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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bf asked for a bj

126 replies

Radia111 · 26/11/2022 16:28

I’m not a sex troll!

my bf of 3 months is great and loving. Sometimes when we are having sex he will ask for a bj. He really likes them. He will reciprocate too and I want to make him happy but tbh don’t love doing it.

a few times we’ve been sexting (cringe) and he will say what he wants us to do together and then he’ll ask for a bj. Even if I’m just requesting a long cuddle with him or something.

I like him and I want to make him happy but I don’t love doing them and I really don’t like being asked. Can anyone help as this is becoming a sticking point for me. He is otherwise excellent.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 26/11/2022 18:22

All the best op

ZombieKettle · 26/11/2022 18:22

"I don't like saying no"

You have the right to say no. He should never pressure you to do it. If you feel he is pressuring you in anyway, then you need to talk to him.

Boomboom22 · 26/11/2022 18:23

He sounds rank, on command in the morning because you said yesterday? That is not appropriate normal sexual behaviour which occurs naturally with hormones etc. It makes me feel quite sick actually.

HotChicolate · 26/11/2022 18:24

Tell him to stop asking, it’s giving you the ick.

redbigbananafeet · 26/11/2022 18:25

Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:12

I don’t like saying no so will normally say let’s do it in the morning. This is generally post shower so I find it easier and tastier then if not tmi. He will ask again in the morning once I’ve promised so is keen but not pushy. But definitely keen and would be unhappy if I said an outright no I don’t think. I think he would respect my reasoning but does obviously like them. He reciprocates but doesn’t spend as long on me. Should I ask him to? I want that but don’t want to order him about?

He doesn't spend as long on you? Do you mean he doesn't make you come? Do you keep at it until he comes?

Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:26

Can anyone advise how to handle?

I don’t want to break up over this. He’s otherwise great.

it is a bit sex pesty isn’t it and I don’t know how to deal. Is it a dumping offence?!

OP posts:
DragonflyNights · 26/11/2022 18:26

Three months in and he’s already like this - during the ‘best behaviour, getting to know each other’ part. How entitled is he going to get when he’s more sure of the relationship is what i’d be asking myself. He likes blowjobs and is expressed that - fine, but it sounds like he now pretty much expects that to be part of every sexual encounter, and is nagging at you to do it at random times too. Doesn’t sound great.

Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:27

No i don’t come but I generally have trouble coming so want to get myself there first and find what works for me before putting that pressure on him. He generally does come yeah although I normally don’t do it just with oral, sometimes hand jobs too or obviously penetrative sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:28

Hmm he doesn’t nag me at random times. Just asked me once in the middle of the day.

OP posts:
HotChicolate · 26/11/2022 18:29

I think you need to tell him to stop
asking for BJ’s and say you’ll do them when you want to. Have you ever had sex without involving you giving him oral?

redbigbananafeet · 26/11/2022 18:29

BMW6 · 26/11/2022 18:20

"You promised"??

Yuck yuck yuck. Instant turnoff. 😕too wheedling.

Absolutely this. It's not your turn to do the dishes. Any man who guilts sexual favours from an unwilling partner is a step away from rapey.

redbigbananafeet · 26/11/2022 18:30

Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:28

Hmm he doesn’t nag me at random times. Just asked me once in the middle of the day.

Asking at all is fucking rank.

JackandVera · 26/11/2022 18:31

What's with the baby cutesy language here @Radia111 ?

JayJayYoYo · 26/11/2022 18:32

You might be better off talking to him about it over a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Fannyann0 · 26/11/2022 18:32

I don't think I would mind as long as someone doesn't finish in my mouth. I think you do need to speak with him though OP.

Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:32

@JackandVera I can’t see any instances of that? Where?

@HotChicolate no but 9/10 times I go down on him he will reciprocate. The exception was the random lunchtime blow job I gave him

OP posts:
HotChicolate · 26/11/2022 18:34

Stop doing it and see how the sex is.

JackandVera · 26/11/2022 18:34

a few times we’ve been sexting (cringe)
it is a bit sex pesty isn’t it
@Radia111

Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:35

@JackandVera not sure Im following. Which of those phrases is cutesy?

OP posts:
amiold · 26/11/2022 18:36

For more context ... is he wanting it unwashed and finishing in your mouth??

abblie · 26/11/2022 18:36

Defo need to talk and have an understanding personally I hate them but I also like my man to be happy

Letthesunshineonin · 26/11/2022 18:38

You really need to work on your boundaries. He is a sex pest!
He has absolutely no problem in asking you for a bj and reminding you about it (read pestering)so don’t you have a problem telling him no.
Next time he asks tell him you’re not really keen on it and him pestering you for it puts you off even more so he needs to stop or the relationship is in the balance.
Be strong and advocate for yourself.

Original poster
Radia111 · 26/11/2022 18:41

@amiold sometkmes after a day at work yeah so I push back and say I’ll do it the morning after shower. I don’t like him coming in my mouth no so he doesn’t do that. I think he’d like to but I say no

OP posts:
amiold · 26/11/2022 19:00

@Radia111 there is absolutely no way I'd do either of them things and my partner knows.
He likes them and would have one every day if he could but it's only ever when he's been in the shower and he doesn't finish (wouldn't dare or that would be the end). I don't think it's uncommon to ask though, I wouldn't say he's a pest to be honest. My partner always make a real effort for me and I try to reciprocate to some degree. Can you not just shorten them?

Scout2016 · 26/11/2022 19:12

Maybe just say "I'll take it as read that you will likely never turn down a blow job. So stop asking, I know you like them so I'll do it if I feel like it."

But then I would have got the ick around the 3rd time of being asked.