AIBU to be bothered by my husband looking at young women?

[occupationalhazard123]

We are both in our 50s have been together 5 years and married for 2. We have a great life, fantastic sex life and he is a wonderful step dad to my two girls. I have known him most of my life so I know who he is and what kind of person he is. I'm completely confident that he is a faithful man and not at all lecherous. I've never noticed him looking at women when we were friends but since we've been together I have noticed that if there is a young woman in a tight skirt or leggings I can be pretty sure he will take a look at some point. He's not staring or ogling but certainly registers that they are there. The first time it happened really noticeably I called him out on it and he denied it emphatically. We've had the same argument a few times and each time he tells me I am wrong and that he just generally looks around and sees everyone equally. He is really distracted by movement when we are out and it is true that he will be aware of what is going on at another table in a restaurant etc. When I have read threads like this before the responses are always to talk to him and tell him to stop. However, I don't know what to do if you raise the subject and he denies that it is happening! I think he genuinely believes this, but the problem is that I genuinely believe that he is doing it! I feel really embarrassed when it happens and know what everyone around us would think if they saw him. We are really happy together and have a good, honest relationship, but this one thing really bothers me. It is at the point where he knows I am watching him when we're out and it makes him feel on edge too, so we are both uncomfortable. AIBU about this? Should I just relax and accept that it is only a handful of times and is meaningless? Are there any men out there can put this into perspective for me?

@occupationalhazard123
If he is not aware that he is doing this, then he certainly won't feel a need to change anything. How long is long enough to look ? If you think that he has looked longer than you approve, you might say don't like " earth to Bob." This can be your code phrase to bring his attention back to you. Be careful that you don't create a major issue by trying to fix an insignificant action.

I think that given all of the positive things that you say about him, I would ignore this . if you don't call attention to this , it quite likely that no one else will notice.

If he were looking at attractive 60 year old women would you object? Attractive young women are often accustomed to being stared at. If he is not oogling or making inappropriate comments and gestures , you may be creating a problem where none really exists.

However, I was happily married for many years before and never once had this conversation!

Hmm, so you were never aware of your ex doing this, but you’re really noticing your current DH’s behavior?

That suggests it’s fairly overt and the young women may be noticing it as well. That’s pretty grim and embarrassing. Perhaps try mimicking his behavior one day so he realizes what it’s like sitting with someone who’s doing that?

My husband is in his 70s and has always noticed attractive women, it didn't bother me when he was younger but to be honest I don't like it now, it seems pervy at his age and I tell him so.

Myself and my partner (male) both notice if we see an attractive women. Or if someone has a really classy outfit, cool style, funky hair. We will both catch each other looking, laugh and make a small comment or wonder were the shoes/coat are from etc. We both notice when women are sexually or physically appealing. I wouldn’t know how to switch it off. I’m just appreciative of attractive women (not always physical looks it can’t be their confidence, charisma etc!).

im not Bi-sexual or curious. I just enjoy taking in the world around me. Im not stood there dribbling at them. Im similar with men. Im not thinking of having sex with these folks.

im lucky that myself and partner both understand we can find others attractive without it being something sleazy.

This behaviour on a regular basis is disgusting. No fucking way would my DP disrespect me by boggling, leering, checking out, or eyeing up anybody. It's a blatant display akin to a dog humping a fluffy cushion. Every time I see a guy doing this I imagine a humping dog. I'd tell him to GTF personally.

I think your perspectiveness is way over board and controlling. My hubby will look at people all the time and I couldn't care less who because I know the majority he's actually thinking of a hundred other things and barely even noticing them even tho it looks like he's looking. If your hubby says he isn't then leave it why make a thing of it when there isnt

I think it’s worse with men who don’t have daughters .
I would feel terrible him doing this with girls your daughters age.
I would leave this relationship if it was me .
I find it disgusting .

I experienced the same with my now ex. I tend to agree with the above comment. Mine was/is a good looking guy, always able to get a girl, but as he's getting on a bit - balding, heavier - it's almost like he hasn't quiet realised that and is still testing if he can still get a look back. My guy was also perfect in so many ways, but my gut never trusted him!!! You know how you feel - and your being honest with yourself.