Bf asked for a bj

[Radia111]

I’m not a sex troll!

my bf of 3 months is great and loving. Sometimes when we are having sex he will ask for a bj. He really likes them. He will reciprocate too and I want to make him happy but tbh don’t love doing it.

a few times we’ve been sexting (cringe) and he will say what he wants us to do together and then he’ll ask for a bj. Even if I’m just requesting a long cuddle with him or something.

I like him and I want to make him happy but I don’t love doing them and I really don’t like being asked. Can anyone help as this is becoming a sticking point for me. He is otherwise excellent.

God I’d be out the door I think, surely it should be something you want to do in the moment, not a chore. Twice a week would be way too much for me tbh, but then I don’t enjoy giving them at all.

Never do something that you don't enjoy.

Make it clear that this is not your thing and that if it is a deal breaker for him then he will have to find himself a new girlfriend.

I don't see asking as rank. I make sexual requests in my own relationship.

Pestering someone who's clearly unenthusiastic is rank.

Is it partly a hygiene problem to do with how often he showers?

If you’re in a grown up relationship just blooming tell him you don’t like giving them and would prefer he didn’t ask. Say it’s not off the table (unless you want it to be) but he shouldn’t expect them.

If he fails to respect that then it’s done.

Asking for what you want in bed in rank????? Really ?????

He sounds like a sex pest and this soon in, someone should really still be on their best behaviour.

Chuck him back in the pond.

So you don’t ask for anything in bed then ?
you just think a guy should read your mind or just guess what you want then ?

You need to tell him. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. You shouldn't be pretending you are ok with things you are not. That will only lead to resentment.

A line of MnM's??? What in the what?!

This sounds like poor advice you'd find in Cosmo's sex tip section.

I think you need to just tell him you don't like it @Radia111 and not do it. Plenty of women don't (despite how porn/men make it seem.)

Say you won't do it again and if he asks again for this sexual act he knows you don't want to do, dump him as it's manipulative and coercive not to STFU about it once you've made it clear you don't want to do it.

Currently do it twice a week which is basically every time we sleep together

This makes me feel really sad.

It's not unusual for women to find themselves participating in sexual acts which they don't really enjoy but do anyway to please ... or for whatever reason.

My question remains, about what does he do when you say no, rather than not now and put it off until he is freshly showered. Try it, just to find out how he responds. He is either assuming you are ok or you won't do it every time or knows and doesn't care.

Just say no and take it from there. Either he will accept it ... or he won't.

How many men do this, do we think? Basically do something they don't enjoy every time they have sex, because they don't like to say no?

Just say no. Then observe him

Do you really want to be in a relationship that relies on you doing something you don't enjoy?

Asking for a friend

OP, you need to find out what you do and don't like to do and find a mate whose interests allign. I hate doing thatbut it took me a while to understand. I've now not done it for 15 yrs and am thrilled knowing i never will ever again.

Joe69 I was referencing the in the middle of the day on lunch break. Every time they have sex so no wider it's a chore.

Twice a week? I'd have a jaw like Bananaman with that regime

Hmm
I really like giving my man bj
he’s clean , and he loves it and seeing him get horny makes me horny

BUT
that’s us
if it’s not your thing then you might be sexually incompatible
you probably need to talk

I asked my partner why he stopped giving me oral after a while in to our relationship. He said he didn’t enjoy it. I was disappointed and sad that he’d felt he needed to do something he didn’t enjoy. But after acknowledging what he’d told me and saying it didn’t matter I never mentioned it again. Do I miss it? Yes, I love it, but I love him more. I respect him and would never want him to do something he found unpleasant.

Just tell him that his asking for one really puts you off, and that he's going on about it too much.

As a pp said, you KNOW he'll be up for it so IF you are in the mood you'll instigate it.

If he continues to pester and badger I'd break off the relationship as incompatible.

That would have hugely pissed me off as I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't enjoy oral so I would have felt tricked into staying.

Be honest op. Say what you like and don't like. He should be washing beforehand anyway (as you would too I bet) but if he isn't then tell him.

And if bj are not your thing but he loves them, then be honest. Let him decide if it's a dealbreaker. And same for you.

Tell him what you want and don't want in plain terms. Communication is the only thing that works with the person you are with. No hinting or pointless stuff like that because it doesn't work.

Thanks all.

I wash throughly right before any hint of sex tbh and although he’s a very clean person, his routine is very much shower in the morning rather than before bed. He smells nice but his intimate areas obviously aren’t squeaky clean in the evening. I obviously don’t like going down on him when he doesn’t taste of clean water and soap. As I know I do. How can I say this without offending him?

I’ll have a more general chat too and just say I want him to be happy and love seeing him excited, love him going down on me too but would like to keep things exciting and spontaneous so can be refrain from asking for a while.

I think you have to get used to the idea that the way to get what you want is to say what you want. You cannot have a good relationship if you aren’t honest and you are worried about saying anything for fear of offence. If he takes offence at you bringing up sex then he is not the guy for you, so say something like -

I’m really enjoying our relationship but there’s a few things I’d like to talk about

I don’t want to have oral sex every-time. I like giving you BJs but I need to be in the mood.

I’d appreciate it if you’d showed before sex, it’s nicer for me when I do go down on you

I like oral sex too, but it takes me a while to come, so if you don’t mind it would be nice for that to last a bit longer.

As part of this conversation also as him if there’s anything he’d like to bring up

If it’s a taste thing, you need to tell him to go wash it before the BJ. It’s basic good manners to be fresh for oral sex.

I've just skimmed the thread but it seems like a lot of this is down to communication. I would suggest he takes a quick shower to freshen up before bed or you use your hands then and mouth in the morning if that's what you prefer. Do you initiate sometimes? Because I guess if you don't then he's within reason to suggest it and as long as he's not huffy with you if you don't want to then that's fair enough. I would say that in terms of your own enjoyment, doing things solo is different than with a partner so you need to start telling him what's good and working for you so he can help you get there. He also needs to maybe learn that a lot of women need more of a lead up before getting down to it. I would chat to him in general about how you can spice things up a bit, make it a fun conversation about what you both like or want to try and go from there.

can he refrain from asking for a while.

@Radia111 With some men this would not be clear enough unfortunately. And let's face it you don't really like him asking. So leave out the 'for a while.' It's ok to say no to things or that you don't want something. Decent men won't be arsey about it.

It can be a way of sorting the chaff from the wheat. If it turns out he's not a good guy and can't handle being told no, you haven't lost anything.