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Original poster

Why do men think this behaviour is acceptable?

101 replies

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 16:31

I'm really annoyed right now!
I've been chatting to a guy I met off a dating site for a few weeks and the chat was nice and civilised. He's only 28 and I'm 20 years older but I didnt mind. He said he'd like to come up and visit me (he lives hours away) and I was happy with that. Then last night, when I asked him what he was up to, out of the blue, he sent me a video of him pleasuring himself! It was under the covers but you could quite clearly make out the details.
I wasn't sure how to respond but eventually replied with a yawning emoji which he laughed at and said I was really pretty. I said thanks and haven't heard from him since and I have no desire to ever meet him now!
This happens to me all the time. In fact only a few weeks ago a guy I was chatting to sent me a d!ck pic without any warning.
It's a major reason why I'm still single. I just can't seem to attract anyone decent.
Why do guys think it's acceptable to behave like this? It makes me really
Angry and despairing that there are no good men out there ☹️

OP posts:

Itsbeenashortyear · 01/12/2022 17:37

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:07

Actually he sent me the late night text asking what I was up to, I merely replied.

Tbh I don't think there's any excuse for his behaviour. The video was totally out of the blue - there was no sexy talk preluding it.

Ah from your op I took it that you sent that.

I think that’s exactly what he was intending when he messaged and no, it’s not ok if you have never done that sort of thing or were suggesting it.

However, trying to put this delicately. A 28 year old who live hours away, is unlikely to be looking for a long term committed relationship with a woman almost 50. I think you may need to be better at weeding men who only want sex out.

Doesnt excuse him sending that though

Oopsiedaisyy · 01/12/2022 17:38

Oh please, there was no way the OP in any way asked for a wanking video...

In the same way that having had a very pleasant afternoon with a guy who was actually too old for me (I'm 48 he said he was mid 50s..yeah right) that included a visit to a historic church... Later messaged me to say he wished i had got down to on my knees while inside it 🙄 and no, not to pray.

Any excuse, any reason.

Its not on us, its on them

pictish · 01/12/2022 17:38

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 17:27

Pictish - I didn't invite him to stay at my house! He said he'd drive up to meet me. We never discussed arrangements and he certainly wouldn't have been welcome to stay in my house! He would have had to stay in a hotel.

And yes I'm looking for a relationship, not sex. In fact I haven't had sex for over a decade because I only have sex in a relationship and I can't find anyone decent! True story!

Yes alright. I saw that. Again, I’m glad and sorry to have misunderstood.

If you’re looking for a relationship not sex, it’s unlikely you’re going to find it with a man 20 years your junior who lives hours away.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 01/12/2022 17:49

Julienne4467 · 01/12/2022 17:20

They do it because women let them get away with it.
They do it because it saves them money on prostitutes or the local brothel
They do it as a competitive sport to see how many each man can bed in a week.
They share text "scripts" with each other to get women into bed on the first "date".
I work with over 200 men - it's a sport with them. Some of the workforce are married men with kids as well. The decent men don't use online dating. They talk to real live women in real life.

Ooh can you share the scripts please so we know what to look out for?! I’ve recently had a fling with a younger man. I knew it was just sex from the start tbh but I’d love to know if the things he said were established PUA lines 😂

RosettaStormer · 01/12/2022 17:52

Why don’t these disgusting men just use prostitutes? It would be much clearer for everyone.

AuntyPeanut · 01/12/2022 17:54

RosettaStormer · 01/12/2022 17:52

Why don’t these disgusting men just use prostitutes? It would be much clearer for everyone.

Because money. Nothing moralistic or ethical about their reluctance sadly.

AuntyPeanut · 01/12/2022 17:56

And women have been told it's empowering to have NSA sex.
Casual sex harms women more than men but is sold to women as this feminist thing to be cool with FWB and one night stands.

Pinkbonbon · 01/12/2022 17:56

Plus the thrill of the chase. The conquest. The ego stroke plus they know for a fact the woman like them. As opposed to the prostitute just acting.

category12 · 01/12/2022 17:58

I wasn't sure how to respond but eventually replied with a yawning emoji which he laughed at and said I was really pretty. I said thanks and haven't heard from him since and I have no desire to ever meet him now!

Why respond at all? You haven't heard from him since? Why would you want to?

To me, an unsolicited wanking vid or dick pic would be an instant block. If you're bemoaning men crossing your boundaries, why are you still letting such a guy have a way of communicating with you?

rwalker · 01/12/2022 17:58

The majority of people on line it’s purely sex driven not look for a partner

MermaidEyes · 01/12/2022 18:03

A lot of men aren't actually very smart. They'd love to get an unsolicited tit or vag pic or masturbating video from a woman, so assume most women would feel the same about one from a man.
Agree with some pp though, if you're looking for a relationship and not casual sex, a man 20 years your junior is not what you're looking for and you should have given him a swerve from the get go.

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 18:08

Itsbeenashortyear - yes you are right, it was v unlikely that a good looking young guy would be interested in a relationship with me but he seemed quite decent up until the video so I wasn't exactly sure...

I haven't blocked him because I'm hoping when he contacts me again I can either ignore him or tell him to get lost.

OP posts:

Itsbeenashortyear · 01/12/2022 18:18

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 18:08

I haven't blocked him because I'm hoping when he contacts me again I can either ignore him or tell him to get lost.

Not sure why you added in the ‘good looking’ bit.

It’s not really about looks. And I didn’t say or imply he was too good looking for you. I have no clue what he or you look like.

But realistically it wasn’t ever going to be a serious relationship. If that’s what you are looking for you shouldn’t be entertaining
people like him.

In your head, since you are looking for a relationship, you must have weighed up the chances of it being serious? How you would maintain a serious long distance relationship, is he really likely to want to settle down with a 50 year old and not have kids etc.

as for the ‘I won’t block him so I can play games’, that makes you come across really childishly. What he did was wrong. Tell him to get lost and block him. Why do you need him to contact you first? You want to know that he is still interested.

He did something you find disgusting. But you still want an ego boost from him. You say you want a serious relationship, it doesn’t seem your mindset is right for that.

category12 · 01/12/2022 18:24

Heidi3333 · 01/12/2022 18:08

I haven't blocked him because I'm hoping when he contacts me again I can either ignore him or tell him to get lost.

You had the opportunity to tell him that at the time! Instead you said thanks when he told you that you were pretty. 🙄

josuk · 01/12/2022 18:28

I think it’s a matter of miscommunication.
In this case, et least. The other duck pick is just one of the weirdos.

A 28yo guy is not looking for a relationship with someone 20years older. He took your invitation to come up as a hookup. (and until you clarified that in your head it wasn’t - so did I)
So when you asked what’s up - he clearly thought it was a sexual banter. Prior to the actual hookup.
He does get extra points for not sending you the fully xRated version.

Oneofthosewsillydays · 01/12/2022 18:28

He was just looking for a hook up, nothing more. The fact he wanted to 'come vist' you is the giveaway. He didn't suggest a date, and considering you both haven't even met once and he wanted to come to your house is a strong hint.

Oneofthosewsillydays · 01/12/2022 18:31

No offence and i know there are exceptions to the rule, but a 28 year old man would rarely seek a relationship with a 48 year old woman. He saw it as an easy hookup, probably thinking you'd be flattered by this younger guy and jump at the chance. I know it couldn't be further from the truth, ut this can be the way some guys think unfortunately.

Redwineandroses · 01/12/2022 18:32

I'm sure men send videos like that in hope you'll do the same! Problem is men get off on women pleasuring themselves whereas women just don't get the same thrill from men pleasuring themselves.. because they just look gross.

Itsbeenashortyear · 01/12/2022 18:39

Op, it’s not the first time you have gone for a much younger man, only to find out it doesn’t work out, is it?

Treacletoots · 01/12/2022 18:39

Because an alarming number of men really genuinely believe women enjoy this and it will lead to a reciprocal video or more.

Because not enough people in their life have told them its not acceptable

Because even those who know its not acceptable don't care.

If we perhaps had better sex education, less misogyny and a higher level of emotional intelligence in men overall they'd figure it out for themselves that this isn't what women want. Until that day... we just have to keep laughing at them and block. "You going fishing with that worm mate? You won't catch very much with such a small one" being my favourite.

WakingUpDistress · 01/12/2022 18:46

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 01/12/2022 17:01

My guess is that it would be his idea of heaven to receive a video of a woman masturbating, so he thought he was doing you a favour.

Really?!?

The fact that women don’t like receiving dick picture etc…STILL is an issue?
We are still going down the route of ‘he thought it was nice/you’d like it etc..’

Even though EVERY woman has said that unsolicited pics like this are NOT OK….

hellokitties · 01/12/2022 18:58

OP - it's happened to me too.

I turned down a date with someone I was chatting to as there were too many red flags. Then he sends me a nude photo.

It's luck of the draw on these dating sites.

Opentooffers · 01/12/2022 19:27

Lol, could you not see this happening as a possibility? Your 48, he's 28 - but you're looking for a relationship!! Really, stop talking to inappropriate people for starters. If someone OLD and 20 years younger, sends me a friendly message, likes my pics or communicates anything the first instinct is that they want a MILF which results in an immediate block. Why are you entertaining them? Your filters are way off. Can't say I ever had a dick pick sent to me after over a decade of OLD. There are clear signs to these types of people, you are just not seeing them if it keeps happening.

Speedweed · 01/12/2022 19:50

He's 28, you're 48. He's looking for an 'older woman' experience like he's seen on porn. You seem to be treating it like the start of a relationship?

As others have said, your message sounds like you're asking for pics/video, and just as you've both got your wires crossed about what you're each looking for, you've also got your wires crossed about what you were asking.

You're not on the same page with anything, so chuck him back in the sea!

Original poster

Heidi3333 · 02/12/2022 09:07

Thanks for the replies ladies.

I think in this instance I've been a bit naive in thinking this guy could have been interested in anything other than NSA 'fun'. However, I still think there is any excuse for sending explicit material like that without asking if I'd be interested.

I do tend to be attracted to younger guys (although 20 years younger is extremes for me!) but this just seems to encourage lots of them to view me as a milf and therefore open to receiving explicit material 😩.

But I know it's not just me. My brother is on some dating sites and he says about 90% of womens profiles state "no d!ck pics". Seems likes it's widespread. It's really frustrating when you're actually looking for a relationship.

OP posts:

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