EOW arrangement with exh

[PopGoesTheProsecco]

My ExH left for the OW ten years ago now. Since then he’s had them every other weekend. There have been occasional blips - if he had a conference/had to attend Edinburgh Festival for work etc when I’’ve had them on ‘his’ weekend. For context he lives an hour away.

Now the kids are getting older (16, 12, 10) they’re making plans of their own at weekends. When they make plans on ‘his’ weekends they ask him whether it’s okay to not go to his house that weekend. He says ‘okay’. It seems that I’m the last one to know and then I’m left to sort out lifts, pick-ups etc on a weekend that I’m not down to have the kids.

I work full time, have an elderly mum I run errands for etc and have Long Covid (so energy not great).

I was looking forward to some child- free down time next weekend (have had a horribly virus this week and am exhausted), only to find that DD2 has agreed with him not to go to his house next weekend because she wants to go on a sleepover. So on my supposedly child-free weekend I have to drop off and pick up from the sleep over, take her to play a football match and take her to a team building event with her football team.

i don’t want to spoil the kids’ plans but it seems that every weekend he has the children one of them has made plans that mean they can’t go to his house.

In addition to my Long Covid, DD1 has SEN and can be difficult so the four days rest a month are really important to me.

Any advice?

Not blaming their dad at all. Maybe read all my posts.

But you seem unhappy he doesn’t do lifts etc on the weekend he’s supposed to have them? But you got could argue that if they don’t go to him as planned, it ends up being your weekend rather than his, even though he is prepared to have them?

This is how the cookie crumbles when parents split up though. So if you wanted to see your dad you would have to go EOW.

I don't think OP is blaming anyone but its a bit of an odd set up, the kids are not that little at 16 and 12 they are old enough to decide if they want to go to their own dads house. Dad should be able to drive 1 hour to OPS house because they are his kids.

If the kids don't want to go then they don't have to.

At 10 OP should be able to tell her child to watch a film so she can have a bit of peace too. I don't really know why there is an issue whos ever weekend it is, its THEIR responsibility to sort whatever out on a weekend.

I think it's outrageous your kids are making plans that involve you driving them places without even asking you first. Even on "your" weekends that seems extremely cheeky.

I would honestly sit them down and tell them that on your weekends with them, they need to check with you first as you may be busy or not able to and on their weekends with their dad, they need to ask him to drive them.

If they continue to muck you about, don't give them lifts. I know teens can be self centered but it's on you to teach them to respect you and your time

PopGoesTheProsecco
Good dad or world's worst dad, kids that age want to be with their friends.

I wouldn't give lifts, even if they miss out, if they haven't checked with you first. That will focus their memories.

(And unless you are free to do it)