My inheritance

[cheeseybeans19]

I recently lost my parents within 4 years of each other, and along with my brothers have received an inheritance which is 5 figures If that makes any difference. I have a 10 year old and a partner although we are not yet married. We have had a couple of holidays and upgraded the car, had a new bed and bedroom and some furniture. I’d like to treat myself to a watch, my dad collected them and had 3, that he left to my brothers. We often looked at them online together. Now I am in a position to buy one ( second hand ) as something to keep from my parents, but my partner is implying that’s selfish of me. Is it? I know that my sisters in law have not laid any claim to my brothers share, but obviously everyone’s finances are different. We are not struggling for money and this watch although more than I’d have been able to afford previously, still doesn’t take up a big chunk of the money. I could do with some
opinions as I just don’t know what to think any more. I would give anything to have my parents back and am still really struggling with grief so that doesn’t help as I am in general a bit all over the place. But one thing I’ve learned from losing them is that life is short and you’re only here once.

I hadnt cottened on to that, but fair play to the guy OP, he avoided lots of rounds of "all money is family money" he would have got if outed self.

Buy the watch op. Cars, holidays and sofas will come and go, but the watch, a good watch will last a lifetime and you'll be reminded of your dad every-time you look at it. I'm sure your dad would approve too

I don't like the sound of your partner, either. Who the hell do they think they are?

You've done a lot for your family with the money.

You want to buy something to remember your parents by.

I don't see an issue with that.

Your OH needs to wind their neck in.

You aren't even married he has zero entitlement to your inheritance when you have spent most of it to benefit the family anyhow

Bin the partner, he’s a cocklodger.

Spend what you like! It’s yours!

Buy the watch. Don't get married.

My DM passed this year and my oh is extremely interested in what I'm going to do with my inheritance, I think he thinks I'm going to piss it up the wall 🙄
He is however very clued up financially and is, I think, chomping at the bit to advise me.
He wouldn't however say I was selfish to spend some of it on myself.
Buy the watch op ❤️

Buy the watch. You will think of your dad every time you look at it. I think you’ve been more than generous with most of it disappearing into the family ‘pot’.

So your partner has benefitted from your generosity with a couple of holidays and upgraded the car, had a new bed and bedroom and some furniture - but says you are selfish for wanting to buy yourself a watch as a memento of your dad?

JFC.

He's doing a right number on you OP.

What's the financial split like usually?

Unfortunately I'm in a similar position, right down to the 5 figure inheritance. It's horrid and I'm sorry that you're going through it.

I think your partner is being very unreasonable especially given the circumstances of how you've gained the money through loss. Really, it's none of their business how you wish to spend your money. You've already spent some in a way that benefits them and I think you'd have regrets if you didn't buy the watch.

With my inheritance, I've paid a chunk off my mortgage and saved the rest for a rainy day really although I do intend to buy an item of jewellery but I've not seen the right thing yet. I'd be so upset if my husband had a problem with me wanting to buy something after such an awful time.

Funny how he didn't raise any rainy day concerns when OP was lavishing cash on holidays & items which benefitted him then innit @pjani ?

The moment she wants to do one small thing for herself - he kicks off.
Nasty.

Buy the watch and definitely don't marry him.

You appear to have spent a good percentage of your inheritance on things that directly benefit your partner already. Have they acknowledged that? You've been generous in sharing with the family already.

A watch will give you a tangible reminder and link to your father and be something you in turn can pass down to your child to keep that link going. Just do it, you don't need to justify this purchase to your partner at all.

I would also have a think about any remaining funds and what you might look to do with those too. I'd urge you not to feel pressured or guilty about that choice either, be it investing for your own retirement or Childs tertiary education, or simply treating yourself to something else entirely of your choosing.

Make your purchase with out discussion. Why would you even ask for his input?

Buy the watch, ditch the partner.

Absolutely dump the partner and buy the watch!

I think it's an amazing idea and sounds like it'll make you feel connected to your dad. I wouldn't even hesitate.

How long have you been with your partner? Do you share finances already and if so, does he contribute much more towards household expenses?

Really, your financial situation dictacts what's reasonable. I wouldn't begrudge my DH spending all of his inheritance on a watch. It's his to do whatever he likes with it. My view would probably be different if he was working part-time in a low paying job while I was full-time and contributing much more. It sounds like you're not strapped for cash given what else you've spent the money on but I guess that's not a given.

Buy the watch! Get a new one too, it’ll be a wonderful memory of your darling dad and will mean a lot to you. Tell your partner it’s not up for discussion. Cheeky sod.

I think it depends on the circumstances.

If the figure is £100k and you and your partner have a mortgage of £400k and the watch is £10k I can see your DH's POV - I would consider it family money.

If the figure is £300k and you have a mortgage of £100k then I would say spend it.

Also depends on the relationship you have, if you combine money / assets etc.

I had a similar inheritance this year. The way we did it (DH and I) was to assign 5k each as 'glee money' - we could use it any way we wanted, and the other person had no say and couldn't criticise what we each did with 'our' money. The rest of it - well, a large amount is going into renovating our house, and the rest will be put aside for retirement and emergencies (we've already paid off the mortgage). So, most of it is family money, but we both got to have a little joy with it too, something I know would have been approved of by the person who left us the money. Would your DH be open to something like this?

Going against the grain here but if married with children any money that comes into the family, inheritance or otherwise, I would consider as family money and to be decided upon jointly. Context is important here though - is your family in debt? Is there an imbalance generally in how you spend vs your partner? Are there other plans that you and your partner had discussed long term like buying a house etc? Is the watch reasonably priced or are you just wanting to spend a huge chunk of money on this and it affects other things?

I think context matters. I.e. my exdh was terrible with money, always had us in debt, always wanting to 'treat' himself by living outside of our means. I'd not care one bit if he then got an inheritance and then thought he'd have the right to continue to treat himself with it - I'd have full expectation that the inheritance would take us out of the debt he had put us in. Not that this is your situation at all...but context matters I think, before heaping any judgment on your partner as to why he or she doesn't want you to get the watch.

Your inheritance is absolutely none of your partner's business, and you can do whatever you bloomin' well like with it.

They arent married so legally the op can give it all away to goats and the partner wouldn’t have any say. It’s not family money.

People should really take the time to read a post before posting based on their married experiences.

Money has already been spent on holidays, furniture and a new car - this benefits everyone.

Op now wants to buy something for themselves as a way to remember the loved one they have lost.

The only selfish one is the partner trying to guilt trip the op when spending money that legally has got fuck all to do with them.