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Original poster

Why do men think this behaviour is acceptable?

101 replies

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 16:31

I'm really annoyed right now!
I've been chatting to a guy I met off a dating site for a few weeks and the chat was nice and civilised. He's only 28 and I'm 20 years older but I didnt mind. He said he'd like to come up and visit me (he lives hours away) and I was happy with that. Then last night, when I asked him what he was up to, out of the blue, he sent me a video of him pleasuring himself! It was under the covers but you could quite clearly make out the details.
I wasn't sure how to respond but eventually replied with a yawning emoji which he laughed at and said I was really pretty. I said thanks and haven't heard from him since and I have no desire to ever meet him now!
This happens to me all the time. In fact only a few weeks ago a guy I was chatting to sent me a d!ck pic without any warning.
It's a major reason why I'm still single. I just can't seem to attract anyone decent.
Why do guys think it's acceptable to behave like this? It makes me really
Angry and despairing that there are no good men out there ☹️

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 01/12/2022 16:37

Then last night, when I asked him what he was up to

To a lot of young people, "what u up 2" means "would you like to have sex", and as he's far away, this would be via video.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 01/12/2022 16:38

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 01/12/2022 16:37

Then last night, when I asked him what he was up to

To a lot of young people, "what u up 2" means "would you like to have sex", and as he's far away, this would be via video.

Really, I've never heard that?!

minou123 · 01/12/2022 16:39

It's fucking awful isn't it!

I'm a good deal older than you and single and I hate to tell you it doesn't end.
Can't begin to tell you the number a dick pics or sexually harassing messages I have received over the years.

One of them I reported to the police.

Why do they do it? I don't know. They know it's unacceptable
Part of me thinks they get off on upsetting you. They get off on the power they over you.
Other part of me thinks, they think it's "sexy" and you're loving it.

Itsbeenashortyear · 01/12/2022 16:41

To be fair, you text sounds like a ‘u up?’ Text.

But he should have been sure before sending that. I assume you haven’t sent each other things like this before?

Were you hoping for a relationship? Rather than just sex?

minticecreamisjustok · 01/12/2022 16:57

If you invite men to your house, he's only got one thing on his mind, seems like it was excited at the thought. No surprise really.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 01/12/2022 17:01

My guess is that it would be his idea of heaven to receive a video of a woman masturbating, so he thought he was doing you a favour.

minou123 · 01/12/2022 17:03

minticecreamisjustok · 01/12/2022 16:57

If you invite men to your house, he's only got one thing on his mind, seems like it was excited at the thought. No surprise really.

WTF?

Your posts implies men cannot control thier "excitement" at the prospect of visiting a woman's house, and therefore its not surprising he sent a video of himself wanking.

Is that what you mean?

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:04

I didn't invite him to my house! He said he'd come up to meet me. Even if I did invite him to my house that isn't an excuse to sent an explicit video!

OP posts:
Biscuits1011 · 01/12/2022 17:04

I hate this too. Don’t get why they think we want photos of it. Yuck.

Spenn · 01/12/2022 17:04

Sounds like a you up text which precedes a booty call

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:07

Actually he sent me the late night text asking what I was up to, I merely replied.

Tbh I don't think there's any excuse for his behaviour. The video was totally out of the blue - there was no sexy talk preluding it.

OP posts:
AuntyPeanut · 01/12/2022 17:17

A lot of these online guys just want sex. What you up to sent late at night sounds like a booty call.
Anyway, guys that are too good looking or too young, of course they just want NSA sex.

newtb · 01/12/2022 17:19

Same thing happens all over, even if you say you're not interested in a ons. Latest person I was chatting to suggested a first meeting in a hôtel. Result - blocked and reported to site mods. Am getting very fed up. Thinking of leaving the sites, but want to meet someone, and agencies cost 000's.

Julienne4467 · 01/12/2022 17:20

They do it because women let them get away with it.
They do it because it saves them money on prostitutes or the local brothel
They do it as a competitive sport to see how many each man can bed in a week.
They share text "scripts" with each other to get women into bed on the first "date".
I work with over 200 men - it's a sport with them. Some of the workforce are married men with kids as well. The decent men don't use online dating. They talk to real live women in real life.

IncompleteSenten · 01/12/2022 17:20

It's not that they think it's acceptable.
It's that they don't care that it's not.
It's the 21st century version of flashing someone in the park.

They get off on knowing it's unwanted and disgusting and they forced it on us without consent.

magicstar1 · 01/12/2022 17:22

Well as you’re 48 and he’s 28, he must have thought you’d just looking for a shag. That’s probably the type of thing you’ll get online.

pictish · 01/12/2022 17:23

Can I ask why you would be happy with a man you’ve never met coming to stay?
As you’ve discovered, he’s a creep. He’s a creep who might have stayed in your house.
It’s a genuine ask. Are you not concerned for your personal safety?

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:24

Julienne that's really depressing to here ☹️

OP posts:
pictish · 01/12/2022 17:25

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:04

I didn't invite him to my house! He said he'd come up to meet me. Even if I did invite him to my house that isn't an excuse to sent an explicit video!

Oh ok…thank goodness. I was doing ‘hell no’ faces at your OP.

Original poster
Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:27

Pictish - I didn't invite him to stay at my house! He said he'd drive up to meet me. We never discussed arrangements and he certainly wouldn't have been welcome to stay in my house! He would have had to stay in a hotel.

And yes I'm looking for a relationship, not sex. In fact I haven't had sex for over a decade because I only have sex in a relationship and I can't find anyone decent! True story!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 01/12/2022 17:29

How odd that this seems to happen a lot toonsome folk. I'm 34 and use online dating a fair amount from time to time and have never, ever been sent a dick pic. Even back when I had not idea about red flags and how to spotearly red flags.

I never give out my number until I've actually met someone though. And I think dating aps tend to filter out dodgy pics right? Plus any talk of a sexual nature and I end the chat and block them.

Plus there's steps like never swiping on anyone who has a topless photo or q photo of them in bed etc... or a blank profile (no bio) Because they're usually just looking for sex.

Plus never put a photo of yourself up that shows too much skin. Because you'll attract the creeps more unfortunately.

PrincessConstance · 01/12/2022 17:32

I've had plenty of online dating experience. It never happened to me, I met DP online and he didn't do it either. He said he has done it but only when the two parties agreed to it.

AuntyPeanut · 01/12/2022 17:33

These guys consider their payment in driving hours to you and that you'll put them up. I strongly suggest you clarify accommodation arrangement next time.
Did you honestly think a 28 and a 48 can have a serious relationship?
He didn't flash you but he showed you what you were doing. You sent a playful emoji and then said thanks for a compliment. If I hated it so much I would have blocked him right there and then.

Pinkbonbon · 01/12/2022 17:35

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:27

Pictish - I didn't invite him to stay at my house! He said he'd drive up to meet me. We never discussed arrangements and he certainly wouldn't have been welcome to stay in my house! He would have had to stay in a hotel.

And yes I'm looking for a relationship, not sex. In fact I haven't had sex for over a decade because I only have sex in a relationship and I can't find anyone decent! True story!

But you didn't say that too him.If someone lives so far away from me that they'd have to book a hotel instead of going back home (or, if its an evening date and transport back home might be shit) if ask them what they plan to do regarding getting home. I'd actually refuse an evening date in this situation too if they proposed it.

Because tbh, if they don't then immediately volunteer their plan for getting home with prompting (ideally, without) then they are expecting to stay with you. Expecting sex. And in not saying anything, they assume that's the plan and you get what they are saying.

minou123 · 01/12/2022 17:36

Whoops, I misread you Op @Heidi3333 . I thought you were 20 years old.