OP posts:

Crazypaving22 · 13/12/2022 19:24

I can't stress to you enough to please get yourself on surviving infidelity, there just found out forum would be so helpful for you right now to preempt the bs he's about to feed you. Whether you choose in the end to stay or go it's def the place for you to get ongoing support.

Some of the posts on here are just shockingly lacking in insight and empathy as to the shock and pain you must be in.

You don't need to listen to the world and his wife debating pathetic points like whether she's a girl or a woman! You don't need to appease them or apologise. You only found out LAST NIGHT!!!

I'm not surprised that you're learning more, well done for kicking him out.

eelieza · 13/12/2022 19:24

Theres nothing stopping him from coming along if he wants to if his tickets is booked and payed for so either just cancel his ticket or cancel the whole thing and get it rebooked without him

dolor · 13/12/2022 19:25

You could always throw all his things out of a window if he refuses to leave.

You know, just to really drive it home that he's a horrendous bag of shite.

potplant · 13/12/2022 19:27

Mine is slightly less sleazy, only a 10 year age gap, but she was a new trainee in her early 20s.

he swore on our children’s lives, oh yes we had a couple of toddlers, he’d never laid a finger on her.
the biggest regret of my life is that I didn’t kick his arse out when I had the chance.

I could never forgive him.

ICanHideButICantRun · 13/12/2022 19:28

I'm so sorry. You've made the right decision. He's clearly talked to her about you, hence her blocking you.

It'll be interesting to see how long he holds her attention. He'll come crawling back, OP, but stay strong.

Hawkins001 · 13/12/2022 19:40

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 05:31

Why are you looking at her social media to even know you've been blocked? She is not the issue, your husband is the married one so your issue is with him. Don't try and contact the girl, deal with your cheating husband.

but where's the respect of knowing your with a person that's having an affair ?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 19:55

Hawkins001 · 13/12/2022 19:40

but where's the respect of knowing your with a person that's having an affair ?

Show quote history

There isn't any, I'm not sure what you're reading incorrectly as I didn't suggest there was. Deal with your cheating husband means just that, I'd confront him and personally I'd end it. Which is actually what OP has done.

Hawkins001 · 13/12/2022 20:48

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 19:55

Show quote history

It was in reference to "Why are you looking at her social media to even know you've been blocked? She is not the issue"

When it takes two to tango, she is part of the issue as without the other woman, no cheating happens.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/12/2022 21:40

OPs issue is with her cheating husband. No need to stalk or intimidate another woman or report her to her work as has been suggested on this thread. The other woman is the symptom, not the disease. It's the disease that needs tackling.

I can't see how your comment "but where's the respect of knowing your with a person that's having an affair ?" has anything to do with anything I've posted nor your follow up comment above. I wouldn't stay with a cheater and nor would I advocate it. Nor would I immediately think it's the fault of a random woman than he can't t be faithful.

MidnightMeltdown · 14/12/2022 00:38

Agree with @Autumntimeagain about the maturity gap.

Legally she's an adult, but science has shown that our brains don't fully mature until late 20s. There's a huge gap between someone in their 20s and someone in their 40s.

He is biologically old enough to be her father, and if OP is the same age, then then this women is young enough to be her daughter. OP should absolutely not be attempting to contact her.

Something similar happened to me in my 20s and I ended up getting involved with a married man in his 40s. He was my boss and I thought that he was wonderful. I had absolutely no idea that he was married. Yes I was that naive...

Hawkins001 · 14/12/2022 16:44

Question for all, I can understand if a person is led to think the person is single, but if they willingly take part in an affair and it's not an open relationship type, then does that make the affair partner just as bad as the cheating partner in the affair?

category12 · 14/12/2022 17:24

Hawkins001 · 14/12/2022 16:44

Just as bad? I'd say no. The AP hasn't made any promises to anyone and presuming they're single themselves.

Is it Bad behaviour - yes, for sure. I think we all have social responsibility to try to be "good" people, so it's not something I condone.

But IMO the person who is betraying their spouse is doing worse, because it usually entails gaslighting them, which is a form of emotional abuse, on top of the infidelity itself, which is breaking their relationship promises.

(Of course if the AP is known to the betrayed spouse and is lying to them/gaslighting them too, that takes it up a notch.)

Hawkins001 · 14/12/2022 18:42

category12 · 14/12/2022 17:24

Just as bad? I'd say no. The AP hasn't made any promises to anyone and presuming they're single themselves.

Is it Bad behaviour - yes, for sure. I think we all have social responsibility to try to be "good" people, so it's not something I condone.

(Of course if the AP is known to the betrayed spouse and is lying to them/gaslighting them too, that takes it up a notch.)

Show quote history

That's all good points, much appreciated

Namechangerr1 · 14/12/2022 18:49

"Obviously there's a risk that he and she may lose their jobs over this,"

Why should she lose her job over it?

LexMitior · 14/12/2022 19:43

This girl is an idiot. Pound to a penny she is let go for her foolishness as being younger and considerably stupider she will likely be outmaneuvered by this older guy who has manipulated her and is more valuable to the employer.

She is replaceable, him more difficult.

And yes this is not fair but a salutary lesson in not pursing relationships at work. If you can call it that

Anon778833 · 14/12/2022 19:46

It's unlikely that this is all he's done with her. He'll be minimising imo. I'm really sorry - how awful for you. How old are your children?

MsDogLady · 14/12/2022 20:31

Did he actually leave, Oceniam?

pocketvenuss · 14/12/2022 20:41

What else did he admit to OP and what did his DM say when you told her her precious ds was having an affair?

movingon2022 · 14/12/2022 21:09

Hello OP, I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I am not sure though, what you are unsure about. First of all, for me sexting IS cheating and it does not much matter if they had sex or not or how old the other person is. It does not matter who she is either, or what she is or is not doing; this is about your husband. He has engaged in an inappropriate behavior with another person. To me this is a deal breaker. I would dump him immediately.

roseheartfly · 15/12/2022 04:01

He's taken the time to tell her that you have found out.. rather than focusing on you.

Sorry op there is far more to this and he's hiding it.

WGO · 15/12/2022 05:13

frozendaisy · 13/12/2022 02:12

It's not the young woman who is married though it's him isn't it?

Go on holiday without him.

She blocked you so he must have told her.

Your husband has turned into an older sleezy male. What do you want to do? Stay with him or not?

Yeah he's turned into the type of man no woman respects

Dirty ole man.

80s · 15/12/2022 08:27

IMO the person who is betraying their spouse is doing worse, because it usually entails gaslighting them, which is a form of emotional abuse, on top of the infidelity itself, which is breaking their relationship promises.
That's how I see it, too. Couldn't care less about the OW as we did not know one another. For me, the gaslighting and rewriting of history was the worst part. Can't say I was that bothered about the actual infidelity, even! That is, I wasn't jealous. When I suspected something might be starting, I told him as much and said in reasoonable tones that if he wanted to be with someone else then he should do it in the right order and leave beforehand. He chose to do it the nasty way instead.

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