Bf asked for a bj

[Radia111]

I’m not a sex troll!

my bf of 3 months is great and loving. Sometimes when we are having sex he will ask for a bj. He really likes them. He will reciprocate too and I want to make him happy but tbh don’t love doing it.

a few times we’ve been sexting (cringe) and he will say what he wants us to do together and then he’ll ask for a bj. Even if I’m just requesting a long cuddle with him or something.

I like him and I want to make him happy but I don’t love doing them and I really don’t like being asked. Can anyone help as this is becoming a sticking point for me. He is otherwise excellent.

He reciprocates but doesn’t spend as long on me. Should I ask him to? I want that but don’t want to order him about?

Yes! He's comfortable enough to ask you, so why shouldn't you be comfortable enough to ask him (might be worth exploring what's holding you back)?

If a bloke didn’t want to go down on me I wouldn’t be sleeping with him …. I’d consider it pretty “minimum standards” for good sex. I also have no problem being asked for something and in return asking for what I need…. That’s just honest communication. The only reason you don’t like being asked is you don’t like doing the act. So all in all the idea that he’s wrong to ask is completely alien to me.

As a woman in her 40s l cannot imagine regular sex or even occasional sex with someone without oral, both giving and receiving.

Having said that, hygiene and both being and feeling clean is important. Maybe undress each other and shower together first?

I don’t see anything wrong with someone asking. Likewise, it is your body and they must accept the answer. Nobody should do what they are not comfortable with though, so maybe it’s time to acknowledge that this relationship is not for you.

@redbigbananafeet

Asking at all is fucking rank.

Why is ever asking for something you enjoy a bad thing I'm a relationship? Isn't refusing to communicate (and thinking it's "fucking rank"'to ever do so just a recipe for disappointment?

If he won’t pop to the bathroom for a quick wash for under 2 minutes before you go to bed, knowing that would make your sex life much more pleasurable for you, he is very inconsiderate.

OP - it doesn't sound like you're especially sexually compatible.

In particular you seem rather queasy and uptight about sex (e.g. the eugh' comment about sexting, the need to wash thoroughly even if there's a whiff of sex on the cards, the not feeling comfortable to express your wishes about him giving your oral)....

Obviously, you should only do what you're comfortable with sex-wise, and you shouldn't feel under any obligation to do anything you don't want to, but it seems like your bf is quite different in this regard, and I know I'd struggle in relationship if someone had the attitude to sex that you seem to.

Btw I wasn't implying in my last message that hygiene isn't important when it comes to sex, it's more the extent to which it seems to need to be factored in.... Although I shower daily and hate feeling sweaty, that doesn't mean I can't be "spur of the moment" when I comes to sex and have to stop for a shower and thorough scrub beforehand.

I find BJ's disgusting. My DH would have them every day if he could, but he only gets one maybe once a year and in the shower the rare time I might be in the mood.

Don't do anything you don't want, OP. You just have to tell him you don't enjoy it that much and will do them when you want to without him asking first. Say his asking puts you off.

Text him

“Morning Darling, if you can go an entire week without asking or suggesting a blowjob I might just treat you to one. But asking every day is getting tiresome and nothing puts me off it more than a beg.

what do you want for tea?”

You are in a relationship with him, no one else is. The things that are bothering you just come out and tell him. If he likes you he will listen and act accordingly. If he doesn’t you have your answer for weather or not it’s a dumping offence.

Give him hand job instead or do the big for him but only for a short period before sex

Yah you have to be more
forthright

fresh clean cock = bj
and talk more around what you like , and let him know when you do !

as a general rule men and women love seeing that what they are doing is really arousing the other person

but women aren't conditioned to speak as loudly s men are

He should wash it first. You don’t want to be sucking a manky nob that’s been peeing all day!

Oh my God if a man texted me that about going down on me he would be straight out of the door. Could you be less sexually compatible if you have to write things like that??

@ArcticSkewer

Agree. That's not something to text!

ArcticSkewer

agree x 3 😂

He is being honest with what he wants, if that's not for you, maybe you aren't really compatible.

Communication is definitely the key. If you want him to stay longer on you tell him. My previous relationship was like this,no communication and deeply unsatisfying for me. The next relationship I was up front,my partner was not used to bj,I like giving em,he liked receiving em,he found time to find things o liked. Win win. The point is we talked and ,laughed together.

Tip: Love honey's strawberry lube is very nice and definitely makes things more 'palatable'.

Though if your doing it just to please him and you don't really want to, that's a separate problem and you absolutely need to address it.

My DH would accept every single day if I offered. It's one of his favourite things, however he rarely asks me and if I say no ok those rare occasions he is totally OK with it.

What's making you feel you have to oblige op?

I've never understood why it's appealing to have someone else's genitals in your mouth.

A bit of respect goes a long way. If someone says no then you need to find other ways to please each other. If you can't, well then you're not compatible, are you?

My rule is usually " if you ask you dont get"
Nothing less sexy than a man begging for a BJ.

how is this any different to the OP asking the guy to go down on her..

double standards if your saying the guy cant say anything but the female of the couple is fine with saying it.

communication is the key for it to work for both sides.

nothing wrong with a bit of sexting during the day, if you cant see each other for a while it can be fun to have a naughty conversation occasionally.

Well a loving, supportive, amazing partner is more important to me than one aspect of sex but we’re all different. Now I have no libido I’m rather grateful I still have a wonderful partner who loves me for me and not for how he or I get our rocks off.

@Banal , we are indeed all different and it's a good job you didn't mind! It's not an aspect of sex I am willing to compromise on so it wouldn't have worked for me from the outset, regardless of any other charms.

As you say, for some people who expect their libido to flag anyway, it may not be a deal breaker. If op is upfront with him, she can find out.

Absolutely agree. We're the same, I bloody love giving them and we have them far more than once a week.

BUT
That is us. Not you. You need to have a proper conversation with him, and not while you are having sex or it's on the table.