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Original poster

DH sexting girl 20 years younger than him

97 replies

Oceniam · 13/12/2022 01:43

Found out tonight that my DH has been sexting a 24 year old girl who he works with. I confronted him and he promised that nothing more has happened between them both. Now I don’t know what to believe.. the thought of a 44 year old man talking dirty to a 24 year old has made my stomach turn to be quite honest. We have two young children together and we’re suppose to be all going away together over the Christmas holiday but all this happening is giving me second thoughts. Since me confronting him the girl in question has blocked me on the social media app that she was using to talk to him on which is very strange to me? I’ve never had any suspicions of him cheating on me and this is why it’s been a big shock to the system. Any advice or women that have been in the same boat? Thanks x

OP posts:
Autumntimeagain · 13/12/2022 10:31

Firstly, the thought that a 44yr old man is sexting a GIRL is vomit inducing.

He's a letcherous OLD pervert ffs !

How you could even be considering 'doing Xmas' with such a disgusting creep is beyond me ?

He'd have been told to fuck off out the room, then fuck off out house, fuck off down the street, turn left and fuck off again !!! (Just imagine for a moment what HE'D do if it was YOU sexting a 20 yr old boy, that you would see in person 5 days a bloody week ???🤔)

I'd also be straight on the telephone to all his family and friends telling them he's probably going to appear at theirs because you've thrown him out, and WHY you've chucked the creep out too !!!

WandaWonder · 13/12/2022 10:36

Autumntimeagain · 13/12/2022 10:31

Firstly, the thought that a 44yr old man is sexting a GIRL is vomit inducing.

He's a letcherous OLD pervert ffs !

How you could even be considering 'doing Xmas' with such a disgusting creep is beyond me ?

He'd have been told to fuck off out the room, then fuck off out house, fuck off down the street, turn left and fuck off again !!! (Just imagine for a moment what HE'D do if it was YOU sexting a 20 yr old boy, that you would see in person 5 days a bloody week ???🤔)

I'd also be straight on the telephone to all his family and friends telling them he's probably going to appear at theirs because you've thrown him out, and WHY you've chucked the creep out too !!!

How is she a girl?

NotToBeOrToBe · 13/12/2022 10:45

I literally couldn't stay with my husband if he did this. I'd never believe nothing more happened and I couldn't get over him sexting another person in the first place.

Trust would be gone.

Lovageandrose · 13/12/2022 10:49

Do you mean a 24 year old woman?

HotChoxs · 13/12/2022 10:50

Just take the age gap thing out of the equation

The issue is he's cheated on you. Divorce and don't look back.

Autumntimeagain · 13/12/2022 10:56

@WandaWonder A 24yr old is only a 'girl' compared to a 44yr old man, who was already 20yrs old when she was born ?

There's a huge gap in maturity there...

Riverlee · 13/12/2022 11:01

HotChoxs · 13/12/2022 10:50

Just take the age gap thing out of the equation

The issue is he's cheated on you. Divorce and don't look back.

About to say the same.

The age gap is irrelevant. He’s been sexing another woman. If it were a 40 year woman, would that make it acceptable? Even if nothing has happened, the fact that he’s been doing it is cheating.

AntiqueCestChic · 13/12/2022 11:10

Ugh what vile behaviour.

He's cheating on you by sexting someone else - regardless of how old she is. As pp have said, focus on what he's done as he's the one who's supposed to be committed to you and his family, not her.

So unless cheating is acceptable to you - and I really hope it isn't - I would end the relationship.

I'd also be furious he's been texting a much younger female colleague - even if she's been texting back there's a massive power imbalance here - as that has the potential to get him sacked from his job - thus affecting family finances.

What a slimeball he sounds.

Tagandwrapping · 13/12/2022 11:24

OP, he will have told her that you're crazy. That's why she's blocked you.

CookPassBabtridge · 13/12/2022 11:29

So grim and cliché 🤢

rosemarysalter · 13/12/2022 12:54

He told her you're evil/crazy/depressed/suicidal

Likely to react in anger

She's crapping it now

bibbiddybobbidyboo · 13/12/2022 13:15

God I hate the over-use of the word "grim" on this site.

You've got to leave him. I'm assuming as standard on MN that he is the one who earns the money and has a high-powered job and you are a SAHM with little money? If not, get your ducks in order because he is most definitely cheating on you. You deserve better and so do your children.

Original poster
Oceniam · 13/12/2022 13:50

Thank you ladies, I wasn’t expecting this amount of replies. In no way shape or form am I just blaming the woman as some people on here thought I was, I solely checked her profile to see if I could find out anymore information, to see if he commented or liked any of her pictures etc, not that it would matter but still.

He’s been very lovey dovey to me this morning, very out of character for him which makes him look even more guilty. I asked him again if anything else has happened and low and behold something did. I told him not to bother coming back home tonight and to get his bags packed ‘let’s see if he actually listens’
I’ve spoken to his mum but she still thinks the sun shines out of his arse, he can’t do nothing wrong in her eyes unfortunately.

OP posts:
Pascor · 13/12/2022 14:02

Autumntimeagain · 13/12/2022 10:56

@WandaWonder A 24yr old is only a 'girl' compared to a 44yr old man, who was already 20yrs old when she was born ?

There's a huge gap in maturity there...

Her age is not relative to his, ffs. She is not an npc. Christ.

ScrappyCats · 13/12/2022 14:07

Well done OP. I’m sorry that there is more to it and I hope you have support around you to help you stay strong if he tries to manipulate in other to stay.

His DM sounds like part of the problem, don’t ever think that she is on your side as she has showed that she will make excuses for him of future

Everytime1 · 13/12/2022 14:11

I am going to come at it from a different angle as perhaps others have and tell you the story about when I was 20 and I had a 43/44 year old man who was pursuing me. I had just split up with an ex and was feeling emotionally unstable and lacking confidence. He came along, knew exactly what to say and now I know he actually had BPD which makes a lot of sense. He would continuously tell me and others in the office about how terrible his marriage was, how he was going to get divorced, how he was only staying with his wife for their child. It made it sound like they were both as unhappy as each other in their marriage but she knew he had the money he needed and he knew she had the child he wanted to be around. I, naively believed this. He went as far as to screenshot things about him getting legal advice and would make up stories about him buying a new house, etc… I completely thought he was talking to me romantically because he was unhappy and they were basically for all intents and purposes, split up. Of course, I now know this was a complete lie.

The point I am making though is the girl he’s talking to may or may not have been fed these same lies. She may have a wonderful idea of what will happen and may naively think she will end up with your husband. Whilst we cannot say if she is in the right or the wrong as we don’t know her emotions or what she has been told - we can 100% say your husband has done wrong and you do not deserve that.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 13/12/2022 14:12

liarliarshortsonfire · 13/12/2022 07:49

He's only admitting to what you can prove. Don't discount a physical affair just because he's said so.

She'll block you as she knows you've found out about the relationship and doesn't want you messaging her.

I'd go away at Christmas without him, give him a divorce for Christmas

This. And of course she's blocked you - it's entirely predictable. Why would she want the wife of the man she's dating/messaging getting in touch with her?

emptythelitterbox · 13/12/2022 14:37

Good that you've sent him away.
There's a thread on here called the script.
It shows how these cheater men are so predictable.
They lie and say things like, oh my wife doesn't understand me. We're like roommates. I just stay for the kids.

Also the chump lady website and book are very good.

80s · 13/12/2022 15:12

Sorry to hear that OP - what a disappointment he is as a man. Makes it a bit simpler if he's admitted to it, but still watch out for the usual (SO predictable) tricks...

C1N1C · 13/12/2022 16:05

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2022 09:36

He's probably told her all sorts. Your marriage is dead, no sex for years, you sleep in separate rooms, he's only staying for the kids, blah blah blah.

What a prick.

Wow, major speculation and judgement there! Or maybe he was going about his own business, happy in a marriage, but every day she got closer and closer to him, found him in his moments of weakness, wore sexy clothes, flirted with him, complimented him, paid him lots of attention... maybe all those negative things you suggested he might have said about his wife are true and he saw this younger lady as a freedom from oppression!

You just don't know... cheating is wrong whoever does it, but let's ease off on the man-hating speculation shall we? All we have is man sexting woman... no background at all.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 13/12/2022 16:07

All we have is man sexting woman... no background at all.

Sexting isn't something that you do accidentally 😂

ScrappyCats · 13/12/2022 16:16

I feel like I once met the same man as you @Everytime1 ! (Though I’m guessing there are a few around)

in my case I was newly separated and quite vulnerable. He told me his wife was crazy and cheating on him, he was only staying in the spare room so she couldn’t take custody of the child ( she was a terrible mother as well apparently!). Showed me screenshots of legal advice.

I believed him 😳 luckily it didn’t go too far. When he found it we had mutual friends he told his wife it was just texting but I was crazy and got obsessed with him. Apparently he had been at it for years

hookiewookie29 · 13/12/2022 17:50

Open front door.
Kick his sad arse out of it.
Shut the door behind him.
Change the locks.
Divorce him.

LexMitior · 13/12/2022 17:52

She is stupid and he's manipulating both of you.

Make arrangements for divorce. He won't stop doing this

MsDogLady · 13/12/2022 19:15

I asked him again if anything else has happened and low and behold something did.

So after downplaying initially, he decided to drip feed more details of his affair. Chances are he’ll never come completely clean re the extent of his betrayal. How insulting that he clearly believes he can manipulate you by being unusually affectionate.

Oceniam, kudos for asserting your boundaries and telling him to leave. He’s been investing emotionally and sexually in this OW, and now must face the music. I’m sorry that his mother is enabling his selfishness/entitlement instead of reading him the riot act.

Keep posting for support, Oceniam.

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