My inheritance

[cheeseybeans19]

I recently lost my parents within 4 years of each other, and along with my brothers have received an inheritance which is 5 figures If that makes any difference. I have a 10 year old and a partner although we are not yet married. We have had a couple of holidays and upgraded the car, had a new bed and bedroom and some furniture. I’d like to treat myself to a watch, my dad collected them and had 3, that he left to my brothers. We often looked at them online together. Now I am in a position to buy one ( second hand ) as something to keep from my parents, but my partner is implying that’s selfish of me. Is it? I know that my sisters in law have not laid any claim to my brothers share, but obviously everyone’s finances are different. We are not struggling for money and this watch although more than I’d have been able to afford previously, still doesn’t take up a big chunk of the money. I could do with some
opinions as I just don’t know what to think any more. I would give anything to have my parents back and am still really struggling with grief so that doesn’t help as I am in general a bit all over the place. But one thing I’ve learned from losing them is that life is short and you’re only here once.

If you can afford it then go for it.

I assume you already have a mortgage and all of the important bits?

Can I ask why you didn’t get one of your dads watches?

My only concern would be that you may be buying it to find closure or s connection with your dad but the reality might be a bit different to what you are expecting.

I say go for it though and pass it down to your DS as a similar tradition.

This.

You need to have a real second think.

Calling you selfish is not something mynhusband has done in 30 years of marriage so I think it is a very very nasty thing to say about buying a token witj your inheritance from your parents.

Do NOT fritter this money away.

Keep it in your own bank account as safety money, I think you may need it.

That would drive me crazy. Wouldn’t care how financially clued up he is, he would be told to fucking reel it back and reminded what an insensitive arse he’s being.

I would also be getting independent advice.
imagine if in years to come, even though your still not married he tries and makes a claim on your investments because of his financial advice.

If they live together and have a child, there isn't much difference to the scenario imo, just because they don't have a marriage certificate. They're living as a family and things should be decided/spent as a family. Legally what the op can do with the money as they aren't married doesn't change the fact that bahving that way isn't necessarily the right thing to do.

Impossible to say without more information.

Five figures could be 10k or 99k and you don't give his reasons for not wanting you to keep spending.

Some people are reckless with money and spend it straight away whilst others plan and save. He could be unreasonable, or entirely sensible. We don't know from what you have posted.

It's your money. Not your partners. Please get the watch - and be very careful what you spend on said partner now he sounds quite selfish and greedy.

Money has been spent on family things.

Now that op wants to buy something to remember them by they are selfish.

Would you really just carry on buying your partner things after that when they have already benefited? Surely as a partnership you would be supporting them to buy something just for them?

@Roundandnour I saw that money has been spent on family things - the OP however has not provided any additional context about what their family/financial situation is like, which may be relevant to whether or not this purchase for themself would be reasonable.

I can tell you hands down my ex would have used an inheritance on 'family things', trips, cars etc...and then would have also spent the rest and bought himself a thirty thousand dollar watch or whatever without batting an eye towards debt, so all said and done we'd still be in trouble financially. I'd have tried to put my foot down even on vacations and such wanting to get debts and such cleared first but it wouldn't have made a difference. Soo...we can't assume anything by what's been posted by the OP. We have not been given context 🤷‍♀️

This is fair

i think a big spend when there are debts is more problematic than if everything is fine.

I think it is a good idea to buy a lasting memento with the inheritance. Something you can look at in future and know your DF bought you, even when the money is gone.

Who is being unreasonable in this situation is very dependent upon context. I mean how much you are thinking of spending, how much will be left, what your current financial position is, what he says you should be doing with it etc.

Think about how you will feel in 10/20/30 years about what you did with the money. Will you regret an expensive watch in future if you are struggling with an insufficient pension for example.

Oh I see.

A sliding scale of entitlement & control, depending on the value of monies received ...?

Nice!

They are not married. That's the point.

Have you posted about this before?

It sounds identical to a previous thread but the sexes were changed.

How funny we were just having that conversation this morning.

I am on track to inherit a six figure sum, (hurry up probate) I saw this watch.

www.beaverbrooks.co.uk/0113889/OMEGA-De-Ville-Prestige-Steel-and-18ct-Sedna-Gold-Diamond-Ladies-Watch/p

I showed it to DH and said we could get you a new watch as well, replied thank you but I like my watch, as I walked away I said nah... that could go towards the "new" car I am coveting.

He replied, if you get the car, you are getting the watch, you can't be grown up all your life.

And that OP is where the difference lies.

Get the watch ditch the partner

Buy the watch, he's just jealous.

If he and the DC have benefitted from the money, then treat yourself and stash the rest away

and don't marry your partner

I bought a diamond bracelet, when I received my inheritance from my Dads family. I would not think anything of using some of it if you want to.Go ahead and treat yourself and think of your dad when you wear it

Agree. Legally and morally it's not "family money."

I'll bet half my savings that if partner were the one who inherited, he sure as hell wouldn't think it "family money" to be spent as the OP sees fit!

Please buy yourself whatever watch you want.

Oh my god buy the watch. It's your money. Will there be much left. Think very carefully what you do with that.

I am on track to inherit a six figure sum, (hurry up probate) I saw this watch.

I think you can do what you like with your own money but if I knew you I would be trying to encourage you to rethink.

£5k to spend on a watch is a ridiculous amount of money, especially as it is likely to get lost or broken and you can get just as nice looking ones for less than £100 (and probably just as good quality).

It's your money. Your parents worked and left money to provide for you not your partner.

I'm married and we have joint money. My husband knows that when I inherit (around £300k) I will secure that money so he can't make claim to it. My parents didn't work all their lives for him to take half in event of divorce.

Beautiful watch. I wish you well to wear it.

Is he the father to your child? If so, why haven’t you got married in all this time? Has he been stalling, or is there another reason?

Its your money, he sounds like an entitled gold digger, he’s already benefited enough.

Sorry for the delay in coming back to the thread, I have only just finished work. I have read all the replies and appreciate them all. To answer a few questions, we have no debt and are fairly comfortable, not rich by any means but comfortable. My partner isn’t a bad man, he is very hard working and really did help me through when my parents were dying. However we do come from totally different families, mine are very close and show our feelings and affection where as his are not like that at all. His parents are in good health so fortunately he hasn’t had to deal with bereavement. Their relationship is ok, and they are hands on grandparents but haven’t always been great towards my partner and he often said he felt closer to my parents. My dad actually left him a sentimental item as he thought the world of him, it was hard for him to leave me anything physical as I am the only girl, however I did inherit mums jewellery when she died. The main reason I’d like the watch is that it is something we shared an interest in, and I’m fairly sure that he would have bought one to leave to me as he had my brothers, and we had often looked at them and ones that I liked. Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it so much, I have been really struggling with my grief and am still having bereavement counselling, so can’t always think clearly for myself.