Bf asked for a bj

[Radia111]

I’m not a sex troll!

my bf of 3 months is great and loving. Sometimes when we are having sex he will ask for a bj. He really likes them. He will reciprocate too and I want to make him happy but tbh don’t love doing it.

a few times we’ve been sexting (cringe) and he will say what he wants us to do together and then he’ll ask for a bj. Even if I’m just requesting a long cuddle with him or something.

I like him and I want to make him happy but I don’t love doing them and I really don’t like being asked. Can anyone help as this is becoming a sticking point for me. He is otherwise excellent.

@Notanotherone6 The reason it is appealing to have someone else's genitals in your mouth, it's about passion and the sensitivity which is like no other. Think of it as kissing on speed. When you go to the loo you wipe using your hands, you also use those same hands to eat with but (hopefully) they are washed first. But that is not the subject of this thread.

I would not go to bed with someone who was not willing to go down on mean oral, no entry! My body my rules. And there is nothing wrong with discussing what you want sexually. Being coerced though is a different matter.

This is a crazy messed up attitude, and actually very controlling. You're basically penalising your partner for communicating his wishes.

Also "asking" and "begging" are two very different things, unless you choose to shut down all requests by considering them begging.

This thread reminds of a joke.
A boy catches his mum giving her DH a BJ and says 'Mum, what are you doing?' to which mum replies, 'getting some new jewellery'. 😂

I actually mis-read that as 'don't ask, don't get' and was puzzled why bj was an exception!

Maybe @PeanuttyButter has a sub-dom dynamic going on

Same 🤣

If my DH thought he’d get a BJ weekly he’d think that he would have died and gone to heaven
Same 🤣
Same for us, I keep it as a special treat for my DH.

Gosh
can’t work out if my FWB is one of the luckiest men ever

or if I’m having a peni meno horn burst and this is all fun (which to be fair it is )

either way I’m reading this thead with great interest , and erring towards he’s lucky 🍀 to have me

@Thisisworsethananticpated well done 😂

thankfully I have many other good qualities!

@Radia111 unrelated to bjs but connected to something else you said, have you heard of a website called 'omgyes'? I can recommend it for different techniques for achieving orgasm (female).

I just don't think it's sexy if I'm doing the dishes and he comes up to me and asks me for a BJ randomly... Oh yeah love il just stop what I'm doing to service you then crack back onto it.

If he came over to me and initiated something, then as part of that communicated (however way he thought suitable in the moment) he wanted oral sex I would probably oblige. What I don't want is him saying "Fancy giving me a BJ" with no thought about me at all. Sex is a two way thing, something shared. Not just a one way service.

@PeanuttyButter

Fair enough. Put like that, it's a lot more reasonable.

@PeanuttyButter okay that sounds pretty grim. Did you dump this person?

He reciprocates but doesn’t spend as long on me.

As a minimum, you take it in turns to orgasm. He doesn't get another one until you have had yours.

@peanutbuttery
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I just don't think it's sexy if I'm doing the dishes and he comes up to me and asks me for a BJ randomly... Oh yeah love il just stop what I'm doing to service you then crack back onto it.
*
If he came over to me and initiated something, then as part of that communicated (however way he thought suitable in the moment) he wanted oral sex I would probably oblige. What I don't want is him saying "Fancy giving me a BJ" with no thought about me at all. Sex is a two way thing, something shared. Not just a one way service.

This is exactly how I'd summarise it!! If either me or DP was initiating something or were in the middle of something then that's completely normal.

A text during the day along the lines of "any chance of a bj tonight?" Would be the ultimate ick....

I do enjoy a bit of sexting but more among the lines of "I can't wait to xyz later"....."I've been thinking about xyz", "i can't wait to do xyz for you" not "please may I have a bj" or "any chance of a bj tonight" 🤢🤢🤢

Candy is right. If lovers sext it tends to be to try and get the other person in the mood, not to bluntly ask for something.

At most he could compliment and say how OP gives head is amazing or something (though even that sort of talk wouldn't be to my taste.)

What I've gathered from this thread (and nearly every other sex thread on MN) is that couples should talk more! How can you be comfortable having sex with someone but be too shy to talk about that sex?

BLOODY WELL TALK.

Thanks for the advice, some food for thought on here.

I feel strange about things now. He’s kind, lovely, generous etc but the bj thing isn’t working for me.

i Saw him over the weekend and when we were chilling / about to get down to it he asked for both a bj and a hand job. He does give me oral but I was on my period so didn’t want it. We then had sex which was enjoyable but he asked me to finish him off with a bj as he “wanted to come”.

He would have reciprocated had I asked so I don’t think there is an issue there and as explained above I do have issues reaching orgasm so will use the link someone directed to above to explore this. I had to bite my tongue when he told me he wanted to come. What about me mate.

I want to pleasure him and make him feel good, he does wheedle a bit which isn’t attractive but obviously will take no for an answer. I have said no sometimes when not in the mood.

when we have sex it’s really good and he does try and pleasure me in other ways, I think mainly tho he gets caught up in the moment with his own pleasure and it’s on me to remind him that he needs to spend more time on me. He’s not shy about doing that so I think I will get him to next time we sleep together.

I don’t think this is a break up able offence as I get the impression he is open to learning and adapting as an I. Plus he is very generous in other ways and gentle, kind, empathetic. So I think if I communicate about this it will be helpful.

Anyone disagree and think it wont get better? Bluntly I wonder if he was watched too much porn as it does all seem quite derived from that.

We were watching tv in bed and he wanted me to help get him off which again I’m keen to do but just makes me feel a bit “what about me”. I do think it’s worth a conversation before anything more extreme. Also I would have asked flat out for him to reciprocate and I think he would have as he generally always does. But didn’t feel comfortable as on my period.

ia this normal behaviour?

I think, as always in life, there are two types of men.
In this scenario, you have men (and same for women) who are centred on giving the other person pleasure and men who are centred on what pleasure you can give them.
He is the second type. That doesn't change. What can change is if you are very assertive about your own needs then he can remember to include them. But if you aren't - then his default isn't to think about your pleasure.
It's difficult if you then also have problems relaxing enough to orgasm, because he may not give you the time space and attention you need.
Have you tried a bullet vibe or cock ring? If you are going to have to 'help yourself' then these are both handy to use during sex, or even use the vibe on yourself while giving him hj or bj.
If these are the early days I wouldn't say it boded well but I don't know how important a good sex life is to you, or what that looks like. Posting on here suggests you aren't that happy with it so far though!

@ArcticSkewer i think your are right.

ita Disappointing as in other areas of life he’s very generous and kind, always making sure I’m okay and looking after me, helping me etc. so disappointing that this doesn’t appear to extend to the bedroom. I wouldn’t class him as selfish in bed as he does do things to me but I think because I’m not assertive and possibly am a little more prudish he kind of leaves me to it.

a good sex life is important to me but I need to know the other person first, trust them, love them. It’s been 2-3 months and I’m definitely getting there with him, I’m starting to love him.

im hoping that with time and also with me asserting my wants and needs, this will help. It confuses me because he is emotionally intelligent and generous, he is focused on me a lot when we are together, just ironically less in bed. An unusual combination.

It sounds like he’s constantly hassling you about sex.

Is there anything else to your relationship?

I do believe this man isin’t for you. You wouldn’t have come here asking all this if this was good for you.
Listen to your gut. It’s telling you what to do.

@YouAreNotBatman yes we go out for romantic dinners, we go on day trips, we chill together in the mornings and cuddle. He cooks for me. But when we have sex it can seem like that. My head is confused. The rest of the relationship is so great and actual PIV sex is enjoyable. I like him.

I had to bite my tongue when he told me he wanted to come. What about me mate.

He is very open about what he wants.

Why do you not think you can even say 'hey what about me?' Why do you think you have to bite your tongue and not say 'it's my turn'

I'm guessing that you have some idea that he should somehow be in charge of your pleasure. That is tricky, firstly because how does he know what you like and secondly he may put his own pleasure first so yours gets forgotten. Don't give away your power to get what you want.

I agree with PP expressing surprise that you are prepared to have sex but it seems, not happy talking to him about that sex, especially when it needs a bit of tweaking to get it right so that your needs are met as well as his.

Not a LTB situation in these early days but I'd say it really is your responsibility to work out together what you like and make sure that happens. If you don't ... think about it years from now when his needs are consistently met so he doesn't see any problem with your sex life while you are still wondering when it's going to be your turn.

In your reply you said it's ok, you do get your turn but later you mention having to bite your tongue when he says he wants to come. Are you maybe not even clear in your own mind.

Don't delay, start talking and get yourself sorted. All the best.

From your last post it seems to me you have some serious issues communicating. Why aren't you discussing all this with him and telling him how you feel about things?

Could be a bit of immaturity on your part. You have to talk to him and be completely open about your feelings and needs. His reaction will tell you if the relationship is worth continuing in the direction it's currently going.

I wonder if he sees life as transactional; so when you think he is being loving, kind and helpful, he sees it as building up credit that he can put towards a BJ?