My inheritance

[cheeseybeans19]

I recently lost my parents within 4 years of each other, and along with my brothers have received an inheritance which is 5 figures If that makes any difference. I have a 10 year old and a partner although we are not yet married. We have had a couple of holidays and upgraded the car, had a new bed and bedroom and some furniture. I’d like to treat myself to a watch, my dad collected them and had 3, that he left to my brothers. We often looked at them online together. Now I am in a position to buy one ( second hand ) as something to keep from my parents, but my partner is implying that’s selfish of me. Is it? I know that my sisters in law have not laid any claim to my brothers share, but obviously everyone’s finances are different. We are not struggling for money and this watch although more than I’d have been able to afford previously, still doesn’t take up a big chunk of the money. I could do with some
opinions as I just don’t know what to think any more. I would give anything to have my parents back and am still really struggling with grief so that doesn’t help as I am in general a bit all over the place. But one thing I’ve learned from losing them is that life is short and you’re only here once.

I did exactly this with some inheritance. I got £7,000 which my DP and I used mainly to refurbish a bathroom (he had previously spent an inheritance on home improvements too). I said to DP I'd like to also buy myself something as a reminder of my Gran too, and bought a watch. Not massively expensive at £700, but certainly more that I'd ever normally spend.

Give it 10-15 years and we'll have either moved house or the bathroom will have been refitted. Whereas I'll have the watch forever and will think of her whenever I wear it.

YANBU OP - it's your money and you've spent plenty of it on your family. Like my money, none of it is something you'll have forever, so buy yourself something that will remind you of them, and something that you could potentially pass on to your children too.

I think it depends a bit on how long he has been your partner and whether he is the father of your child.

I came into an inheritance 20 years and 3 children into my relationship. There was never any doubt that this was family money and we put all of it into the mortgage. However if we had only been together a short while and I had a child from a previous relationship, I would feel very different about it and would put money into an account for ds’s future and buy whatever I wanted.

I do think you should buy the watch regardless.

I got an inheritance 5 years ago. I spent some of it on holidays, 2 cars (one for me and one for DS) and some new furniture. I still have a decent amount left in accounts in my name. All our other finances are joint. If I wanted to buy something for me with the money I know DH would have no objection whatsoever. In all liklihood it will stay where it is until DS wants to buy a house (he's saving up a deposit currently and doesn't know i might give him a lump sum). I'm sure his Grandparents would approve of me helping him get a roof over his head.

I'm married and we have joint money. My husband knows that when I inherit (around £300k) I will secure that money so he can't make claim to it. My parents didn't work all their lives for him to take half in event of divorce.

😮😮

I assume that means if he inherited money or won the lottery you would also feel that it was his money only?

And I assume you don’t have children or ever relied on him for money?

Is he your child's father? I don't think you should have shared any of the money with him, personally.

I got an inheritance and invested it so I can retire early. I consider it mine. DH is a high earner and has already made provision so he can do the same. When and if he gets an inheritance, likely to be mare then mine, he can do what he wants with it.

Buy the watch.

I'm not sure if it makes any difference but good quality watches keep their value or even increase. DH had his valued recently and it is worth more now than it was 20 years ago.

He is a partner, not your DH right? Then financially it’s your money and you can do whatever you want.
you could have decided to keep it all for yourself and invest it instead.

I think instead you’ve been extremely generous. I doubt your partner would be happy to share his savings with you so ….

You're not married and so he has no say in how you spend the money. If he wants it to be considered family money then he needs to marry you.

Also, a 5 figure sum could be £10K or it could be £99K. One requires more thought than the other. As a comfortably off family it's OK to spend £10K on cars and holidays, but £99K should be invested (and since you're not married a larger sum like that should go into your pension or if you spend it on the mortgage ring fence it).

I've been married for 20 odd years, have 3DC and when I got an early inheritance in the same ballpark a big chunk went on the mortgage but I also spent some money on some good quality furniture that will hold its value. I didn't ring fence my mortgage contribution because with such a long marriage and children it becomes pointless.

It’s your money, but 5 figures is not life changing by all means treat yourself, if it was me I would treat my partner too, it’s important to maintain the relationship and not create resentment that will fester.

Sheesh this is not a nice thing for you to be going through OP. I very unexpectedly lost my mum earlier this year and will have both inherited and been the beneficiary of pensions and such like to the tune of low 6 figures once everything is settled as a sole beneficiary. My husband and I have been together for 17 years in total, married for 6 of those.

Whilst I have put some money into our joint savings, have made some over payments to our mortgage and such like (because I wanted to), I can absolutely guarantee that at the point where I've spent some of the money on having some of my mums jewellery altered to fit/suit me, or if I wanted to buy a watch, that if my husband stated that this was selfish of me, that I would be seriously considering whether our marriage were to continue.

I very much doubt that you're thinking of spending 5k on a watch, and at the same time are in food and fuel poverty, therefore I really cannot see why it is, after all the money that you have shared with him, that he feels that he has the right to make a moral judgement as to how you spend the money that you have inherited through the loss of both of your parents. It says an awful lot about a persons values and intentions if they see you purchasing this watch to remember your dad, as essentially a loss of money that they could have otherwise utilised.

As an aside, due to inflation, cash sat in stasis in the bank is losing value every day. A good quality watch of excellent provenance is an investment piece during uncertain times.

TL:DR - No you are not selfish, buy the watch, remember your lovely dad.

You are not married so this money is yours. If you were married then he should have a say - but you’re not married. That said, I’m not married but consider all my money as “ours”.

I think it’s a nice idea to buy something to remember your dad by, and I’m surprised your partner doesn’t feel this way too.

Buy the watch
Enjoy it and one day you can give it to your child.

I am an old cynic. All I can hear is a manipulative boyfriend wanting a new watch and trying to guilt you into being 'unselfish'. Bet it gets mentioned again before Christmas. I could be massively wrong.
Buy your watch.

Absolutely buy the watch.
I got left a small amount of money when my gran died, nothing like your amount but enough to do something with it, family holiday, new car etc.
My ex DH, who I wouldn't say was great, insisted that it was my money and encouraged me to buy something that when I looked at it it would remind me of my gran and make me smile.

Thank you for all the advice, I’m grateful for everyone’s input.

I received a large inheritance.I bought my DH a £10k gift and paid for a nice holiday. We've always had separate finances and that remains the same. We are both retired living on private money until pensions kick in at 60. We still broadly split household bills ( no mortgage) but I quietly supplement lifestyle costs the car, theatre, concert tickets, about 1 meal out in 5 , paying for friends and family hospitality. For holidays I'll generally pick up 2/3 of the cost. I will pay for two new properties we are planning to purchase but the decisions will be joint. So we have a nice lifestyle, DH contributes and I'm happy to pay more but that's my choice- the inheritance is mine. He'll also inherit a decent amount IDC and it will be his money

Sorry made that all about me! Definitely buy the watch!