My inheritance

[cheeseybeans19]

I recently lost my parents within 4 years of each other, and along with my brothers have received an inheritance which is 5 figures If that makes any difference. I have a 10 year old and a partner although we are not yet married. We have had a couple of holidays and upgraded the car, had a new bed and bedroom and some furniture. I’d like to treat myself to a watch, my dad collected them and had 3, that he left to my brothers. We often looked at them online together. Now I am in a position to buy one ( second hand ) as something to keep from my parents, but my partner is implying that’s selfish of me. Is it? I know that my sisters in law have not laid any claim to my brothers share, but obviously everyone’s finances are different. We are not struggling for money and this watch although more than I’d have been able to afford previously, still doesn’t take up a big chunk of the money. I could do with some
opinions as I just don’t know what to think any more. I would give anything to have my parents back and am still really struggling with grief so that doesn’t help as I am in general a bit all over the place. But one thing I’ve learned from losing them is that life is short and you’re only here once.

It’s your money OP, you’ve shared a lot with your DP and DC, you don’t have to share all of it. If it feels right for you to have the watch, just go ahead.

It's your money. It was left to you & does not belong to anyone else. I assume it is in an account in your name only. Treat yourself, & don't even bother to discuss it!

Great yourself! Presumably you'd rather have your dad over a watch!

There's an undertone here about your partner that I don't like. 5 figures is a lot of money. What's the long term plan for the money?

Absolutely treat yourself to the watch. Even if you were married, your partner should not be trying to stop that. It will be lovely to have something tangible that you wear every day to remember your parents by.

Are there any problems with debt, or ill health and worries about retirement? It sounds like you’re spending when perhaps he thinks it would be important to save for a rainy day?

It's your money and you can do what you like with it. Has he ever come into money and let you decide what to do with it?

Buy the watch. Then have a serious think about the rest of the money assuming your relationship is good discuss and agree with your partner what to do with the rest but first buy the watch

Agree, it is your money to do with as you wish. I’d buy the watch and put the rest in a pension fund for yourself that your 10yr old can inherit.

I will come into an inheritance shortly, also a five figure sum and I absolutely consider it to be family money and not mine. But there is no way my husband would tell me that I cannot buy something for myself and in fact if I said I was going to spend £5k or whatever on a watch for me, he would help me pick one out. So no, you are not being at all unreasonable, he is being an arse.

I did this. I bought a Cartier Tank. I don't see why your partner even has a say over something that if bought well will be an investment anyway and a reminder of your parents.

My DH has inheritance I would never dream of telling him what he can spend the money on. Its his relative I don't see myself as having any claim whatsoever on his loss.
It's clearly important to you therefore state this to your partner

I do not like the sound of your partner at all and would actually further think about the nature of your relationship with him. Why is he implying you are being selfish here; does he think you are not worthy of buying such an item for yourself?. This is a red flag.

You are not being at all selfish in buying a watch in the circumstances you describe.

Your partner sounds a dick and I would think twice about marrying him, is what I think.

This is not at all a good quality in a partner and that you have to ask us if it's okay is also not a good sign of your own boundaries with him. Is he controlling in other ways? How much financial independence do you normally have?

Interesting that you’ve not said if you’re male or female, but a few posters who don’t like the sound of your partner have all referred to them as “him”.

What do you mean by "implying"? What did he say?

most posters on mn are female, but fair enough, change my use of he/him to they/them in your head. It makes no difference. op's partner sounds dodgy and controlling.

Giving my view, I think you should get the watch to remember your dad. I think your partner should understand that. If she doesn’t, then you have a problem but hopefully you can talk and get her to see

i agree with previous posters - you should get the watch , your dad would have loved that i'm sure

OP Your header says it all. 'My Inheritance'. Yours to do with as you wish.

I would consider this family money (but I’m married), even with that being said, I’d expect either one of us could get ourselves a treat. While I personally don’t get the whole each thing, it is actually something my DH family do. He collects watches as does my FIL so in that respect, I understand it.

Have you plans to marry op? Betting your dp does now. Think hard before signing 50% of that cash to him..

I would get the watch, eventually it could be passed down to your dd

you're not selfish. If you was you would have spent it on stuff just for you. I would be telling my partner to give their head a wobble

Guess it depends really what he is suggesting as an alternative.
Invest the money for your daughter to have a deposit on a house later in life, fair enough.
Spend the money on a season ticket for him to watch football, not so fair.

What is the earning difference between you and partner, and do you pool salaries. If he is working long hours and paying 90% of the bills I can see why he might be a bit miffed. But if there is a more even split then its fair to do have an indulgent purchase.

It is though your money and your decision.

Why would the OPs 3 brothers get a watch and not the OP if OP is also male? I assume the brothers got the watches and not the OP since they were mens watches and OP is a woman.

My DH is coming into an inheritance which is quite high 5 figures. I've taken the stance that while it would be nice to ease our financial burden by paying off some of our mortgage/do house renovations, ultimately I will not force him. I will admit that I would be a bit frustrated as I outearn him and therefore pay more of our joint expenses, but ultimately I accept it is not my money.

He's lost a parent. If he wanted to spend his money on something to remind him of them, or for something they would be happy with him doing, I can't begrudge him that.