Bitter regret

[Monkeys1111]

My partner and I have been together for 10 years, I’m 35 he is 50. Bit of background, we don’t live together (his choice) but have a good relationship. We love each other dearly, sex has never been an issue.

about a year ago he started asking me to sleep with other men “for us” . Said it’s something he had always wanted - me to sleep with someone else and come back and share every detail with him (never mentioned it in the 9 years prior). I told him no, several times. He started to become distant and moody the more I refused and we broke up briefly. Got back together and it started again. constantly on at me to do it…

I know it’s not right but I eventually caved and started speaking to a man at my work (he also has a partner). This excited my boyfriend , I got caught up in the moment and went with it. Slept with the guy from twice, it didn’t make me feel particularly good about myself, but my partner became so loving and attentive. Almost obsessed with me, showering me with affection.

two weeks ago that all changed. He broke down crying telling me he had made a mistake and he was feeling really insecure and that we should never have done it. I broke it off with the work guy immediately, stopped all conversation. I was happy that my partner wanted me just for him (in my opinion the only way it should have ever been.

he’s been great since, we have seen each other lots. He’s been so lovely. Made me feel really special.

we were out yesterday, had a lovely day. Went back to his last nite everything was perfect. I wake up this morning to a drunk txt from work guy, nothing too much. Just drunk and reaching out. I immediately deleted it and never thought as that’s all finished now, and I didn’t want to bring it up and upset my partner.

he was off with me the full day, I asked wot was wrong for hours, he eventually said he seen the message and seen me delete it without telling him. So I’ve had to reassure him all day it was nothing. I only want him etc

I didn’t want any of this in the first place, now I’m left feeling vulnerable and like this is on me.

I don’t know what I’m looking to achieve by posting this. Maybe a hand hold or if anyone would have advice on what I can do to fix this

You're in a great position as you don't share children or any assets with him, and you can seperate cleanly. The only reason this is happening is because he is controlling and manipulating you via this, like I'm sure he does in many other ways in your relationship, not because of anything you have done wrong.

Abusers dial up and up, if he would have presented you with this scenario when you met you'd have run a mile, but you now know that this is toxic and you have recognised you need to do something about it.

He was a middle aged man who managed to bag you as a bereaved young woman and he has spent the last decade addling your brain. This is not your fault, but you do need to end this relationship with a firm clean break in order to get yourself to a better place.

Do you have close friends and family that you're still in touch with? Be honest with them that you really need their support while you sort this out.

Worst thing is, he'd be turned on by hearing that most likely. 🤢

He has manipulated you, gaslit you, pressured you into something you were not comfortable with & your wondering how to fix it?

Run, as fast as you can before this wanker strip's you entirely of your dignity & self esteem.

Yes it will get worse cos now he has ammunition .
Please leave while you still can and get counselling .
Please don’t bring kids into his reach . Wishing you a better life. X

He doesn’t even sound like a good boyfriend, age difference, cuck fetish and sulking aside.

Being a cuckold is to experience a form of psychological masochism. It is a cerebral pursuit whereby the man feels a kaleidoscope of feelings such as jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, and lust. It is a mental version of sensation play in which the emotions themselves are the sources of pleasure, bringing out some of our most intense reptilian instincts. A highly intelligent individual wants to experience this ‘psychological high’ for two reasons: to feel alive, and to feel diminished from the loss of control. In the book Masochism and the Self, author Roy Baumeister explains:
“Cuckolding is a form of escapism. Cucks are relieving themselves of the stress and burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less expansive role.”

Leave him.

This rotten loser is not worth one single thought or word. Dump him by text or just ghost him. He’s scum, trying to destroy a woman he’s nowhere near worthy of, for his own entertainment 🤢 He’d love you to plead, cajole, indulge him in long chats and analysing sessions-don’t bother.

You get one life. Relationships are solely for being easy, enhancing your life.

Just realised this disgusting man preyed on you when your parents had just died. Horrific.

I am still young, I’m considerably more attractive than he is but he likes to believe (and tell anyone who will listen) how I’m “punching” (above my weight being with him)

He sounds obnoxious, narcissistic and so on in every way @Monkeys1111 , And how he's being about you doing what he asked you to do is awful.

Please bin him. So many men would be better than this one in so many ways.

I feel disgusted, by him and by myself.

Don't feel disgusted by yourself @Monkeys1111 , he manipulated you into doing what you did, or you wouldn'tve done it.

he doesn’t want to live together or have kids… he has always said “he wants to miss me”

Unless he meets someone who feels similarly, and there aren't many people like that.

This is at best an unhealthy, kinda fucked up approach to a relationship.

What if suspect is it's not the total truth, however.

He doesn't want a live in partner for other reasons ..... Given he's gone down some cuckold fetish rabbit hole, strongly enough to coerce his partner of nearly a decade into it (except now hes gone back on that and is abusing you about it) .... Fk knows what else he's into.

I think he doesn't want a full-time partner who could see that or stumble upon things.

If suspect the cuckold thing is the top of the iceberg.